- Teddy Duncan: Hey Charlie, check this out. Here's something nobody has ever seen before. Gabe is brushing his hair.
- Gabe Duncan: Do you have to videotape everything we do? This isn't a reality show!
- Teddy Duncan: Oh, I know it's not reality because he took a shower without being asked!
- Bob Duncan: Gabe, you wearing aftershave?
- Gabe Duncan: A little.
- Bob Duncan: Why would you do that? You're not shaving yet.
- Gabe Duncan: So long as we're being logical, why do you still have a comb?
- Mrs. Estelle Dabney: You need to know that Kaboodle is the most important thing in the world to me.
- Teddy Duncan: How's Mr Dabney doing?
- Mrs. Estelle Dabney: Like I said, love that Kaboodle.
- Gabe Duncan: Mom, can you help me with something?
- Amy Duncan: Sure, honey. What can I do for you?
- Gabe Duncan: Well, I have this friend and he needs to know how to talk to girls.
- Amy Duncan: Does this friend have a name?
- Gabe Duncan: No-ooooorman.
- Amy Duncan: Noooooorman? That's an odd name.
- Gabe Duncan: Well, I think he's from Nooooooorway.
- Amy Duncan: I remember my first crush.
- Gabe Duncan: Was it dad?
- Amy Duncan: [Sarcastically] Sure, why not?
- Gabe Duncan: So, just ask her stuff and listen to the answer? That sounds easy!
- Amy Duncan: Sure! Relationships are a piece of cake. That's why married people are always so happy.
- Gabe Duncan: Did dad ever get nervous talking to you?
- Amy Duncan: When your dad and I started dating, we didn't do a lot of talking. Mostly we just...
- Gabe Duncan: Just what?
- Amy Duncan: [pause] Played checkers. Lots and lots of checkers.
- PJ Duncan: Hey dad.
- Bob Duncan: Hey.
- PJ Duncan: Uh, you're taking care of Charlie tomorrow afternoon, right?
- Bob Duncan: I believe I am.
- PJ Duncan: You know, I was thinking maybe she can come to work with me.
- Bob Duncan: Why?
- PJ Duncan: Because I... feel like I didn't do enough when Teddy and Gabe were babies.
- Bob Duncan: Enough? You didn't do anything!
- PJ Duncan: I know. And it haunts me.
- Gabe Duncan: [Feeling nervous] Tell me about yourself.
- Kit: What?
- Gabe Duncan: I mean, only if you want to.
- Kit: OK. What do you want to know?
- Gabe Duncan: Erm, tell me about your family.
- Kit: My family. Well, actually, there's not much to tell. I'm an only child.
- Gabe Duncan: Me too.
- Kit: Cool!
- Gabe Duncan: What else?
- Kit: Well, my parents are divorced...
- Gabe Duncan: [pause] Mine, too.
- Kit: Who do you live with?
- Gabe Duncan: Who do *you* live with?
- Kit: My mom.
- Gabe Duncan: Me too!
- Kit: Wow! We really have a lot in common.
- Gabe Duncan: You know, I had a feeling we might. You want half a peanut butter sandwich?
- Kit: No, thanks. I'm allergic to peanuts.
- Gabe Duncan: [Throws his sandwich away] Me too.
- Teddy Duncan: Hi, I'm Teddy the housekeeper, see?
- Dana: Hi, I'm Dana. This is Kit.
- Kit: Why are you wearing a cat?
- Teddy Duncan: Er... because in my country, we have a saying: "The house looks its best when a cat's... on your chest".
- Dana: W-what country is that?
- Teddy Duncan: Canada.
- Teddy Duncan: Well, Charlie, the good news is Kaboodle's fine. Turns out all he needed was a trip to the litterbox. But, erm... the bad news is Gabe's romance with Kit is over.
- Gabe Duncan: Well, the good news is I don't have to shower any more.
- Teddy Duncan: You know what I think? I think you like someone.
- Gabe Duncan: So what if I do? It's no big deal.
- Teddy Duncan: What, are you kidding? Your first crush is a huge deal.
- Gabe Duncan: Look, she's a girl, I'm a guy. These things happen every day.
- Teddy Duncan: Not to you.
- Gabe Duncan: [Giddy] I know! Can you believe it?
- Amy Duncan: PJ, honey? Can you watch Charlie after school? I have to work.
