- Roger: [about his exam] Why is this wrong? Next to "Miranda rights" I put, "Miranda has the right to a decent man who will help her raise her baby." Are these questions not about Sex and the City?
- Klaus: You know what? I'm not gonna push the conversation. I'm just gonna chalk this up as a "W."
- Stan Smith: Shut up, Klaus!
- Klaus: And I broke even.
- Francine Smith: Quiet, Klaus!
- Klaus: And I blew it.
- Stan Smith: [Stan is mingling] Best looking guy in the group
- [a better looking guy enters]
- Stan Smith: uh no this guy is, why don't you go find another group handsome
- Stan Smith: [on the phone to Director Bullock] I have something you're gonna wanna see, no it's not nude photos of Talia Shire, I'm not asking you to guess, no I'm not getting you a belt, you can wait, sir stop it
- Hayley Smith: Listen, Reginald, I never had a chance to say I'm sorry for trying to kiss you the other night. I was drunk and stupid. It'll never happen again.
- Reginald: Girl, don't even sweat it. That was the liquor talking and liquor loves talking to my cute ass.
- Roger: Steve, you have to help me. I can't stop thinking about what happened. Francine got mugged and I just sat there. I was useless and pathetic and weak. How do you live with yourself when you feel that way?
- Steve Smith: I guess most people just...
- Roger: No, I'm talking about you specifically. How do you, Steve, live with yourself?
- Steve Smith: Charming. This side of you is charming.
- Steve Smith: You joined the police academy, Roger? Sounds pretty bad-ass.
- Francine Smith: Steve, language!
- Roger: Shut the fuck up, Frannie. The boy's expressing himself.
- Roger: I'm tired of being weak! Help me!
- Stan Smith: I've been waiting to hear those words for a long time. I just prayed they would come from my son and not an alien in a sports bra.
- Roger: It's a support tank. It's too small. It rode up my belly.
- Roger: Chaz, can you take me home? My tummy doesn't feel so good. I should have just had sex with that mayonnaise.