Community (TV Series)
Interpretive Dance (2010)
Lauren Stamile: Professor Michelle Slater
Photos
Quotes
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Professor Michelle Slater : I didn't want or need anything more than what we were doing.
Jeff Winger : Great. Let's get back to it.
Professor Michelle Slater : Oh, but I can't, because you went to the friend zone. That's you getting official, not me. Because unless there's something I need to know about the lunch lady or the blonde in your study group with the infinite supply of leather jackets, somewhere between our 8th and 11th time having sex, most people, statistically speaking, would say we're more than just pals.
Jeff Winger : Yes, but once you say it, things can get messy and complicated.
Professor Michelle Slater : How?
Jeff Winger : Because once you say it, later you might have to unsay it.
Professor Michelle Slater : Whoopdie-freakin'-ding, Winger. It happens 5 million times a day. It's the Jim Belushi of sexual commitments. It barely means anything and it grows on what's there over time.
Jeff Winger : Boy, this guy's really taking a pounding in this conversation.
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Abed Nadir : This is like being told you're our new mother.
Professor Michelle Slater : But you know it's nothing like that?
Abed Nadir : Do you cook macaroni?
Professor Michelle Slater : I have.
Abed Nadir : Macaroni's my favorite.
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Dean Pelton : You know, we laugh, but the fact is, student-teacher relationships do happen. And they are a magnet for lawsuits, so we do stay vigilant. In fact, physically attractive students and faculty are actually placed on a watch list. And are ranked by their potential to incite fraternization.
Jeff Winger : You rank people by how hot they are?
Jeff Winger : Yes, we do... number two.
Professor Michelle Slater : Dean Pelton?
Dean Pelton : Yes, Professor Seven... uh, Professor Slater?
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Jeff Winger : Professor Slater, quick question.
Professor Michelle Slater : You know the answer, Mr. Winger. I don't date students, even if you are no longer in my statistics class.
Jeff Winger : I'm actually kind of seeing someone right now, thank you very much.
Professor Michelle Slater : Really? How's that going?
Jeff Winger : Fine for now. She's smart and pretty. But sometimes I feel like she's just waiting for me to stop talking and take off my pants.
Professor Michelle Slater : [Door slams shut] She is.
Jeff Winger : I've never been someone's dirty little secret.
Professor Michelle Slater : I've never had a dirty little secret. It's so unprofessional. But the sneaking does make the sex 38% hotter.
Jeff Winger : Wow, you do like statistics, don't you?
[Knock at the door]
Jeff Winger : [Jeff and Michelle break their embrace, separate, Dean Pelton barges in] Hey, midterms and whatever.
Professor Michelle Slater : Chalk.
Dean Pelton : Professor Slater, there's that transcript you wanted. Jeff, I didn't expect to see you here
[lasciviously]
Dean Pelton : Hopefully, I'm not... interrupting.
[uncomfortable laugher]
Dean Pelton : You know, we laugh... but, the fact is, student/teacher relationships do happen, and they are a magnet for lawsuits. So we do stay vigilant. In fact, physically attractive students and faculty are actually placed on a watch list and are ranked by their potential to incite fraternization.
Jeff Winger : You rank people by how hot they are?
Dean Pelton : [lasciviously] You got it... number two.
Professor Michelle Slater : Dean Pelton.
Dean Pelton : Yes, Professor Seven... Uh, Slater.
Professor Michelle Slater : I'll return this tomorrow.
Dean Pelton : Okay, then. You guys be extra careful now. Two people of your rankings in this small a room... with this type of lighting and his upper body and what her heels and hemline are doing to enhance what were already quite a few favors from God... it's all the more important to keep it tasteful.
[laughs, Jeff and Michelle display looks of disgust]
Professor Michelle Slater : [Door closes, Jeff and Michelle embrace] I think he might have ruined...
Jeff Winger : It's dead.
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Professor Michelle Slater : Mr. Winger. Would you come to my office? We never finished our intercourse.
Jeff Winger : I have study group right now, and nobody uses intercourse to mean anything other than sex.
[Michelle chuckles lewdly]
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Dean Pelton : Would you describe yourself as boyfriend and girlfriend?
Professor Michelle Slater : Yes.
Jeff Winger : Eh...
Professor Michelle Slater : What?
Dean Pelton : Oh, boy.
Jeff Winger : It's semantics, really, isn't it?
Professor Michelle Slater : [laughs] We've slept together every night for the last three weeks. How would you describe me?
Jeff Winger : [emphatically] The best friend ever!
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Jeff Winger : You all remember Michelle Slater, my professor from last semester? As most of you may realize by now, she's the woman I've been seeing lately.
Professor Michelle Slater : Why are they looking at me like I'm a zoo animal?
Abed Nadir : Well, Jeff acts as sort of the dad of the group, so emotionally this is kind of like being told that you're our new mom.
Professor Michelle Slater : But you know it's nothing like that, right?
Abed Nadir : Absolutely. Do you cook macaroni?
Professor Michelle Slater : I have.
Abed Nadir : Macaroni's my favorite.
Jeff Winger : The important thing is we all understand Professor Slater and I need this to be our little secret. Everyone understand that?
Abed Nadir , Britta Perry , Annie Edison , Shirley Bennett , Troy Barnes , Pierce Hawthorne : Yeah. Yes. I do like macaroni.
[overlapping agreement]
Abed Nadir , Britta Perry , Annie Edison , Shirley Bennett , Troy Barnes , Pierce Hawthorne : Sure.
[overlapping chatter]
Jeff Winger : See? All good.
Professor Michelle Slater : Well, thank you, everyone. I appreciate it. I should get going.
[Michelle leans in to give Jeff a kiss]
Abed Nadir , Britta Perry , Annie Edison , Shirley Bennett , Troy Barnes , Pierce Hawthorne : Ooh! Ooh...
[Michelle stops, she and Jeff turn to look incredulously at the group, Michelle offers to shake Jeff's hand]
Professor Michelle Slater : Bye.
Abed Nadir : Bye.
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Professor Michelle Slater : ...or that blonde in your Spanish class with the infinite supply of leather jackets...