The Penguins of Madagascar (TV Series)

What Goes Around/Mask of the Raccoon (2009)

Tom McGrath: Skipper

Photos 

Quotes 

• Skipper : Let's not rush to judgement. My team will conduct a thorough investigation. Then, when all the facts are in...

  [Rico bursts in babbling excitedly] 

  Kowalski : Someone stole our TV!

  Skipper : ...Then we're gonna nail that thief to the wall!

• Private : You're a dirty, dirty liar! And your pants are on fire!

  Rico : Whoa!

  Private : And - and you go jump up and touch a telephone wire! That's what a dirty liar you are!

  Skipper : Stand down, Private. We'll take it from here.

  Archie : Thanks. Some of those things he said were really hurtful.

  Skipper : Mister, you're just entering a world of hurt! Kowalski, hurt options.

  Kowalski : The Vulcan towel snap?

  Skipper : Possibly. Go on.

  Kowalski : The Spanish wet willie?

  Skipper : Intriguing.

  Kowalski : The Croatian purple nurple?

  Skipper : Bingo! Gentlemen, we have a winner. Rico, do the honors.

• Skipper : Ah, closing time. Are there two sweeter words known to man or beast?

  Private : Puppy love?

  Rico : Ka... boom?

  Kowalski : Plutonium-fueled-DNA-mutating-abomination-monster maker.

  Rico : Huh?

  Kowalski : The first word's hypenated.

  Skipper : Yeah, yeah, all good. But the words I was thinking of were...

  Little Girl : My dolly!

  Private : [snickering]  Skipper?

  Skipper : That wasn't me! That was...

  Little Girl : I lost my dolly!

  Skipper : Hot-molded plastic! Dolly down! Rescue operation is a go, go, go!

• Kowalski : [about Officer X's van]  So wild. So free. But I know I can tame her!

  Skipper : We'll never make it to the zoo with that steel psychomobile on our tail. Men, we've got to take that van out.

  Kowalski : [Struggling]  No! Yes. You're right. The van must... go! I need a minute.

• Officer X : I loved that van!

  Kowalski : Yes, we all loved the van! You think you're the only one hurting?

  Skipper : Let it go, Kowalski!

• Skipper : You see, once you show the Universe who's boss, things just work out.

• Skipper : [Corners the Archer on top of an ostrich]  We can do this the easy way, or we can do this...

  [the Archer plucks a feather from the ostrich, causing it to run; Skipper falls off as the Archer rides away] 

  Skipper : Oh, have the decency to let me finish!

• Archie : [Corners Skipper with a plastic knife]  You are a worthy adversary, monsieur, but I must bid you adieu.

  Skipper : [Takes knife and corners the Archer]  You can keep your dieu. You're not going anywhere.

• Fred : Of course, if you wanted to see a raccoon, you could always go see Archie.

  Skipper : Archie?

  Fred : Yeah, Archie. That guy's a lousy, back-stabbing cheat. He's my best friend.

• Archie : [French accent]  Oh, Skipper, mon ami! What a pleasant surprise...

  Skipper : Don't mon ami me! You took advantage of our good nature!

  Kowalski : Not to mention all the citizens of the zoo.

  Archie : [Drops accent]  Look, it's not what you think...

  Private : Even your charming French accent... was a lie! How could you?

  Archie : Yeah, about that. Well, you see... Look out! Leopard seal!

  Skipper : Hit the dirt!

  [the penguins duck, as Archie runs away] 

  Skipper : Blast! He duped us.

  Kowalski : And we fell for it like a couple of first-year hatchlings.