Nostalgia Critic (TV Series)

The Next Karate Kid (2009)

Doug Walker: Nostalgia Critic

Quotes 

• Louisa : Susan!

  Julie : My name is Julie! My mother's name was Susan. She was killed in a car accident with my father and they're both dead!

  Nostalgia Critic : And the award for worst exposition ever to be uttered in a movie is...

  [reads envelope] 

  Nostalgia Critic : The Next Karate Kid!

  [applause] 

  Nostalgia Critic : You suck!

• Nostalgia Critic : [as overweight Cop]  Don't make me run, I'm filled with pork chops and syrup!

• Nostalgia Critic : Will you stop throwing your flashlight, it's not a damn gas bomb!

• Nostalgia Critic : [as Mr. Miyagi after he catches an arrow that was shot at his chest]  I just shit myself.

• Nostalgia Critic : I'm Mr. Miyagi, Biatch!

• Julie : [to Mr. Miyagi]  Look at you, you can't even speak English!

  Nostalgia Critic : Ow! Bitch! That is Mr. Miyagi, you do not dis Mr. Miyagi! He's like Yoda, he could snap his fingers and your brain would fucking explode!

  [Julie accidentally runs in front of a car that is about to hit her] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Nail that whore!

• [last lines] 

  Nostalgia Critic : So I have to give this movie some credit, it's nice enough not to have an epilogue. It just sorta stops, like "Okay, we've tortured you long enough, you can go now." And thank God too, because it turns out The Next Karate Kid was also the last Karate Kid. They never made another movie sequel and thank heavenly Jesus, because these films simply got worse, and worse, and worse. But in all honesty, to the film's credit, it did try, online audience, it did try. I'm the Nostalgia Critic, I remember it so you don't have to.

  [gets up and leaves; comes back to the camera] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Okay, one more.

  Yoda : Do, or do not, there is no try.

  Nostalgia Critic : [laughs]  I love that Muppet. Bye!