Community (TV Series)
Abed's Uncontrollable Christmas (2010)
Danny Pudi: Abed Nadir
Photos
Quotes
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Abed Nadir : We're in the carol canyon. The plants here give off Christmas carols instead of oxygen.
Pierce Hawthorne : Will walking through here be expensive?
Abed Nadir : No, it's all public domain.
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Abed Nadir : [opens present] It's the first season of Lost on DVD.
Pierce Hawthorne : That's the meaning of Christmas?
Abed Nadir : It's a metaphor. It represents lack of payoff.
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Abed Nadir : The meaning of Christmas is that we give it meaning. To me, it used to mean being with my mom. Now, I guess it means being with you guys. Thanks, Lost.
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Professor Ian Duncan : Now, how many fingers am I holding up? And, more importantly, are they still made of clay?
Abed Nadir : Three, and I told you, we're not clay. We're silicone dolls with foam bodies over ball-and-socket armatures.
Professor Ian Duncan : Fascinating. And publishable. And you say you have no memory of this morning. You don't recall the emotional crisis that caused you to take shelter in this delusion.
Abed Nadir : It's not a delusion.
Professor Ian Duncan : Very, very publishable. Abed, I've been a professor of psychology here at Greendale for many years. And I think I see a solution to this that might also help you with your situation. I'd like to do extensive sessions with you, including hypnosis.
Abed Nadir : I don't need therapy.
Professor Ian Duncan : Nobody said you did. I just think it would benefit you and, incidentally, me to get to the real meaning of all this.
Abed Nadir : You're right. That's it. I need to find the meaning of Christmas.
Professor Ian Duncan : Ah. Well...
Abed Nadir : If I can find the meaning of Christmas, everything will go back to normal.
Jeff Winger : ...asterisk.
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Abed Nadir : My snowman talks?
Señor Chang : I'm not a snowman, I'm Chang!
Abed Nadir : But I made you.
Señor Chang : Yeah, you make me cry in the shower tonight.
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Abed Nadir : So, what are we doing this year?
Annie Edison : Well, I'm taking a relaxation course next semester and I was gonna use the break to do all the reading in advance.
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Jeff Winger : That's... wonderful. Let's get back to the magic journey and wrap up. Some of us have women to sleep with.
Abed Nadir : You guys hear that? Humbugs.
Troy Barnes : Humbugs?
Abed Nadir : Yeah, a whole swarm of them. See?
[Abed points in the direction of the squealing humbugs]
Abed Nadir : Everyone stay perfectly sincere. Humbugs are attracted to sarcasm.
Jeff Winger : Wow. Somewhere out there, Tim Burton just got a boner.
Annie Edison : Jeff, don't be sarcastic.
Jeff Winger : Oh, are they on me now? Oh, no.
Troy Barnes : They're eating him alive.
Britta Perry : If only he could find the power to not be a smug douche.
Jeff Winger : Oh, no can do. I'm just a horrible guy. Guess I'll have to go get laid.
Annie Edison : Ooh. Can I sing this one?
[clears her throat]
Annie Edison : Bitter shallow hipster / Sweater matching socks / Christmas needs more presence / than a haircut / in a box
Troy Barnes : Annie, nice.
Annie Edison : Get what I did with the word "presence?"
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Abed Nadir : Let's move, folks. This isn't going to be fun, easy or safe.
Professor Ian Duncan : Shut up, Winger.
Jeff Winger : Mm-hm.
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Abed Nadir : You guys really don't see what I'm seeing? That worries me a little.
Britta Perry : I think it worries all of us. Is there something that we can do to help you with your situation, Abed?
Abed Nadir : For starters you could move around more. Not much point in being animated if you don't. And I think we should commit to the format. Starting with a song.
[all turn and look to Jeff]
Jeff Winger : You start. I'm sure we'll join in.
Abed Nadir : Give me the snow / Light up the trees / Deck every hall / And wall you can see / Roast every nut / Mistle the toe / This needs to be the best Christmas since the original / Twenty thousand years from now they'll say / The most successful Christmas was today
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Abed Nadir : Merry Christmas, everybody.
Shirley Bennett : Don't you mean season's greetings?
Abed Nadir : Come on, Shirley, you know it's Christmas.
Shirley Bennett : Yes, but as a modern Christian, I've learned to be sensitive to other cultures' jealousies.
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Abed Nadir : Hm. This is disappointing.
Pierce Hawthorne : What do you care about Christmas, Abed? You're Muslim. Don't your people spend this season writing angry letters to TV Guide?
Abed Nadir : It's true. Religiously, I'm Muslim. But I've always been a fan of Christmas. And this is the most important Christmas in the history of the universe. I'm assuming that's why we're all stop-motion animated.
Jeff Winger : I vote we let it go.