- Steve Smith: [to Stan] You can still be a good dad if you get me some more nachos, fat ass. And don't skimp on the chili peppers! I want my farts to hurt!
- Stan Smith: Steve, your mother will be raising you which unfortunately means that your life will suck worse than Nicolas Cage in "Ghost Rider."
- Steve Smith: I'm tired of you bossing me around, Dad. All the running, all the all the studying, all the planning for your Christian camp. I know you want to break ground in 2012, but it's not going to happen! We can't get the permits!
- Francine Smith: Steven Smith, I am your mother! If you don't get out of that cage, I will push you back up my clownhole and birth you again and name you my bitch.
- [uncensored version]
- Steve Smith: [while drinking wine for breakfast] I think I'll take up swearing.
- [pauses]
- Steve Smith: Shitballs!