- [first lines]
- Bob Moss: [setting model figure upright] Hey! On your feet, Thomas, there's a good lad.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: [Referring to the corpse's stab wound] How much force was used?
- Dr Bullard: None was needed. As I've said so many times before, our Creator was guilty of a few design faults when he made human beings. Vital organs too close to the surface of the skin.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Oh, but, George, he gave us a brain to compensate.
- Dr Bullard: That was the biggest design fault of all.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: [Referring to the village of Little worthy] You see, Jones, you look at this. You'd think you were in some kind of rural paradise, but how wrong you'd be!
- Hilary Compton: [to Harriet] Even to this day, I fail to understand your relationship with the Good Lord: if it lives, criticize it; if it dies, pray for it. Seems to be your only pleasure in life.
- DS Ben Jones: [by a body tied down in a model village] And before anyone asks, sir, his name's not Gulliver.
- [last lines]
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Bernice. Would it matter very much to you if I told you that *Harriet* Compton was not your real mother?
- Bernice: Not now, no. Too late to care.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Tell me about your life before you came here, in Goodmansland.
- Bernice: Ah, not much to say.
- [sings]
- Bernice: And the tree in the hole / And the hole in the ground...
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Well, didn't they miss you when you decided to leave?
- Bernice: There was only Mary.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Your adoptive mother.
- Bernice: Yeah. She didn't want me to go, but she died just before I left.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: What'd she die of?
- Bernice: Apparently she drank something that didn't agree with her.
- [sings]
- Bernice: And the tree in the hole / And the hole in the ground / And the green grass grows all around, all around, and the green grass grows all around. / And on this tree there was a limb / The prettiest limb you ever did see / The limb on a tree / And the tree in the hole / And the hole in the ground / And the green grass grows all around, all around, and the green grass grows all around.
- Kate Dove: [while in bed with Mike] Amazing. You're the only man I know who smells like a poof and shags like a rhino.
- Steve Dove: I'd much rather be running a shop like this than a tearoom.
- Annabel Johnson: Well, I'm glad someone appreciates it. Mike doesn't. He says it's all a bit too fussy for him. I'm afraid he's not a buttons-and-bows man. He scares me sometimes.
- Steve Dove: Why?
- Annabel Johnson: I just don't know what he gets up to.
- Annabel Johnson: [Notices Steve running his hands over some fabric] Feels so good to touch, doesn't it? Sad, really. I have so many glamorous things to wear. Exotic things, some people might call them. Naughty things. But I've no one to wear them for.