- Homer Simpson: Oh Lisa, I'm sorry. I tried my best. I know it's really hard when you discover your dad isn't perfect.
- Bart Simpson: Not perfect? You can say that again.
- Homer Simpson: I'm trying to be a sensitive father, you unwanted moron!
- Homer Simpson: Lisa, you take the car.
- Lisa Simpson: But I can't drive.
- Homer Simpson: Haven't you learned anything from watching Bart drive?
- Lisa Simpson: A little.
- Lisa Simpson: We're going to check out the storm damage!
- Homer Simpson: Be careful! If you see a downed power line, do whatever it is people are supposed to do in that situation.
- Lisa Simpson: Dad, the sharks must think you're a baby whale!
- Homer Simpson: Ooh, a baby whale. My diet is working.
- Lisa Simpson: Do you think they'll be all okay?
- Homer Simpson: Absolutely. He's young, he's got a couple of cute kids, soon he'll hook up with a beautiful octopus. They'll have to sell the old place, too many memories, but if I'm not mistaken, there might be a little whalepus on the way.
- Marge Simpson: We lost our wedding china.
- Homer Simpson: Now we'll have to eat Thanksgiving dinner on regular plates like animals.
- Kearney: Hey, Milhouse. Want to learn more about "whaling"?
- Milhouse Van Houten: Sure.
- [Kearney grabs him and punches him in the stomach]
- Kearney: Want me to "knock it off"?
- Milhouse Van Houten: I'm afraid to answer that.
- Kearney: Never tell a bully you're afraid.
- [Hits Milhouse on the head]
- Bart Simpson: This is going to be the biggest dead thing we've ever poked with a stick.
- Milhouse Van Houten: If only that flattened squirrel could see us now.
- Lisa Simpson: [Homer is using fans connected to Flanders' house to power the turbine] Dad, it sort of defeats the whole purpose of using wind power if you power the windmill with electricity from Flanders.
- Ned Flanders: Homer, this meeting of your "fan" club is adjourned.
- Homer Simpson: But we haven't heard the minutes of our last meeting.
- [Flanders disconnects fans]
- Homer Simpson: You used to be nicer!
- Comic Book Guy: [Wearing a whalebone girdle] Behold, I am Captain Kirk from Star Trek One.
- [Girdle gives way]
- Comic Book Guy: Two.
- [Girdle gives way more]
- Comic Book Guy: FIve.
- [Girdle gives way more]
- Comic Book Guy: Generations.
- [Girdle breaks entirely]
- Comic Book Guy: Boston Legal.
- Lisa Simpson: Those babies are doomed, just like their mom. I guess it's just nature's way.
- Homer Simpson: Nature is just a toothless, dying old hag! Let's go save those baby whales!
- Lisa Simpson: Dad, I found what you were looking for.
- Homer Simpson: A churro you can eat in the shower?
- Snake Jailbird: [Seeing the Simpsons house lit up while they're away] Do they think I'm stupid? I am so going to enjoy pooping on their carpet.