- Host: The filmmakers would like to point out that it is illegal to sell cigarettes or alcohol to minors. Porn, however, is available to anyone who lies about their age on-line.
- [last lines]
- Host: Hmm, nothing like a happy ending to make you feel warm all over. Thanks for heading *deep* into the valley with me. I had a *swell* time, and I hope you did too. Hey! Eyes up here!
- [points to her own eyes]
- Host: At least for the last few seconds I'm on screen. On behalf of writer/director Christian Forte, the producers, cast, crew, and the towns of Chatsworth and Van Nuys, "Please, come again!"
- [first lines]
- Host: Hi, fellow cinephiles. My name is Professor Misty Rain, film historian, actress, and former Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader. I'm here to help you take a long, hard look at the making of "Deep in the Valley". We'll be spending the next ninety minutes together, so I suggest *you* get comfortable. I think I might do the same.
- [removes clip from hair allowing it to fall around her shoulders]
- Host: It gets so hot
- [unbuttoning three buttons on her blouse]
- Host: so fast in here with all these lights. That's better. Now, let's get on with the commentary.