- Liz Lemon: I just wish I could start a relationship about twelve years in, when you really don't have to try anymore, and you can just sit around together and goof on TV shows, and then go to bed without anybody trying any funny business.
- Gavin Volure: And, of course, I always keep an empty chair to represent all our unfulfilled hopes and dreams. I'm just kidding. Elliot Spritz's hooker couldn't make it.
- Pete Hornberger: Attention, everyone. I have just been handed a memo that each floor has to have a fire marshall, in case of fires, terrorist attacks, Cloverfield monsters... but I can't because my head is too big for my helmet. So, who wants to volunteer?
- Frank Rossitano: Not me. But you have a big head.
- Liz Lemon: I guess this is what the kids call a "booty call".
- Gavin Volure: I haven't been outside since 1984, and even I know the kids don't call it that anymore.
- Jack Donaghy: You go to that house and work it like a Chinese gymnast: wear something tight, force a smile, and lie about your age.
- Jack Donaghy: Kenneth, just how much money do you have in your savings?
- Kenneth Parcell: Well, let's see!
- [Kenneth reaches down and picks up a can filled with cash]
- Kenneth Parcell: Eighty thousand dollars!
- Jack Donaghy: If you don't include Confederate money.
- Kenneth Parcell: Four thousand dollars!
- Jack Donaghy: I can't believe you're out of the game. It's like Picasso not painting, or Bruce Willis not combining action and rock harmonica.
- Jack Donaghy: I couldn't get your money back and I'm sorry. I feel responsible, so I want you to have this.
- [hands over money]
- Kenneth Parcell: Mr. Donaghy, I can't take that. What would this country be if our economy didn't allow wealthy people to take advantage of rubes?
- Jack Donaghy: That's true. But what about your family?
- Kenneth Parcell: Don't worry about us. We Parcells have eaten our share of rock soup and squirrel tail. But we've also known lean times. We'll get by.