- Ted Mosby: I've never let Barney meet Heather, and for good reason. Everytime the Mosby family Christmas card came...
- Barney Stinson: [Christmas 2005, to "Jingle Bells"] Pulling down her pants, yanking off my own, underneath the mistletoe I'll make your sister moan. Oh, Heather's hot, Heather's hot, we'll go all the way...
- [Christmas 2006, to "We Wish You A Merry Christmas"]
- Barney Stinson: I wish I could see her naked, I wish I could see her naked, I wish I could see her naked, and down on all fours.
- [Ted elbows him in his stomach, and Barney groans in pain]
- Barney Stinson: [Christmas 2007, to "The Dreidl Song"] Ted has a little sister, gets hotter every day. And if I ever meet her, with her boobies I will play. Everybody! Sister, sister, sister...
- [Everyone looks at him weirdly]
- Barney Stinson: What? I can celebrate Hanukkah.
- Ted Mosby: [On phone] Heather, my couch and TV are missing.
- Heather Mosby: [On her cell phone, at a mosh pit] Oh, yeah. I sold them for Nine Inch Nail tickets.
- Ted Mosby: My TV alone cost 2 grand.
- Heather Mosby: Well, last minute tickets are expensive.
- Ted Mosby: Plane tickets? Where are you?
- Heather Mosby: Somwhere in Spain. Gotta go. Soul song.
- Barney Stinson: [On a chair in Ted's apartment, holding a glass of brandy] Why, hello. I've been expecting you.
- Ted Mosby: That chair's not mine. Did you bring a chair to my apartment?
- Barney Stinson: I needed one that swivels.
- Marshall Eriksen: [Entering the Walleye Saloon] Evening, everyone!
- Everyone: Marshall!
- Marshall Eriksen: This is my friend Robin.
- Everyone: Robin!
- Marshall Eriksen: Now get back to your drinking.
- Everyone: Drinking!
- Ted Mosby: It's freezing out there! Where's your coat?
- Robin Scherbatsky: Ted, I'm Canadian - I don't need a coat. This kind of weather does nothing for me.
- Marshall Eriksen: Yeah, this is like a spring day back in Minnesota if it wasn't for all the taxis and skyscrapers, and non-white people.
- Ted Mosby: There aren't any Black people in Minnesota?
- Marshall Eriksen: Not if Prince is on tour.
- Barney Stinson: [Lily catches him with Heather] Lily, before you say or do anything, there is something I need you to do.
- Lily Aldrin: What?
- Barney Stinson: [Pointing at the shirt Lily is standing on] Please step off. It's Prada.