The Simpsons (TV Series)

Father Knows Worst (2009)

Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Fried Dough Vendor, Groundskeeper Willie, Barney Gumble, Man in Store

Quotes 

• Lisa Simpson : Dad, I don't want to hurt people.

  Homer Simpson : Very well. I guess you don't need this big girl book.

  Lisa Simpson : I'm a big girl!

• Homer Simpson : [depressed]  I tried to fix the kids' lives, but instead I led them to rich and rewarding personal decisions of their own.

• Homer Simpson : Ooh, lamb kebab!

  [he eats the kebab] 

  Homer Simpson : Ooh, chicken kebab!

  [he eats it, as well] 

  Homer Simpson : [grabbing a lit fire juggling stick]  Ooh, fire kebab!

  Lisa Simpson : Dad, no!

  Bart Simpson : [cutting in front of Lisa]  Dad, yes!

• Homer Simpson : [Watching Bart and Lisa at school]  My son is a loser, and my daughter is a loner. Way to go, Marge!

• Marge Simpson : Here, Homer. Have some beets. I boiled all the red out of them.

  Homer Simpson : Oh, I can still taste undercurrents of pink.

  Lisa Simpson : Here, dad. Maybe this will help.

  Homer Simpson : It feels like food, but it has no flavor whatsoever! What is it?

  Lisa Simpson : Mac and cheese from the school cafeteria. The blandest food known to man.

• Lisa Simpson : Dad, if I join a clique, I'd become someone I hate.

  Homer Simpson : Lisa, our country was founded by a clique, the Continental Congress. Dolphins live in cliques. Those are my two examples.

  Lisa Simpson : Those are good examples.

• Homer Simpson : I'm a good father to both my children.

  [to Maggie] 

  Homer Simpson : Well, hello there. Who do you belong to?

• Homer Simpson : Black Hawk Down! Black Hawk Down!

• Homer : Hey, Lenny. It takes a lot of courage to wear suspenders when you're not in the circus.

  Lenny : Well, that's very nice of you...

  [realises] 

  Lenny : Hey! Are you saying my clothes are clown-like?

  [panics] 

  Lenny : Oh, God. I feel so insecure. Please be my friend.

  Homer : See? It works. And unsults are just the beginning.