Men in Black³ (2012)
Josh Brolin: Young Agent K
Photos
Quotes
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Young Agent K : Look, slick, seeing I live past this, can you tell me whether me and O...?
Agent J : A wise man told me once: don't ask questions you don't want the answer to.
Young Agent K : I said that, didn't I?
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Young Agent K : [punches J] That's for lying to me!
[punches J again]
Young Agent K : That's for telling me the truth!
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Andy Warhol : So what are you doin' on my turf, K?
Young Agent K : Tracking a killer, a Bogladyte. We have reason to believe he's gonna hit here next, Glamourian.
Andy Warhol : Glamourian?
Young Agent K : Mm-hmmm.
Andy Warhol : Right solar system, wrong planet. He's gotta be after the Arcanian.
Young Agent K : No, Arcanians are extinct...
Andy Warhol : Well, apparently they're not. One washed ashore last week. The whole Roswell circuit's all abuzz about it. Alien unicorn, last of its species. His name's Griffin, Griffin The Arcanian.
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[from trailer]
Agent J : Hey man, heck, how old are you?
Young Agent K : Twenty-nine.
Agent J : You got some city miles on you...
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Young Agent K : I can see why I recruited you. You're a good man.
Agent J : What the hell happened to you, man?
Young Agent K : I told you, it hasn't happened yet...
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Young Agent K : [neuralyzes young J] There's only one thing you need to know: your father was a hero.
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Young Agent K : Who are you, and what do you know?
Agent J : I'm an agent of Men in Black, but I'm from the future. We're partners, twenty-five years from now you're going to recruit me. And 14 years after, the guy you DIDN'T let me kill at Coney Island he escapes from prison, and jumps back in the past and unleashes a full-scale invasion of Earth. We have about 19 hours to catch him and kill him, so really we need to go right now!
Young Agent K : [deadpan] All right.
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Agent J : I was on my way to my girlfriend's house.
Young Agent K : What's your girlfriend's name?
Agent J : Shh...
[pauses, thinking]
Agent J : Darren.
Young Agent K : Schdarren?
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Andy Warhol : [about J] Who's that guy? Okay, don't tell me he's your new partner.
Young Agent K : Actually, he's my old partner. He travelled back from the future to save the planet...
Andy Warhol : Jesus! Stop, don't tell me. I don't wanna know.
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Agent J : Damn it! We had him!
Young Agent K : Relax, Cochise. We'll find him.
Agent J : First of all, my name is J, okay? It's not "son," it's not "slick," and it damn sure ain't "Cochise." And I'm not gonna relax 'cause we're running out of time, we're running out of clues and there's an invasion coming. You're not really recognizing my "voicial" intensity. Oh, but there was one guy that could help. Hey, Griffin! Griffin! Where's Griffin? Griffin. Where's Griffin at, K? He's gone. If Boris gets to him before we, that's no bueno.
Young Agent K : We need pie.
Agent J : What?
Young Agent K : My granddaddy always said: "If you got a problem you can't solve, it helps to get out of your head." Pie. It's good.
Agent J : Pie?
Young Agent K : Yeah.
Agent J : Your granddaddy, heavyset man?
Young Agent K : A little bit.
Agent J : Yeah, you know what? We've been doing smart stuff. We've been following clues, doing real police work. It might be time we do something stupid. Something that ain't got nothing to do with nothing. You know what? Now, I want some pie, K. I want some pie. Let's go get some dumb-ass pie.
Young Agent K : Sounds good.
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Young Agent K : You said we don't talk, right? Go ahead, ask me any question. Anything you want, just as long as it doesn't have to do with the case... just let her rip.
Agent J : What's up with you and O?
Young Agent K : Me and O?
Agent J : Yeah, you and O.
Young Agent K : All right, all right... all right, this is it. A while back, I was assigned to keep tabs on a musician, Mick Jagger. He was in this British group, Rolling Stones...
Agent J : Rings a bell.
Young Agent K : We believed he's on the planet to breed with Earth women, so I was in London and that's when I met O. She's smart, funny... great smile and we find ourselves in this pub, Whistler's Bar, warm beer and the worst food you ever ate. We just played darts till the sun came up, neither of us wanted to leave...
Agent J : What the hell happened to you, man?
Young Agent K : I don't know, it hasn't happened yet? Come on, what about you slick? In the future you got yourself a girl?
Agent J : I got you!
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Colonel : [watches Apollo 11 take off] Ain't that a sight.
Young Agent K : You want to see more, there's an job opening for you in our agency.
Colonel : I wish I could...
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Young Agent K : Why don't you come with me to Room 43 for one final enquiry: an eye exam.
Agent J : [at Room 43] That's not an eye exam... that's a big-ass neuralyzer!
Young Agent K : You sure have a lot of information for a fella who doesn't know anything.
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[from trailer]
Young Agent K : Okay, future man, where to?
Agent J : First of all, I'm gonna need my gun.
