- Deadpool: Hey! Wait for me!
- [Deadpool jumps on a rampaging Hulk]
- Deadpool: Who wants snacks? YOU do!
- [Deadpool forces a grenade down the Hulk's gullet and then jumps off, landing alongside Wolverine, and the two run down a straight hallway with the Hulk in pursuit]
- Deadpool: Logan, I think we lost him!
- [the grenade inside the Hulk explodes...]
- Deadpool: And they all lived happily ever after, except the Hulk!
- Wolverine: Bub... you just made him angrier!
- Hulk: Talking man hurt Hulk... HULK RIP OFF TALKING MAN'S HEAD!
- Deadpool: My head? Oh, crap...!
- Wolverine: He's all yours, Einstein!
- [grabs Deadpool and throws him towards the Hulk]
- Deadpool: Logan? We're friends! NO! NOOO!
- [first lines in "Hulk vs. Thor"]
- Wolverine: My name is Wolverine. I'm the best at what I do... but what I do isn't very nice.
- Deadpool: [falling on Wolverine] BANZAI!
- [Wolverine slices Deadpool's arm off]
- Deadpool: AAH! Ow! Oh... dude, that is just *not* cool!
- [looks at the stump on his body, then his arm some meters away]
- Deadpool: Wow! Look at that! Could you give me a hand?
- [giggles]
- Deadpool: Just kidding! All right... I'll go get it.
- [runs to fix his arm back on]
- The Professor: Weapon X is indeed glad to have you back, Logan. We put considerable time and money into you.
- Deadpool: And pointy things!
- Sabretooth: [to Wolverine] You've gotta love our healing factors. I'm gonna enjoy killing you for days! And then I think we'll drop the Hulk on an orphanage or something.
- Deadpool: [after being choked by Omega Red] Argh... so not cool... I hate that guy!
- [walks towards Wolverine]
- Deadpool: Wolverine, you look so sad. Hey, if it makes you feel any better, Lady Deathstrike tried to kill you when you were asleep.
- Wolverine: Better than having to listen to you.
- Deadpool: Man, does she hate you. I mean, we all hate you, but Deathstrike really, Really, REALLY hates you!
- [takes out his gun]
- Deadpool: Hey, still have that unbreakable skull?
- [Points gun at Wolverine's head and fires. Screen turns black]
- Deadpool: Oh... damn it!
- [first lines in "Hulk vs. Thor"]
- Loki: Outside of the world you know, there exists the realm eternal, Asgard. The shining light of the Nine Worlds, Asgard is home to the gods... all of whom bow down before the AllFather, Odin. Odin's lifeblood flows through Asgard, and Asgard is Odin. His power is all, and he keeps the Asgardian realm safe. But once each winter, the AllFather must rest and enter the Odinsleep. While Odin slumbers, his absence leaves Asgard vulnerable and this is when the wicked descend upon his kingdom. For seven days, an onslaught of trolls, giants, dark elves and demons seek to take control of the Nine Worlds. But they are eternally defeated by HIM... my arrogant, oafish brute of a step-brother... THOR!
- [the Hulk and Wolverine are apprehended with knockout bullets]
- Sabretooth: [to Wolverine] Thanks, runt. We've been trying to take him down for weeks.
- Deadpool: Hey, Logan, it's me, Deadpool! I shot you...
- [Wolverine falls unconscious]
- [Wolverine starts to fight the Porfessor's programming]
- The Professor: We are losing control! Increase the dosage! Initiate lockdown procedures and someone activate Sabretooth!
- [Wolverine comes across a man at a lake crying]
- Wolverine: Hey, bub, you haven't seen a big monster runnin' around here, have ya?
- Bruce Banner: [backing away, agitated] No! Stay back! Get away from me!
- Wolverine: Easy, crybaby, I'm not gonna... you smell toxic!
- [Wolverine throws Banner into a rock]
- Wolverine: Who are you?
- Bruce Banner: Please, leave me alone. For your own sake, please.
