The Penguins of Madagascar (TV Series)

Miss Understanding/Over Phil (2009)

Jeff Bennett: Kowalski

Quotes 

• Skipper : Wrong. Wrong! Double wrong! Wrong infinity! There's no way I'm a female!

  Kowalski : All right, what you are experiencing are the five stages of grief. Right now you're at stage one, denial.

  Skipper : I am not! All I'm saying is, your stupid machine is wrong!

  Kowalski : Well, it's based on scientific...

  Skipper : Then science is wrong! And you're wrong! Everybody's wrong but me! I demand a different test!

• Skipper : [the penguins are in their car]  What's the hold up?

  Kowalski : [looking at the zoo map]  Hang in there, Skipper. I-I'm sure the zoo must have a ladies room somewhere. I just never really paid attention before.

  Skipper : You know, we could just stop and ask for directions.

  [the car stops] 

  Skipper : What is happening to me? Curse you, DNA!

• Kowalski : Aha, just as I suspected! The DNA analyzer was the power hog. Gah! I knew I shouldn't have included the optional beak shiner.

• Private : Let's try a little role playing. Pretend I'm Phil.

  Mason : A bit of a reach, but very well.

  Private : Now pretend I just made a mess.

  Mason : Oh, Phil, another mess, which I have to clean up.

  King Julien : No, no! That is all wrong!

  [Jumps around like a monkey] 

  King Julien : Ooh, ooh! I sure do like a tire swing! Ooh!

  Skipper : It's uncanny.

  Kowalski : I know.

  Private : Now do me!

  King Julien : Okay

  [Jumps like monkey again] 

  King Julien : Ooh, ooh! I sure do like stinky fish! Ooh!

• [Skipper is blindfolded and holding a pin] 

  Kowalski : Take your time, Skipper. There is no right or wrong answer.

  [Skipper puts a pin on the picture in front of him and takes off the blind fold; the picture has a monster truck on one side, and a pink pony on the other; the pin is on the pony] 

  Kowalski : Madam?

  Skipper : Lies!

  [attacks the picture] 

  Kowalski : I see we're in stage two, anger. Next, we should see bargaining.

  Skipper : Hey, Private. How's about we trade DNA results? Come on.

  Private : Skipper, I don't think that's how it...

  Kowalski : Depression...

  Skipper : [rolling on the floor, crying]  My life is over! It's over! It's over, over, over!

  Kowalski : And finally, acceptance.

  Skipper : Well, I guess you got to play the hand you're dealt. Rico, hit me with a pretty pink bow.

• Private : I think a wonderful way to begin would be to say something positive about Phil.

  Mason : Very well. I am positive that Phil is disgusting and inconsiderate.

  [Phil signs] 

  Skipper : What did he say?

  Kowalski : No idea.

  Mason : Go pound bananas?

  Rico : Ooooh!

  Kowalski : Tell it like it is, primate!

  Skipper : You go!

• Kowalski : But how could Alice be so wrong about there being a girl penguin?

  Skipper : Ah, she's a mammal. Everyone knows they're all morons.

  Marlene : What?

  Private : [Holds Marlene back]  We'll work on that one later.

• Skipper : What kind of sick mind would leave messes over and over?

  Kowalski : I've worked out a profile of our perp.

  [Shows outline drawing of chimp] 

  Skipper : I know that face.

  Mason : [steps in front of profile]  Good evening. Oh, another mess! Here, let me clean it!

  Skipper : Stand back. This is a crime scene.

  Mason : It's no trouble, really.

  Kowalski : Somewhere in this mess, the perpetrator left a calling card. He might as well have signed his name.