- Hank Hill: I guess I don't know anything about my father, except that he hated Tojos and Nazis, and my mom.
- Hank Hill: I guess I did learn about my dad. Sure, he killed fifty men, but he didn't do it alone. There were plenty of Fatties and Stinkies out there to help him out. Just like, uh, you guys helping me. And even though we never got to enjoy the horrors of war together, I'm glad you are my friends.
- Peggy Hill: Have you seen what he wants you to do, Hank?
- [reads from Cotton's list]
- Peggy Hill: "Give the finger to the bouncer at Juggstore Cowboy. Spit on the steps of the Japanese Embassy." The man is dead. You do not have to do this.
- Didi Hill: You have no idea how difficult it has been to grieve and fall madly in love at the same time.
- Bill Dauterive: I don't know, Hank. Patton's toilet is one of the three places I would like to get flushed down, along with where Elvis died and yours.
- Dale Gribble: I want my skeleton disassembled and shipped to Singapore to be resembled.
- Bill Dauterive: You are going to pick up the can, aren't you, Dale?
- Dale Gribble: Maybe I will, and maybe I won't. We call that suspense.
- Bill Dauterive: Boycott Dale Gribble! He is an exterminator of bugs and friendships! Do not let him into your house, or your heart!
- Hank Hill: Cotton brought that fork back from Germany. I'm uh pretty sure he killed somebody with it.
- Bill Dauterive: [gasps] It's beautiful.