- [Wolverine pops two his blades on one arm, forming a vise on Banner's head]
- Wolverine: Here's the deal, misty: a third claw is gonna come out unless you start talkin'!
- Wolverine: You should've killed me when you had the chance, 'cause I'm gonna get outta here, I'm gonna kill all of them, and then... I'm gonna cut out your heart.
- The Professor: Wolverine, after I'm done with you, you won't even remember this conversation. I've erased your life before, and I'm going to do it again. All you'll know is that you belong to Weapon X, now and forever.
- Thor: [battling the Hulk] Why have you come here?
- Loki: [speaking through the Hulk] Why, to kill you, of course, dear stepbrother!
- Thor: Loki!
- [Loki throws Thor through a wall]
- Loki: [throwing punches] I have waited an eternity for this: to crush you with my bare hand, to match your might, to feel your life fade away at my hands...
- [Wolverine arrives at the ruins of Elksford]
- Wolverine: [surveying the destruction] Looks like someone had a bad day...
- Colonel: It happened about hour hours ago, just before dawn. The creature was sighted crossing the US-Candian border. THIS is what happened when it reached civilization.
- Wolverine: The creature?
- Colonel: The Americans call it the Hulk. Details: sketchy. Department H thinks the U.S. Military's covering something up.
- [Wolverine comes across a car wreck and smells it]
- Wolverine: I smell something toxic... gunpowder too.
- [disovers a mass of bullers]
- Wolverine: Someone tried to fight back. Guess they didn't fight hard enough...
- Colonel: Department H wants you to find and stop the Hulk before it reaches another town or city. And if you can't stop it, kill it.
- [Wolverine smiles for the first time]
- Wolverine: Sounds like fun.
- [last lines in "Hulk vs. Wolverine"]
- Wolverine: All right, bub... where were we?
- [draws his claws and leaps at the Hulk]
- [the Warriors Three regroup after a fierce battle]
- Volstagg: [sitting on a troll] Verily, ye must say, that went far better than last winter.
- Hogun: Tell us, Volstagg, are you going to dispatch that troll beneath you, or are you saving him for dinner?
- [Volstagg slams the snarling troll on the head with his flagon]
- Volstagg: It all depends on how much mead I've partaken.
- Fandral: Did my ears deceive me? Did Hogun the Grim make a joke? And here we thought you were still in a foul mood because you didn't get to slay a frost giant!
- Hogun: I've still slain more than thee, Fandral.
- Fandral: But we shall see whom the maidens reward more.
- [Volstagg starts laughing, and Fandral and even Hogun join in]
- Thor: The Hulk shall be sent back to Midgard, and then you shall answer to Odin!
- Loki: Fine! Take the creature! It provided me with amusement enough, seeing him pummel you nigh-unto death!
- [Amora discovers Bruce Banner has been slain by Loki]
- Amora: You... you fool, you've killed him! Do you know what you've done? Because the mortal died here, Hela claimed his soul! Without his soul, I cannot return him to Midgard! Without Bruce Banner... the Hulk cannot leave Asgard!
- [Thor and Loki meet Hela, queen of the Norse underworld]
- Thor: Hail Hela, goddess of the dead.
- Hela: The sons of Odin risk much entering my realm...
- Thor: The Nine Worlds of Asgard are in great peril, including Hel and Middle-Earth. A new Ragnarok is upon us. We need your help. We need Bruce Banner.
- [Hela dismisses her guards]
- Hela: The mortal's soul is MINE, Asgardian. As yours nearly was this very day, and may well be again...
- Thor: You would risk everything for the sake of one soul?
- Hela: As YOU yourself would do, Odin's son.
- Loki: Ah, but you do not have a soul, daughter. You have HALF a soul, you have Bruce Banner. You need the Hulk to complete your prize...
- [the Hulk grabs Thor and Loki in a deadlock]
- Bruce Banner: Hulk! Let them go! I'm the one you want!
- [the Hulk charges at Banner, who fuses with him]
- Thor: You called him weak, Loki, but there is more strength and courage in that man than you will ever know!
