"Ein Sommer auf Elba" is a German television movie from 2021. Yep, from this year. To be precise, this movie had its television premiere tonight on ZDF. The title means "A Summer on Elba" and this makes it obvious that these under 1.5 hours here are another entry to the "Ein Sommer..."/"A Summer..." series to which there are like two or three new films every year and that take place in rather sunny regions of the world. This is what they have in common. The previously mentioned running time they got in common too. And most of all, these films have in common that they are almost always unbearably bad and really painful to watch at times because there is so much cringe to them. Uninspired stupid kitsch romance movies with pseudo drama. This is what they all are and also this newest installment. If you know a but about geography, you will maybe know that the island/region mentioned in the title is an Italy. Europeans will probably know this more often than Americans, but as I rathed expect Europeans to show up on this title page, many will know I assume. By the way, the one thing these films almost always have in common too is that they are entirely German productions. This already shows you that all the filmmakers planned on doing here is arrive get the film done with not many expenses (even if they were literally bathing in GEZ money like Dagobert Duck) and also keep the contact to locals to a minimum. That's also why you won't find Italian actors in here, even if the characters are Italian. This applies to the male protagonist as much as to his daughter. Not a big issue as they are the smallest problem this film has. One supporting actor's name sounds Italian, but he is Bavarian. The outcome is as expected. Nothing about it is worth seeing. The saddest thing is really that this film will not even get you in the mood to spend your holidays in the Italian sun. The first shots from the location were still okay, even if the music sucked, but that's all the positive in terms of how this film can get you in the mood to travel. It can't.
Now, let's talk a bit about the basics: Director is Jophi Ries from Hamburg, who turned 60 not too long ago. "Interesting" body of work here. I see no talent though. This man is mostly an actor and has been for years and back in the 90s he started directing short films. Five years ago, in his mid50s already, he started directing these "A Summer" films all of a sudden and this one here is already his third, also the third on a hot island after Spain and Greece. Devastating body of work for a filmmaker. As for his acting career, that is not over yet, but also a collection of projects in which you will rarely come across good quality, most of the time not even mediocre quality. And as he is not a spring chicken anymore, I doubt there is hope for improvement, no matter if we are talking about his work in front of the camera or behind it. He only wrote the very early short films himself, so no surprise that they got another writer here. That would be Birgit Maiwald. Not too much to say about her. She is 20 years younger than the director and her body of work is slightly better, but also not exactly a revelation. Also this is not her first "Ein Sommer" kitsch movie either. She was on Cyprus before. As for the cast, Swiss experienced actress Regula Grauwiller is the biggest name here and also plays the central character as you can see from the title of my review. I think she was terrible here and also not good in other films I saw her in. Cannot say too much about Schupp. At least his character felt a bit Italian, so this was maybe a success. Janek Rieke was so-so. Henry Horn was unwatchably bad and he really should be having a film career as a grown-up. No talent and I am not surprised he was in the abysmal "Teufelskicker" as a child back in the day. Emelie Kundrun is pretty attractive, but cannot say too much about her as an actress. You could say for every character really that the script was so poor that not even the best performers could have made it work. But Grauwiller and Horn were the only ones who made things even worse and for that it sure takes a special absence of talent.
Now let me talk about a few references and scenes and inclusions that, in my opinion, made this such a terrible movie. I already mentioned the entire background of these "A Summer" movies and how there is not even ambition to come up with something good. It's the film equivalent to mass processing. Make as many films as possible with pseudo important plots and allegedly deep characters and hope for as many fools out there (especially females) fall for this charade and make sure nobody realizes that all the GEZ money goes elsewhere. And definitely not into objective news reports either as we have seen on ZDF (and ARD) for years now. The really bad thing is that this mess of a movie will probably be on national television for another ten years at least, probably fifteen. We have a separated couple with children and they still go on holidays together for the family aspect and that the kids have lots of contact with both parents. This does not go so well because the kids are only on their mobile phones all day and daddy can't relax either, but uses his laptop all day. Mother (Grauweiler) is not amused and just leaves on her own, but not before putting out the internet cable. What a cool move from her wasn't it? Who cares if daddy was maybe working on something important or the young son reaching a new highscore. She did the right thing. No doubt about it. Basically, the first scenes are about nothing but showing us how her folks do not appreciate the beautiful island one bit. And also how they are incapable of fulfilling the simplest tasks without her. The fridge is empty and on one occasion, when they are in the city, they are so lost that they almost keep screaming her name.
