- Didi Pickles: I've been going over our bills, Stu, and I thought maybe if you got a job outside the house, we could...
- Stu Pickles: Deed, an inventor of my stature can't be worried about petty financial details. My mind has to be free to create!
- Didi Pickles: Oh! And when does an inventor of your stature intend to *finish* this bubble thing?
- Stu Pickles: Did Mozart's wife ask him how long it would take to finish his Requiem?
- Didi Pickles: Stu, Mozart died without finishing his Requiem.
- Stu Pickles: [scratching his head] OK, bad example.
- Didi Pickles: Well, in the meantime, you always have your sales background.
- [holds up a newspaper]
- Didi Pickles: Here's an ad! "Consolidated Lard is looking for telephone representatives."
- Stu Pickles: [looks at the ad] Consolidated *Lard*?
- Stu Pickles: [takes a sip of his coffee and spits it back out] This coffee tastes like mud!
- [sees a live worm in it]
- Stu Pickles: Eww... it *is* mud.
- Stu Pickles: [with nose pinched] Yes, I'm calling about a car parked illegally on private property at 53 Briarcliff Place. The license plate reads 'DREW'.
- Stu Pickles: [cheerfully] Well, things seem to be going smoothly this morning. I guess Drew learned his lesson.
- Didi Pickles: What are you talking about?
- [the doorbell rings; Didi goes to the front door and opens it]
- Didi Pickles: Drew!
- Drew Pickles: [furiously] Where's Stu?
- [cut to dining room; Stu sips his coffee as Drew storms in]
- Drew Pickles: Stu, let's talk.
- Stu Pickles: [offers Drew a seat] Fine by me.
- Drew Pickles: [sits down and faces Stu] I couldn't get to the office yesterday because *someone* had my car towed!
- Stu Pickles: And I suppose I wore my *disco suit* to work yesterday just for kicks, huh?
- Drew Pickles: I don't know what you're talking about, but I bet you know something about the fifty *pizzas* I got the other day!
- Stu Pickles: I thought you came here to apologise.
- Drew Pickles: [stands up] Apologise?
- [stammers and points to Stu]
- Drew Pickles: *You're* the one who should apologise!
- Stu Pickles: [stands up] *Me*? What an idea! I guess we have nothing to discuss.
- [they cross arms and turn their backs on each other]
- Didi Pickles: [enters holding a book] Oh, Drew! While you're here, I have something for you.
- [opens the book]
- Didi Pickles: It's a cheque from Stu for 120 dollars.
- [hands Drew the cheque]
- Didi Pickles: He wrote it last summer, but it seems he's been using it as a bookmark!
- Drew Pickles: Why, thanks, Didi.
- [scowls at Stu]
- Stu Pickles: [giggles nervously] Drew, I, uh, I have to go to work.
- [last lines]
- Stu Pickles: Call Consolidated Lard and tell 'em I quit! I'm staying home to work on my bubble machine and play with my kid!
- [Stu enters the kitchen; Didi feeds Tommy; Lou reads the newspaper]
- Didi Pickles: Morning, Stu. All set for work?
- Stu Pickles: All set?
- [pulls a teddy bear out of his coat pocket]
- Stu Pickles: I'm lucky to be alive! When I opened my closet this morning, an avalanche of toys fell on me!
- [pulls a plastic axle from his hair]
- Lou Pickles: [looks up from his newspaper] Toys? Why'd you put toys in your closet?
- Stu Pickles: [puts the toys down on the table] Pop, I didn't put them there! Somebody else did, but who?
- [snaps his fingers]
- Stu Pickles: Drew!
- Lou Pickles: Huh?
- Stu Pickles: I can't believe Drew would stoop so low over a lousy hundred and twenty bucks, *which*, I might add, I already paid him back! I'll show him.
- [chuckles, dials the phone and holds his nose]
- Stu Pickles: Yes, I'd like to order fifty large pepperoni and mushroom pizzas.
- [smirks to himself]
- Stu Pickles: My name? Drew Pickles.
- [Stu enters the kitchen carrying a briefcase; Drew and Lou sit at the table]
- Drew Pickles: Hey, bro.
- [sniffs the air]
- Drew Pickles: Sheesh, what's that smell?
- [Stu sets his briefcase down on the table and opens it; Drew and Lou look inside]
- Stu Pickles: It's hickory smoked lard, and there's more where *that* came from. Help yourselves.
- [goes to the kitchen sink and fills a cup with water from the tap; Lou digs his fingers in the lard]
- Drew Pickles: No, thanks.
- [stands up and walks over to Stu, who drinks his water]
- Drew Pickles: Oh! Incidentally, now that you're pulling a pay cheque again, I was wondering if you could pay back the money I loaned you for that barbecue grill.
- Stu Pickles: *What*? I paid you back last summer!
- Drew Pickles: Huh! Like fun, you did!
- Stu Pickles: Boy, the minute you start to make good, the vultures just move right on in!
- [storms out of the kitchen]
- [Stu comes home late at night, takes a tin of lard out of his car and goes inside to the kitchen]
- Stu Pickles: Deed, you're not gonna believe this! They're expecting me to memorise 22 different types of lard!
- Drew Pickles: [waves from the table] Hey, little bro.
- Stu Pickles: What are you doing here?
- Drew Pickles: I'm just picking up a cookbook. Thought I'd try a new Chinese recipe.
- Stu Pickles: Cookbook, ha! Maybe you ought to think about returning the *last* book you borrowed from me!
- Drew Pickles: Gee, I hope you're not talking about that colouring book, Stu.
- Stu Pickles: You ate the cover.
- Drew Pickles: I was *five*!
- Stu Pickles: Well, *you're* the one who's bringing up ancient history.
- [leaves the kitchen]