- Brandi Shannon: [the FBI has raided Mary's house looking for drugs. Trying to protect her sister, Mary takes a suitcase full of meth out of the house to destroy it but the FBI intercepts it and when they open it, it's full of towels] Well, I don't know much about chemistry, but I'm pretty sure it just didn't magically turn into towels.
- [in response to a suspect complaining that the offer of a diet soda is unhealthy]
- Stan McQueen: Is it me, or have you noticed more lowlife scumbags making healthy beverage choices?