The Simpsons (TV Series)

The Real Housewives of Fat Tony (2011)

Julie Kavner: Marge Simpson, Selma Bouvier, Patty Bouvier

Photos 

Quotes 

• Selma Bouvier : Marge, if I ever get proposed again, please gouge my eyes out.

  Louie : We can teach you how to do it too. The secret is not to stop until you hear a pop.

• Fat Tony : I like you. I don't know whether to smack you on your kisser or kiss you on your smacker.

  Selma Bouvier : And I don't know whether to peck you on your kicker or kick you on your...

• [at Selma and Tony's wedding] 

  Homer Simpson : Yes! I am so happy I lived to see this day. He did give her the kiss of death, right?

  Marge Simpson : No!

  Homer Simpson : [disappointed groan]  Aww! I decorated her car for nothing.

  [cut to a car outside with banners reading "JUST MURDERED"] 

• Homer Simpson : Well, if it isn't Before and After. Blob and blob lite. Tweedle-Yuck and Tweedle-Blech.

  Fat Tony : Ahem. I hope I'm not interrupting.

  Homer Simpson : [scared]  Um, Fat Tony. I was just complimenting your beautiful girlfriend while insulting her hideous twin.

  Marge Simpson : I'm sorry, Fat Tony. My husband doesn't realize what he's saying, then five seconds later...

  Homer Simpson : [scared]  Oh, my God!

  Fat Tony : All will be forgiven. If you sketch a portrait of Patty showing her inner beauty.

  Homer Simpson : You are cruel but fair.

• Tooshie : You two look so pale. But don't worry. Every light here is a tanning light.

  Marge Simpson : Can you read by them?

  Tooshie : You know, no one's ever tried.

• Comic Book Guy : And how do you know the bride?

  Marge Simpson : I'm her sister! And you?

  Comic Book Guy : I bought her pool table on Craig's List. Consider yourself slighted.

• Plastic Surgeon : Tony, the surgery was a complete success, so can I take your cousin, the "anesthesiologist," off the payroll?

  Fat Tony : You certainly may. Now where is my Selma?

  Selma Bouvier : Here's the part that's not in the trash. Mm-hmm.

  Fat Tony : Ooh, boys, I'd like a little privacy with Selma. Why don't you take the doctor out back?

  Louie : Should we take care of him or "take care of him"?

  Fat Tony : Take... care of him.

  Louie : I don't know what that meant. Was it the first one or the second one? I can't ask him, otherwise he's gonna "take care of me."

• Selma Bouvier : So, you're here for an eye test? Read this.

  [she puts a "closed" sign on the counter] 

  Fat Tony : [opening it back up]  Process my form.

  Selma Bouvier : [grumbling]  I'm afraid this is the wrong form. The one you want is on that table.

  Fat Tony : And if I retrieve that form, will I be able to maintain my advantageous position in line?

  Selma Bouvier : Try it and see.

  [he turns around to leave] 

  Selma Bouvier : Nope.

• Selma Bouvier : Which of you losers is next in line?

  Fat Tony : [reading her nametag]  Hello, "Selma". I'd like to submit a change of address.

  Selma Bouvier : Leaving Mockingbird Lane, Mr. Munster?

• Marge Simpson : Selma, I just can't get over the new you.

  Selma Bouvier : The world's a different place when you've got a waist. The clerk in the electronics store asked me if I needed help.

  Patty Bouvier : [impressed]  Ooh.

• Selma Bouvier : [kidnapped by Fat Tony]  The view was better inside the sack.

  Fat Tony : You are one tough cookie. I'll tell you what, I'll let you pick which body part I cut off first.

  Selma Bouvier : Fine. I choose my love handles.

  Fat Tony : What?

  Selma Bouvier : Then my arm wattles, my cankles, and finish off with my excess back fat.

  Fat Tony : You do not register the level of fear, say, Louie here would.

  Louie : Yeah, show some respect for the process.

• Fat Tony : Selma, will you share my life with me?

  Selma Bouvier : Oh, Tony, if there were an Italian word for yes, I'd be saying it right now.

• Homer Simpson : Cant we stay a little longer? The Occurrence and I were going to go get broiled.

  Marge Simpson : Sorry, The Occurrence, but to use your lingo, I have to be "that guy".

  The Occurence : Whoa, whoa! You don't want to be "that guy"!

  Homer Simpson : I don't want to be that guy, but she's making me be "that guy".

  Marge Simpson : Enough!

• Selma Bouvier : [taking off her bikini top in the hot tub]  Ah. The boys needed to breath.

  Homer Simpson : Wouldn't they be girls?

  Selma Bouvier : Mine are boys.