- [Loki joins Thor in battle a little late, just as Thor is about to be broken]
- Loki: My apologies... I was enjoying the performance.
- [last lines in "Hulk vs. Thor"]
- Odin: Thus the cycle begins anew. Asgard is safe once again, defended to the end by its heroes. I am proud of each of you that stand before me. The day was saved by loyalty and sacrifice. We honour those who fought beside us and those who are no longer with us, and we defy those who would see us brought to ruin. But while the rewards of Valhalla await all of Asgard's heroes, this day we honour a hero of Midgard, the mortal who sacrificed everything for a land not his own. This day, a human showed the gods what legends are made of. Hail the mortal, Bruce Banner!
- The Professor: You were our best operative, Wolverine. So disappointing. But you did lead us to Dr. Banner. Of course, you know him better as the Hulk.
- Deadpool: [reveals gun and ammo] I shot him in the ass, with one of these!
- [Everyone glares at him]
- Deadpool: What? I did!
- Hulk: HULK SMASH CLAW PEOPLE!
- [charges. Deadpool and Lady Deathstrike get out of his way, but Sabretooth...]
- Sabretooth: NO! NOO! WAIT!
- [is hit so hard he is thrown out of the facility and into the woods]
- Frost Giant: [to Hulk] Loki, god of mischief, bids you death, mortal creature!
- [attacks the Hulk]
- Thor: Bruce Banner, I know thee to be a man of honor. I know thee to be a hero. The lives at stake are not your concern, not even human, but I ask you anyway. Be that hero now.
- Bruce Banner: No, I can't.
- Loki: Enough of this ridiculousness! To think that Loki, Prince of Darkness, should waste his time with defending Asgard!
- [Loki raises his arms to enact a spell, but Thor stops him]
- Thor: Nay, brother! We leave together, for you still have much to answer for!
- Hela: Indeed. You both do. For today Hela has relinquished a soul, and she demands one in exchange!
- Thor: You may try to take my soul, death goddess, but I will make you fight for it. And your realm has suffered much already this day.
- Hela: You speak the truth. So I shall take HIS soul instead!
- Loki: What?
- [souls break out of the ground and grab Loki's ankles]
- Loki: Thor! I helped you! Thor!
- [Loki is dragged into a crevasse]
- Thor: I could fight you for Loki's soul.
- Hela: Will you?
- [pause]
- Thor: No.
- Hela: He is my father; his stay will not be eternal. But know this, Odinson: your soul will be mine, and I will keep it for ever! Your fate is inescapable!
- Thor: We shall see!
- [teleports off]
- Deadpool: [looking at the Professor] Well, he's alive, but I think he's going to need some serious TLC.
- Sabretooth: The last thing the Professor said before the runt gutted him was for us to kill Wolverine.
- Deadpool: Really? Hmm...
- [to Omega Red]
- Deadpool: You buy that? Yeah, you know, I would think the last thing he said was, "Ah, Sabretooth!"
- Omega Red: We kill Wolverine now. That is all that matters.
- Deadpool: Whatever you say, ponytail. Who am I to say no to a little murder?
- [draws his guns]
- Deadpool: [to Team X] Strike a pose!
- Bruce Banner: You don't know what you've done! With no one to rein the Hulk in, he'll tear down your entire world!
- Loki: I find your prattling useless, mortal... just as you are now useless to ME!
- [blasts Banner]
- Sabretooth: I don't care how long you've had him, Professor. This was a mistake. Logan can't be controlled. You have his DNA, so just let me kill him!
- The Professor: [sarcastic] I'll take that advice, Sabretooth... prepare your team for the mission!
- Sabretooth: Your funeral...
- The Professor: Deathstrike, what are you doing here? I'm about to start Wolverine's reprogramming!
- Lady Deathstrike: He has to die!
- The Professor: How many times do we have to have this conversation? He's more valuable alive than...
- [gets slashed in the back by Sabretooth]
- Sabretooth: Sorry, Prof, gotta go with the Lady on this one...