- Jack Donaghy: I've been finger tagged, Lemon.
- Liz Lemon: Was it down by the subway entrance because I saw a gangly looking kid down there?
- Toofer: Kenneth is doing a Secret Santa fun swap thing!
- Frank Rossitano: Urgh, he takes the two worst parts of Christmas, giving and rules and combines them!
- Kenneth Parcell: [Flash back] And then the person with the highest number gives the smallest gift to the tallest person and if they want to switch they cannot unless they do then everyone puts their head down except the murderer - oh wait, that's not right.
- Frank Rossitano: The whole thing was so confusing I ended up getting my crappy gift back, like I need two copies of "Over 60 Vixens."
- Danny Baker: I'm sorry, are you being sarcastic? Canadians have a hard time recognizing it 'cause we don't have a big Jewish population.
- Tracy Jordan: Why don't Catholics eat meat on Fridays? I'll tell you why: because the Pope owns Long John Silver's.
- Jenna Maroney: Sometimes, my mom would take us to see Santa Claus, but that's just because she suspected one of them was my deadbeat dad. So, I'd have to get on every Santa's lap in the Bakersfield area and scream, 'You oughta be ashamed of yourself, Travis!'
- Liz Lemon: Nope, do not put a hyphen in YouFace. There are definitely faces here, but they are not being treated with respect.