[K gives J a pistol]
Agent J : No no no, space gun!
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[heading upstairs to The Factory, J and K pass two models]
Young Agent K : For such an ungainly species, they've really thrived here on Earth.
Agent J : Yeah, I was an agent for three years before I realized all models were aliens. Found out the hard way...
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Andy Warhol : K, you've got to fake my death. I can't listen to sitar music anymore!
Young Agent K : All right, I'll see what I can do. I'll talk to X.
[leaves]
Andy Warhol : K, I can't tell the women from the men!
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[a tasered J wakes up in 1969 MIB headquarters]
Agent J : You need to turn the electricity on that damn thing. I can't taste my fricking tongue, K.
Young Agent K : How do you know my name?
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Boris The Animal : I win! I'm better than me.
Young Agent K : [Blows off Boris's arm]
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Colonel : Where's your partner?
Young Agent K : He's fine, he went back home.
Colonel : How's that work?
Young Agent K : You got me!
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[the Colonel guides K and J to the top of Apollo 11]
Young Agent K : Thank you, Colonel.
Colonel : [shakes K's hand] Some job you got there.
Agent J : [shakes the Colonel's hand] Thanks, man. Hey, what did Griffin show you back there?
Colonel : [smiles] He showed me how important you are. You and your partner.
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Agent J : Actually, Mr. Warhol, I gotta tell you, I really love your work!
Andy Warhol : Oh, oh thank you...
[to K]
Andy Warhol : who's the dumbass?
Agent J : Whoa! Hey, how about a little professional courtesy here?
Andy Warhol : What's that, dumbass?
Agent J : Say it again...
Andy Warhol : You want me to?
Agent J : I dare you!
Andy Warhol : Dumbass!
Young Agent K : Agents...
Agent J : You know, I don't have no problem pimp-slappin' the shiznit out of Andy Warhol!
Andy Warhol : ...Wha?
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Agent J : [through Griffin's eyes, J and K see the last game of the 1969 World Series] So this is how you see things? This is amazing!
Griffin : It's a gigantic pain in the ass, but it has it's moments.
Agent J : Wait, this game doesn't happen 'til October.
Griffin : Oh, it's always October, November, March... so many futures, and they're all real, just don't know which one will coalesce. Until then, they're all happening. Like this one, it's my favorite moment in human history. All the things that have to converge for the Mets to win the World Series. They were in last place every single season until they won it all.
Young Agent K : You said you had a gift for us?
Griffin : That baseball, for instance, thrown for the last out of Game 5, manufactured in 1962 by the Spalding Factory of Chicopee, Massachusetts, was aerodynamically flawed, due to the horse hide being improperly tanned because Sheila, the tanner's wife, left him for a Puerto Rican golf pro that Sunday...
Agent J : [signals "time out" with his hands] Uh, the gift?
Griffin : Oh, oh, yes, of course, it's in the box. It's the surprise. To protect the Earth, it's the shield.
Agent J : Shield... Arcanan... Arc-Net! That's what you did! You put up the Arc-Net.
Young Agent K : How did I do that?
Griffin : When that ball is pitched to Davey Johnson, who only became a baseball player because his father couldn't find a football to give him for his eighth birthday - it hits his bat two micrometers too high, causing him to pop out to Cleon Jones - who would have been born Clara, a statistical typist, if his parents didn't have an extra glass of wine that night before going to bed.
[Jones catches the ball, ending the game in victory for the Mets]
Griffin : A miracle is what seems impossible but happens anyway. I lost my planet. I don't want you to lose yours. It'll take a miracle, but if you pull this off, you'll be my new favorite moment in human history. Oh, dear. I forgot to see this one coming.
[gets captured by Boris]
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Young Agent K : Griffin, right? Hey, we're here...
Griffin : Because of Boris the Animal.
Young Agent K : Correct. We believe he may be coming...
Griffin : Coming to kill me, yes. He'll be here in two minutes, unless of course we're in the possible future where he made all the lights on Bowery and got here early and is just about to discharge a weapon through the doorway, in which case we're all dead in two seconds.
[pause. They all look at the door]
Griffin : ...Ah, good. That was a close one.
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Young Agent K : We'll take it from here!
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[as K and J leave MiB together]
Agent X : Agent K, what's he still doing here?
Young Agent K : [referring to the neuralyzer] I might've cooked him for too long, thought I'd better walk him out.
Agent J : [in childish voice, proudly] I put my pants on.
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[at the entrance to the Factory]
Funky 60's Dude : Password?
Agent J : Hey, look, funky 60's dude, we don't have a lot of time...
Young Agent K : Janis Joplin.
[the Dude opens the door]
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Young Agent K : [while pursuing Boris] Hey, slick! In the future, we ever done the Texas Two-Step?
Agent J : Yes, sir!
[proceeds to distract Boris the Animal]
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[from trailer]
Young Agent K : [unfolds space bike] They have these in the future?
Agent J : That's what I'm talking about!
