- Skipper: I don't like it. What do you make of it, Kowalski?
- Kowalski: I'm not sure, Skipper. It could be anything.
- Skipper: Oh really? Could it be Alaska?
- Kowalski: Nooo... Its probably not A...
- Skipper: Are you saying that Alaska might be stuck upside down to the clock tower of my zoo?
- Kowalski: I guess...
- Skipper: Because I think people would notice if the entire state of Alaska just packed up and moved to the zoo.
- Kowalski: Alright! Maybe it couldn't be anything!
- Rico: Wuuh.
- Skipper: I'm sorry, boys. I sometimes resort to sarcasm when facing the unknown.
- Kowalski: No duh.
- Skipper: Stop! Stop!
- Private: The zombie can speak!
- Skipper: I'm... not a zombie.
- Kowalski: But the infection. We heard the doctor say...
- Skipper: Who are you gonna believe, some two-bit medicine man, or your own commanding officer?
- Private: Can it really be true?
- Kowalski: But how can we know for sure?
- [Rico holds up chainsaw]
- Private: Oh, Rico. Chainsaw's your answer to everything.
- Skipper: Men, amigos, my brothers in black and white. Look at me! All I've got is a broken wing, and I'm pretty sure that's not contagious.
- Private: Then why were you chasing us?
- Skipper: Because it itches like sandpaper underpants. Rico, scratch maneuvers, double time.
- [Rico looks at Kowalski and Private, who nod. He approaches Skipper]
- Private: Now, Rico!
- [the others tackle Skipper]
- Kowalski: Nice try, zombie!
- [They fall off the roof; cut to them in the vet's office]
- Skipper: Okay, I stand corrected on the contagiousness of broken wings, but I did tell you I wasn't a zombie.
- [the penguins are fishing for condiments from a hot dog cart]
- Kowalski: Onions, Skipper?
- Skipper: No, thanks. I'm after the big catch: the elusive Polish sauerkraut.
- [Others gasp]
- Skipper: Hello, sauerkraut!
- [the hot dog vendor closes the door on Skipper's line]
- Skipper: Whoa, big fella!
- [Skipper falls as the cart moves and pulls him out of the tree]
- Skipper: You win this round, sauerkraut!
- Private: It's Skipper! Skipper?
- Kowalski: That's not Skipper, at least not anymore. You heard the doctor. That infection did things to his brain. Horrible things!
- Private: What kind of horrible things?
- Kowalski: From the looks of it, I'd say horrible zombie things.
- Private: Is he dangerous?
- Kowalski: Oh, you bet your succulent cerebral cortex he is. Just try to avoid eye contact, wear something to protect the brain area, and move slowly towards the...
- [Skipper lunges forward]
- Kowalski: Ah! It's trying to devour us all!
- Private: Run!
- Kowalski: No mercy this time, guys. Rico, see if you can shut off your conscience and sense of common decency.
- [Rico grabs a chainsaw and laughs maniacally]
- Hornet #1: Hey! Who pokes things? You like poke, ve poke, okay? I sting your face!
- Kowalski: It's a hornet's nest, Skipper.
- Hornet #1: Ooh, look who vin prize! You know vat prize is? I sting your face!
- Skipper: Easy, stingtail. We don't want any trouble. We're just questioning your choice of nest location.
- Hornet #1: I have question for you. Knock knock.
- Skipper: Who's there?
- Hornet #1: I sting your face!
- Skipper: This does not wash! We're penguins, they're insects. We've got the size advantage.
- Private: But Skipper, they've got the owie advantage.
- Rico: Owie!
- Private: We can't take out their nest without entering a world of pain.
- Skipper: Kowalski, were are we on eliminating pain?
- Kowalski: Way ahead of you, Skipper. I have been perfecting a pain elimination helmet.
- [Puts on helmet and taps it to activate it]
- Kowalski: As you will see, the nerve inhibiting matrix will provide 100% protection from any kind of...
- [Lets a cinder block fall on his flipper]
- Kowalski: Aah! It's not perfected! Oh, it hurts! It hurts so bad!
- Private: Is he gone?
- Kowalski: No sign of him - Aaah!
- Private: What was that for?
- Kowalski: I just assumed he was going to pop out of no- Look behind you!
- Private, Rico: Aaaah!
- Kowalski: And once again I appear to be mistaken. Hmm. Guess it just goes to show you can never tell...
- [Suddenly Skipper pops up beneath them, and they all run away screaming]
- Kowalski: Okay, let's get stupid!
- [Turns on degausser on Private; he falls unconscious]
- Kowalski: Private? Are you all right?
- Skipper: Rico, my medical supplies.
- [Rico coughs up two rubber gloves; Skipper slaps Private with them until he's conscious]
- Private: Ooh, is that a cotton candy machine? I like cotton candy.
- [Goes to machine and gets shocked]
- Kowalski: Eureka! Stupid mission accomplished!
- Skipper: All we need to do now is to point him towards the hornet's nest and...
- Private: Oh, pretty shiny light machine.
- Kowalski: No, not the degausser!
- Private: [Turns on degausser and waves it over his head] I'm a disco penguin.
- Kowalski: Be careful!
- [the degausser drains all of their thoughts; they fall unconscious]
- Private: Hello?
- Kowalski, Skipper: I like degaussing!
- [Rico laughs stupidly]
- Kowalski, Skipper, Private, Rico: Yay!
- Mort: You want me to talk to the bees?
- Skipper: Hornets, and talking ain't gonna cut it. We need you to do something more decisive.
- Mort: Kisses and huggies?
- Kowalski: We... need you... to go up there... and remove... the hornet's... nest!
- Mort: Then can I play in the bee's house?
- Skipper, Kowalski, Rico, Private: Hornets!
- Private: Skipper's... gone? It-it-it can't be! What'll we do?
- Kowalski: We'll honor him the way he wanted. By soldiering on like men.
- [He salutes solemnly. Jump cut to the three of them standing in their headquarters, sobbing loudly. Kowalski and Private cling to each other and Rico regurgitates a picture of Skipper]
- Rico: Why? Why? Whyyyyyy?