- Self - Contestant: Is anybody dreaming weird while you're here? Last night I had a fucking crazy, really vivid nightmare where I went home and I woke up like...
- Self - Contestant: I think it's time we make that dream reality!
- [all laugh]
- Self - Contestant: Olivia, your teeth are whiter than Utica and Gottmik trying to twerk to disco.
- [all laugh]
- Self - Judge: What did you get arrested for?
- Self - Contestant: They said I was prostituting. I didn't even know that's what that was! I mean, I just thought people gave you money when you gave 'em fellatio!
- Self - Host: You better step your pussy up. Get a job, suck a dick.
- Self - Judge: Hold on. Go slower. I'm writing it down.
- [all laugh]
- Self - Host: Ladies, you are safe. You may leave the stage. Ladies, now it's time for the judges' critiques.
- Self - Judge: She sort of disappeared behind Tina Burner, and, you know, you can't blame her. Tina was everywhere. She had her ass up in my face. I haven't had that much ass in my face since-- what time is it?
- Self - Host: I'm sorry, my dears, but you are up for elimination. Two queens stand before me. Ladies, this is your last chance to impress me and save yourself from elimination. The time has come... for you to lip sync... for your life!
- Self - Host: Con-drag-ulations, ladies. And remember, if you can't love yourself, how in the hell are you going to love someone else? Can I get a "amen" up in here? All right. Well, let the music play.
- Self - Host: Thank you, ladies. I think we've heard enough. While you untuck backstage, the judges and I will deliberate. All right, now just between us squirrel friends, whaddaya think?