The Addams Family (TV Series)
F.T.V. (1992)
Rip Taylor: Uncle Fester
Quotes
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Uncle Fester : Wanna relive our safari days and shrink my head?
Gomez Addams : Always, brother! But I promised my pet I'd read her the next two chapters of Uncle Spore's "Fungi of the World."
Morticia Addams : Ah, the way Gomez reads each page it's as if Uncle Spore were here with us in the room.
Gomez Addams : Well, he was, until Lurch hosed down the underside of the bed...
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[In the Normanmeyer's bedroom...]
Mr. Normanmeyer : [waking from a nightmare] I'll have those mediums to you by Tuesday! Huh?... Fester!
Mrs. Normanmeyer : Eek!
Mr. Normanmeyer : How did you get in here?
Uncle Fester : Oh, through the hole in the middle of your living room floor!
Mrs. Normanmeyer : But we don't have a hole in our floor!
Uncle Fester : [holding a shovel] You do now!
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Uncle Fester : Morticia says I need to learn how to enjoy my time alone and...
[looks at a bandage on Normanmeyer's arm]
Uncle Fester : What are you going to do with that bandage when you're done with it?
Norman Normanmeyer : Get away!
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Uncle Fester : [strapped in an electric chair, nursing a black eye] Oh, that Norm, what a rough-and-tumble kind of guy! Have to love him...
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Mr. Normanmeyer : Wait a minute, a hopeless pinhead like you run a TV station?
Pugsley Addams : Yeah!
Mr. Normanmeyer : Why, never in my whole life have I heard of anything more ridiculous, more idiotic and... and bizarre!
Uncle Fester : [tears of joy] I knew you'd approve, but wow! Your enthusiasm overwhelms me!
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[last lines]
Norman Normanmeyer : Good night, puff cake.
Mrs. Normanmeyer : Good night, beef chunk.
Uncle Fester : Nighty-night, buckwheat!
Norman Normanmeyer : Shut up!
Uncle Fester : Oh, have to love him...
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Uncle Fester : Enjoy my time alone... hm. Enjoy my time alone...
Morticia Addams : [behind a closed door] Oh Gomez...
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Uncle Fester : Well, actually, Norm old pal, I came over for a little advice.
Norman Normanmeyer : How 'bout drop dead?
Uncle Fester : [sighs] I wish it were that easy...
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Norman Normanmeyer : Why don't you read a book or watch TV, by yourself? On another continent, forever!
Uncle Fester : TV? Yeah! Now you're cooking with gas! Oh, thanks, pal-o-rama! Wow! TV! I knew I could count on you when I'm down! This is just great...
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Uncle Fester : [channel surfing] What's with this city? They don't even have a decent TV show! Why, I could do a better job!... Yeah.
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Wednesday Addams : Dear Uncle, what mischief have you devised this morning?
Uncle Fester : Behold, my own satellite TV station!
Gomez Addams : Yes!
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Norman Normanmeyer : [answering the phone] Normanmeyer's.
Uncle Fester : Hey, Normster, I think I've finally found my hitch TV stationist!
Norman Normanmeyer : Wrong number!
[hangs up. the phone rings]
Uncle Fester : But with all this new pressure, I'll be needing your advice more than ever! We'll be talking all the time! Won't that be great?
Norman Normanmeyer : No!
[hangs up. the phone rings]
Norman Normanmeyer : What?
Uncle Fester : I was wondering... should my meteorologist be one of those scientific types, or, eh, one of those wacky obnoxious ones?
Norman Normanmeyer : [dialing his phone] I got to go, Fester, I got another call! Hello?
Uncle Fester : Sorry to interrupt me, but I have another question...
Norman Normanmeyer : [Norman screams] Tell him I'm not here!
[throws the phone into his wife's hands and runs, smack into Fester]
Uncle Fester : Oh, I know how you feel, sometimes I'm not where I am either...
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Norman Normanmeyer : How would you like it if I took over your station?
Uncle Fester : You, president of FTV? Oh, pinch me, I must be dreaming!
Norman Normanmeyer : It's no dream, Fes, I'm dead serious!
Uncle Fester : Pinch me anyway, please.
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Mr. Normanmeyer : [points out the window] Say, isn't that a six-car pile-up?
Pugsley Addams : Cool!
[the Addamses rush over to the window to check it out]
Mr. Normanmeyer : [deactivating the satellite] Come on, baby, come on down...
[the Addams return from the window depressed]
Wednesday Addams : Darn the luck!
Uncle Fester : Oh, buck it!
Gomez Addams : Just another Johnson barbecue...
Mr. Normanmeyer : Well, I guess my eyes aren't what they used to be...
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[Thanks to Normanmeyer, the city is in a mass panic]
Uncle Fester : Wow!
Gomez Addams : Not ten seconds on the job, and the man's already making his mark!
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[the F.T.V. satellite is going to crash into town]
Pugsley Addams : [running outside] I want to be first!
Wednesday Addams : [following Pugsley] No, me!
Uncle Fester : Way to go, Normster!
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Uncle Fester : [picking a beetle off the Mayor's shoe] Can I have this?
Norman Normanmeyer : Fester! Ewww!
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Uncle Fester : [receiving money] Thanks! It all goes into my Norm fund, you know!
Morticia Addams : Only four more months, and you'll have enough to build that nice Mr. Normanmeyer a new home!
Gomez Addams : Wait until he sees the underwater bowling alley!
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Uncle Fester : Hiya, Norm! Looking good!
[Normanmeyer screams]