- PJ Duncan: I can't. I'm working, too. I can take Charlie with me if you want.
- [to Charlie]
- PJ Duncan: You wanna help your big brother deliver chicken?
- Amy Duncan: Or you can come to the hospital and help mommy change bedpans.
- [pause, then to PJ]
- Amy Duncan: You take her.
- Mrs. Estelle Dabney: I'm going out of town for a couple of days and I was wondering if you'd be kind enough to look after my cat, Kaboodle.
- Teddy Duncan: Oh... I don't know. I'm awfully busy.
- Mrs. Estelle Dabney: I'll pay you $20 a day.
- Teddy Duncan: Oh, my schedule just opened up.
- Mrs. Estelle Dabney: I can trust you, right?
- Teddy Duncan: Of course.
- Mrs. Estelle Dabney: You do seem to be the least disturbed of all the Duncan kids.
- Teddy Duncan: What an almost sweet thing to say.
- Mrs. Estelle Dabney: Virginia brings her cat Stanley over. What a ridiculous name for a cat.
- Teddy Duncan: Kaboodle!
- Mrs. Estelle Dabney: Stanley!
- Mrs. Estelle Dabney: But so my little Kaboodie won't make a scene, you need to distract him.
- Teddy Duncan: [In baby voice to Kaboodle] Should I pretend to be a mouse?
- Mrs. Estelle Dabney: Yes.
- Teddy Duncan: I was joking.
- Mrs. Estelle Dabney: I wasn't.
- Amy Duncan: [Sees Teddy imitating a mouse to Kaboodle] Teddy, honey, did you lose something?
- Teddy Duncan: Only my dignity.
- Teddy Duncan: Mrs. Dabney, why are you back here?
- Virginia Dabney: Oh, I'm not Estelle. I'm her sister, Virginia.
- Teddy Duncan: Wow! You really look like Mrs. Dabney.
- Virginia Dabney: Except for my laugh lines. Estelle doesn't have any of those!
- Virginia Dabney: Oh, you look like a nice little boy. Would you like some candy?
- Gabe Duncan: Only if you eat one first.
- Virginia Dabney: You're as cute as the dickies!
- Teddy Duncan: OK, this is dang freaky!
- Teddy Duncan: [about Kaboodle] Do you think he's sick?
- Virginia Dabney: You'd better hope not. I'd hate to be in your shoes if something happened to my sister's baby.
- Teddy Duncan: What, y... it's not my fault. She'd understand that, right?
- Virginia Dabney: [Sarcastically] Oh, yeah. She's very understanding.
- Teddy Duncan: Come on, Kaboodle. Perk up.
- Virginia Dabney: This does not look good.
- Teddy Duncan: Oh, I know what'll cheer you up! Mr. Mouse, right?
- [Imitates mouse]
- Virginia Dabney: This does not look good either.
- Teddy Duncan: You know, I didn't know veterinarians made house calls.
- Dr. Tish Tushy: Oh, they don't. I'm a therapist.
- Teddy Duncan: Uh, a therapist for cats?
- Dr. Tish Tushy: And birds. But never at the same time. You only make that mistake once.
- Teddy Duncan: So... w-what's wrong with Kaboodle?
- Dr. Tish Tushy: Well, his aura is off, his chakras are out of line... how's his poop?
- Teddy Duncan: Fine. How's... yours?
- Dr. Tish Tushy: Well, that's a little personal! But since you asked, super good and getting better!
- Teddy Duncan: Maybe we should get back to the cat, Dr. Tushy.
- Dr. Tish Tushy: It's Tuh-shy.
- Teddy Duncan: Tushy.
- Dr. Tish Tushy: Uh-uh. Tuh-shy.
- Teddy Duncan: Tushy?
- Dr. Tish Tushy: Tuh-shy. Tuh-shy. Tuh-shy.
- Teddy Duncan: Do you have a first name?
- Dr. Tish Tushy: Tish.
- Dr. Tish Tushy: [Dr. Tushy tells Teddy to heal Kaboodle by touching him and sending him loving thoughts] Do you have a thought?
- Teddy Duncan: Ooh, I'm having a few of them!
- Gabe Duncan: I have a probl... what are you doing?
- Teddy Duncan: [Carrying Kaboodle on a harness] Readjusting Kaboodle's aura. Duh!
- