- Barry Lutz: Dr. Crank, I'm so sorry. It seems as though you won't be torturing monkeys any more.
- Dr. Crank: It would seem so... if that had been the ASPCA and not my friend, Terry, calling from backstage!
- Kerri: When you're out there on the court shooting hoops, you want a shoe that's gonna give you an edge. You want a sneaker that makes piggy sounds every time you step down on the heel. And that's just what our shoes do: they make piggy sounds every time you step down on the heel. Piggy Shoes: they make piggy sounds every time you step down on the heel. Isn't it about time your shoes made sounds like a piggy from the heel when you stepped down on 'em?
- Michael Ian Black: Hi, we're The State. You know, a lot of people think that once you get your own TV show it's really easy to get laid. Well, nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, the only one of us who's getting any cookie at all is Marino and that's cuz he's a big, good-looking paisano.