Royal Pains (TV Series)

The Honeymoon's Over (2009)

Paulo Costanzo: Evan R. Lawson

Quotes 

• Evan R. Lawson : So, welcome to the inaugural HankMed staff meeting. I love your blouse, Divya. Good-good day to you. First on this evening's agenda, uh, business development.

  Dr. Hank Lawson : It's 11:00 a.m.

  Evan R. Lawson : Oh, yeah. No, I wrote this last night. Sorry. Ha-ha.

  Dr. Hank Lawson : Yeah. Since I left the ER, the two things I miss least are pelvic exams and staff meetings, and not necessarily in that order.

  Divya Katdare : Evan, can't you just send out an e-mail?

  Dr. Hank Lawson : Oh.

  Evan R. Lawson : Yeah, okay. You know what? I'll send an e-mail. That's great. Okay. Cool, Divya. Uh, I'm sending an e-mail to both of you that says "I worked for three days on this multimedia presentation, and that you're going to sit down, shut up, and enjoy it." There. Sent. How's that sound? How's it goin' over there, Stu?

  Stu : [hiccuping]  Still working on it, Mr. Lawson.

  Evan R. Lawson : Okay, that's cool. Keep it up.

  Dr. Hank Lawson : Was it really necessary to retain an AV specialist for this?

  Divya Katdare : We should reschedule the meeting.

  Evan R. Lawson : Motion to reschedule not seconded. Motion fails, moving on.

  Dr. Hank Lawson : There's no stopping him when he's like this. The bylaws to our tree house were eight pages long - and it was an imaginary tree house.

• Evan R. Lawson : So, our research department has shown that when our CEO attends house calls, our client conversion triples.

  Divya Katdare : Has our research department also found that we have no research department?

• Divya Katdare : Evan.

  Evan R. Lawson : What?

  Divya Katdare : Be quiet. Be professional, behave, but mostly be quiet.

• Alan Ryder : [to Divya]  For some reason, I assumed "HankMed" meant a doctor named Hank.

  Evan R. Lawson : [to Divya]  You see, I should get a branding award for coming up with that.

• Divya Katdare : What do you think you're doing?

  Evan R. Lawson : Shutting you down, Nurse Guantanamo. What are YOU doing? Have you ever heard of bedside manner?

  Divya Katdare : This isn't about bedside manner. This is about diagnosing a problem and helping the patient. You don't need an M.D. at the end of your name to know what's going on here.

  Evan R. Lawson : [scoffs]  Well, duh, but the guy obviously doesn't want to tell a CFO and his P.A. that his brand new wife gave him an STD.

• Evan R. Lawson : Patients into clients, patients into clients. SAY it. It's empowering, AND it's Hank-sanctioned, too. Remember?

• Alan Ryder : On behalf of me and my genitals, thank you.

  Evan R. Lawson : Absolutely. Well, we aim to please all of you, so... great.

• Divya Katdare : [to Hank]  Oh, and I read Zack's file. His non-compliance sounds like a liability.

  Evan R. Lawson : You want Divya should rough him up?

• Evan R. Lawson : Plans are good. Contracts are better.

• Rachel Ryder : Don't you guys have a triple-A discount? Coupon in the paper? Two-for-one special? Anything?

  Evan R. Lawson : We're here to keep your husband alive, ma'am, not steam clean your carpets.