Community (TV Series)
Mixology Certification (2010)
Donald Glover: Troy Barnes
Photos
Quotes
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Pierce Hawthorne , Shirley Bennett , Abed Nadir , Britta Perry , Jeff Winger , Annie Edison : [cold opening] ... to you!
Pierce Hawthorne : That was weird. How come we only sang the last two words? What happened to the "happy birthday" part?
Shirley Bennett : Well, you know Troy's a Jehovah's Witness. He doesn't celebrate birthdays.
Abed Nadir : Annie and I did our best to keep the language on the cake compliant.
Troy Barnes : [reading the cake] "Hello during a random dessert, the month and day of which coincide numerically from your expulsion from a uterus."
[inhales, weepy voice cracks]
Troy Barnes : You guys. I never cry, but...
Britta Perry : All right. Happy expulsion, Troy. But after cake, we cram for realsies. Guys, finals are coming up.
Jeff Winger : Yeah. This group is starting to use special occasions to avoid studying.
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Troy Barnes : I was born in '89.
Jeff Winger : Then you were born 21 years ago.
Troy Barnes : Which would make me 20 because everyone is 10 for two years. Because fifth grade is really hard for everyone.
[Realizes what he's saying]
Troy Barnes : Mom, how many lies have I been living?
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Jeff Winger : [about throwing Troy a party at a bar for his 21st birthday] Think of it as Troy taking his first bath, only the bubbles are his manhood.
Troy Barnes : Yes. I wanna bathe in manhood.
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Annie Edison : Troy's birthday is tomorrow, December 4th. Also born that day, Tyra Banks, Marisa Tomei and French cinematographer Claude Renoir.
Troy Barnes : Yes, jackpot.
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Jeff Winger : With an aged Scotch, never use ice.
Troy Barnes : Never use ice, got it. Why?
Jeff Winger : Destroys it. At most, what you want, two drops of spring water. Activates the flavor.
Britta Perry : Good Lord. Do they have the rules to high maintenance poser drinking on the wall at L Street?
Troy Barnes : Do they?
Jeff Winger : Poser drinking?
[Britta smiles flirtatiously]
Jeff Winger : Hey, Ms. Vodka-Neat-Four-Olives. What's that called? The too-cool-to-care-tini?
Troy Barnes : Is it?
[Britta mouths "no"]
Jeff Winger : The forced starkness of that drink order turns horn-rimmed heads at the Red Door.
Troy Barnes : I can't wait to understand these arguments!
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Jeff Winger : Troy. I think I owe you a birthday.
Troy Barnes : I'm cool. I actually always wanted to drive this thing.
Jeff Winger : What? Oh, is this my car? Don't crash it.
Troy Barnes : I'm not gonna crash it.
Britta Perry : Crash it, Troy.
Jeff Winger : Go to sleep, Britta, go to sleep.
Britta Perry : Crash his car, Troy.
Abed Nadir : This seems like a dark chapter in our story.
Britta Perry : Go to sleep, Abed.
Abed Nadir : Cool.
Britta Perry : Hey, that's the place that we should've gone to tonight.
Jeff Winger : Yeah, L Street, exactly.
Britta Perry : That's the Red Door, stupid. Do you see a sign that says L Street?
Jeff Winger : L Street is too cool to have a sign. It's called L Street after the street it's on.
Britta Perry : The Red Door is on L Street.
Jeff Winger : L Street has a red...
[Jeff and Britta laugh]
Jeff Winger : [Troy locks the brakes, tires screech] Hey.
Troy Barnes : It's the same bar? You two have been saying one bar's lame and the other one is awesome all night, and it's the same bar? i
Britta Perry : Well, he probably goes there on Friday nights, which is lame.
Jeff Winger : You wish...
Troy Barnes : Stop, just stop. I just spent the last two years thinking that you guys knew more than me about life, and I just found out that you guys are just as dumb as me.
Britta Perry : Duh-doy.
Jeff Winger : Yeah. Duh-doy.
Troy Barnes : Got it. Duh-doy.
[chuckles]
Troy Barnes : Duh-doy.
[Troy puts car in gear and drives]
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Britta Perry : I gotta go see a woman about the female equivalent of a horse.
Jeff Winger : Classy. Way to show Troy the ropes.
Britta Perry : Shut up, L Street.
Jeff Winger : That woman is a hurricane.
Troy Barnes : Yeah.
Jeff Winger : Hurricanes are bad, Troy.
Troy Barnes : I know.
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Britta Perry : No, wait, wait, wait. What are we doing?
Jeff Winger : Yeah, what are we doing?
Britta Perry : This is a bad idea, right?
Jeff Winger : Yeah.
Troy Barnes : [Troy gets in the car] Okay. I flew off the handle earlier. I apologize.
Abed Nadir : They were making out.
Britta Perry : Abed.
Jeff Winger : Why the hell would you say that?
Abed Nadir : Why would you do it in front of me? I'm not a coat rack.
Troy Barnes : Abed, no one likes a tattletale.
Britta Perry : Happy birthday, Troy.
Troy Barnes : Thanks.
Jeff Winger : You're a man now.
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Troy Barnes : These pictures must be of all the regulars. You think someday I can make it up to this wall?
Jeff Winger : I don't say this often, Troy, but... dream a little smaller.
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Pierce Hawthorne : Funny, because last week was my birthday and nobody noticed and nobody cared.
[Shirley looks away]
Jeff Winger : [Abed, Annie and Britta look to Jeff] Pierce... you don't remember the huge party we threw? We need to talk about those painkillers you're taking because I don't think you remember anything...
[overlapping comments]
Britta Perry : That was a huge party, you were like...
[overlapping comments]
Annie Edison : The best party of my life
[overlapping comments]
Abed Nadir : Nutritious
[overlapping comments]
Pierce Hawthorne : Got you!
[chuckles]
Pierce Hawthorne : Of course I remember my birthday. What a party.
Troy Barnes : Yeah, you still owe me for the keg deposit.
[chuckles]
Pierce Hawthorne : Oh, you think I don't know that?
Britta Perry : [through clenched teeth, shakes her head] Troy...
[Troy nods his head in acknowledgement]
Jeff Winger : Troy.
[Jeff smiles and gives thumbs up]
Jeff Winger : [Troy reciprocates]