Mother is far away though. Where is she? Meeting a local man who she keeps bumping into on so many occasions and the result is sunglasses constantly falling down and into some liquid. Cute. So these meetings with the guy (Schupp) were ridiculous enough already, also how she keeps bumping into him and I mean this literally. Must be a small island. Or fate? You decide. I myself call it nonsense. As the film progresses, in the absence of the mother, the three male family members also get going eventually. Daddy spends some time with the younger son and again daddy is exposed for being pretty clueless. We must be 100% sure he does noot deserve his ex-partner. Men are almost always fools in these sexist films. Also Grauwiller's character's new man as we find out towards the end. But let's stay with the middle of the movie now. Then there is the older son (Horn). What does he do? Meet with Schupp's character's daughter. Oh yes, a really small island. Unreal they truly thought what they were doing here was authentic and that some audience members even fell for it all. No hope for those. I know I already said it, but Kundrun's looks were nice. The film had so little positive to offer that I can repeat myself without any worries. And of course her character was looking for a photographer the exact same time as she meets the young man and she knows literally nothing about him, but hey who cares? Let's still employ him. Back to the two lovebirds: Grauwiller's character randomly finds out (of course, she would never snoop around) that her potential man of choice is losing his eyesight. When she went up to him and confronted him with the diagnosis and the really complicated medical term, it was so bad that I had to laugh hard how they absolutely shamefully showed us here how much of a smart woman she is. Unreal moment.
Near the end, we also get a clean dose of pseudo drama. Kids running away and worried parents are frequently a thing with these movies. It also fits the description here, but not 100%. Levis Kachel's character is with the man who cannot see too well anymore. What happens next? The boy rolls around some steep gradient. Not sure this is the right word, but you know what I mean. Of course, he is alright. At the same time, mother Grauwiller rushes to the scene because she suspects her son forgot his medication because he is allergic to wasps. So more potential pseudo drama here with a potential fall from the reckless group members and also an allergic reaction for the boy. Neither happens luckily. And I don't say this because I want them healthy. I say this because it would have been more pseudo drama nonsense. By the way, is it realistic that there are only these wasps in one specific area of the island? I guess our caring mother did not care when she simply took off on her own without thinking about her family one bit. Very strange. And don't tell me it was because they were inside and busy with their mobile phones anyway and nothing could happen there. Anyway, the boy of course has his medicine with him and what does this tell the audience? Not that mother is a relentless control freak. But that she did a fine job raising him and teaching him about responsibilities. Absolutely.
In the end, there is farewell time. Mother managed to inspire her ex-man and children to finally go out and enjoy the island. She did everything right of course. Her ex-man talks to her in a way where it feels he fell in love with her again. Her new love's daughter is really grateful to her and in the end, there may not be as much farewell as you might think because the filmmakers trick us into thinking she is on the plane leaving, but nope: She surprises her man and the audience (those fools who care) that she is still on the island. No worries, he sure has room for her and if she decides that she wants to give him a chance, then he has no other option than to agree. Of course, he has been drooling over her for the entire film anyway. His most cringeworthy moment was probably the Berlusconi story. Enough now. This is a terrible movie. Highly not recommended.
Now, let's talk a bit about the basics: Director is Jophi Ries from Hamburg, who turned 60 not too long ago. "Interesting" body of work here. I see no talent though. This man is mostly an actor and has been for years and back in the 90s he started directing short films. Five years ago, in his mid50s already, he started directing these "A Summer" films all of a sudden and this one here is already his third, also the third on a hot island after Spain and Greece. Devastating body of work for a filmmaker. As for his acting career, that is not over yet, but also a collection of projects in which you will rarely come across good quality, most of the time not even mediocre quality. And as he is not a spring chicken anymore, I doubt there is hope for improvement, no matter if we are talking about his work in front of the camera or behind it. He only wrote the very early short films himself, so no surprise that they got another writer here. That would be Birgit Maiwald. Not too much to say about her. She is 20 years younger than the director and her body of work is slightly better, but also not exactly a revelation. Also this is not her first "Ein Sommer" kitsch movie either. She was on Cyprus before. As for the cast, Swiss experienced actress Regula Grauwiller is the biggest name here and also plays the central character as you can see from the title of my review. I think she was terrible here and also not good in other films I saw her in. Cannot say too much about Schupp. At least his character felt a bit Italian, so this was maybe a success. Janek Rieke was so-so. Henry Horn was unwatchably bad and he really should be having a film career as a grown-up. No talent and I am not surprised he was in the abysmal "Teufelskicker" as a child back in the day. Emelie Kundrun is pretty attractive, but cannot say too much about her as an actress. You could say for every character really that the script was so poor that not even the best performers could have made it work. But Grauwiller and Horn were the only ones who made things even worse and for that it sure takes a special absence of talent.
