- Derek Johnson: It's obvious that college hasn't prepared you for the pleasures of performing a class-one download in the great outdoors. Observe. Step one: dig a hole. Step two: squat and release. And take your time, no need to blow a gasket. Step three: which is my personal favorite, wipe your ass with this here Army issued toilet paper. Sometimes called Alpha Whiskey, or John Wayne. Step four: return to base with a smile on your face.
- [hands her the shovel]
- [first lines]
- Craig Carlson: What are you doing?
- Tracy Bernstein: Nothing. Nothing.
- Craig Carlson: Is this what guys do when they get together? Ignore each other?
- Craig Carlson: [as clone] They say you don't know a man until you've walked a mile in his underwear.
- Craig Carlson: [reading from scientist's notes] The root of all problems is insecurity. Man's quest to prove himself worthy, no matter the cost.
- Derek Johnson: Open the door you piece of shit. Which is your real name.
- Craig Carlson: [as clone] Derek, you came back. That was... stupid. But then again I forgot, you're the stupid one.
- Craig Carlson: [as clone] You've changed. Your stance, your confidence. You're almost as good as me.
- Craig Carlson: I don't want to be like you.
- Craig Carlson: [as clone] Then you don't want to live.
- Derek Johnson: There's an expression, and you should learn it: "And the *meek* shall inherit the earth."
- [last lines]
- Craig Carlson: [answering the phone] Hello? Hello? Hello?
- Tracy Bernstein: Craig. It's me, Tracy. Please don't hand up. You have to believe me. Marco...
- Craig Carlson: [no response]
- Craig Carlson, Tracy Bernstein: Marco! Marco!
- Craig Carlson: [hangs up]
- Tracy Bernstein: [seeing their Scrabble game] Eudaemonia.
- Craig Carlson: It means well-being. As in I'm experiencing Eudaemonia because I'm winning, and because you're happy for me.
- Derek Johnson: Eudaemonia. I like it.
- Craig Carlson: No. You-daemonia.