I have a little secret. Come closer... closer... Jeez, not THAT close. Now, I'm going to tell you a secret... And I don't want it to go any further than between you, me and the millions of other people who read my reviews. Do you understand?
I enjoy watching SOME bad movies. Not the ones that bore me to tears, or the cheesy ones, the unfunny ones... you get the picture. I'm referring to the flicks that are so terrible in every single department, they exude a weird kind of fascination. Who wrote this? Who paid for this? Who agreed to it's release? AND WHERE THE HECK IS MY TUNA MAYO SANDWICH?!
*Ahem* Ssooo... this brings me neatly to The Christmas Tree, which is a TV movie that you'll in all likelihood never see, but one which fulfills all the above criteria to a tee. (HEY IT RHYMES!!!) I found out about it online where it built up a rather infamous reputation, and being the sucker I am I just had to open Pandora's Box and give it a sneak peek.
Ladies and Gentleman... It did NOT disappoint. Well, it does if you're after a heartwarming spectacle for the festive period, but I didn't go into it with that mindset, Y'see? The creepy, almost static animation. The random, nonsensical plot. The barely coherent voiceovers. The dialogue. Oh my, the dialogue. Who speaks like this? Clue: no-one.
At only 45 minutes long, it leaves a lasting impression... of the wrong kind. Wasn't there ANYONE, somewhere along the production line, who took a closer look at the steaming pile that were putting together, and realised the horror they were about to unleash? Didn't anyone attempt to stop it, and make themselves a hero in the process?
Apparently not... and thousands of families around the globe are paying the price for their inaction. Remember kids, all it takes is for one good man to do nothing, and... 1/10.