Now let me talk about a few references and scenes and inclusions that, in my opinion, made this such a terrible movie. I already mentioned the entire background of these "A Summer" movies and how there is not even ambition to come up with something good. It's the film equivalent to mass processing. Make as many films as possible with pseudo important plots and allegedly deep characters and hope for as many fools out there (especially females) fall for this charade and make sure nobody realizes that all the GEZ money goes elsewhere. And definitely not into objective news reports either as we have seen on ZDF (and ARD) for years now. The really bad thing is that this mess of a movie will probably be on national television for another ten years at least, probably fifteen. We have a separated couple with children and they still go on holidays together for the family aspect and that the kids have lots of contact with both parents. This does not go so well because the kids are only on their mobile phones all day and daddy can't relax either, but uses his laptop all day. Mother (Grauweiler) is not amused and just leaves on her own, but not before putting out the internet cable. What a cool move from her wasn't it? Who cares if daddy was maybe working on something important or the young son reaching a new highscore. She did the right thing. No doubt about it. Basically, the first scenes are about nothing but showing us how her folks do not appreciate the beautiful island one bit. And also how they are incapable of fulfilling the simplest tasks without her. The fridge is empty and on one occasion, when they are in the city, they are so lost that they almost keep screaming her name.
Mother is far away though. Where is she? Meeting a local man who she keeps bumping into on so many occasions and the result is sunglasses constantly falling down and into some liquid. Cute. So these meetings with the guy (Schupp) were ridiculous enough already, also how she keeps bumping into him and I mean this literally. Must be a small island. Or fate? You decide. I myself call it nonsense. As the film progresses, in the absence of the mother, the three male family members also get going eventually. Daddy spends some time with the younger son and again daddy is exposed for being pretty clueless. We must be 100% sure he does noot deserve his ex-partner. Men are almost always fools in these sexist films. Also Grauwiller's character's new man as we find out towards the end. But let's stay with the middle of the movie now. Then there is the older son (Horn). What does he do? Meet with Schupp's character's daughter. Oh yes, a really small island. Unreal they truly thought what they were doing here was authentic and that some audience members even fell for it all. No hope for those. I know I already said it, but Kundrun's looks were nice. The film had so little positive to offer that I can repeat myself without any worries. And of course her character was looking for a photographer the exact same time as she meets the young man and she knows literally nothing about him, but hey who cares? Let's still employ him. Back to the two lovebirds: Grauwiller's character randomly finds out (of course, she would never snoop around) that her potential man of choice is losing his eyesight. When she went up to him and confronted him with the diagnosis and the really complicated medical term, it was so bad that I had to laugh hard how they absolutely shamefully showed us here how much of a smart woman she is. Unreal moment.
Near the end, we also get a clean dose of pseudo drama. Kids running away and worried parents are frequently a thing with these movies. It also fits the description here, but not 100%. Levis Kachel's character is with the man who cannot see too well anymore. What happens next? The boy rolls around some steep gradient. Not sure this is the right word, but you know what I mean. Of course, he is alright. At the same time, mother Grauwiller rushes to the scene because she suspects her son forgot his medication because he is allergic to wasps. So more potential pseudo drama here with a potential fall from the reckless group members and also an allergic reaction for the boy. Neither happens luckily. And I don't say this because I want them healthy. I say this because it would have been more pseudo drama nonsense. By the way, is it realistic that there are only these wasps in one specific area of the island? I guess our caring mother did not care when she simply took off on her own without thinking about her family one bit. Very strange. And don't tell me it was because they were inside and busy with their mobile phones anyway and nothing could happen there. Anyway, the boy of course has his medicine with him and what does this tell the audience? Not that mother is a relentless control freak. But that she did a fine job raising him and teaching him about responsibilities. Absolutely.
In the end, there is farewell time. Mother managed to inspire her ex-man and children to finally go out and enjoy the island. She did everything right of course. Her ex-man talks to her in a way where it feels he fell in love with her again. Her new love's daughter is really grateful to her and in the end, there may not be as much farewell as you might think because the filmmakers trick us into thinking she is on the plane leaving, but nope: She surprises her man and the audience (those fools who care) that she is still on the island. No worries, he sure has room for her and if she decides that she wants to give him a chance, then he has no other option than to agree. Of course, he has been drooling over her for the entire film anyway. His most cringeworthy moment was probably the Berlusconi story. Enough now. This is a terrible movie. Highly not recommended.
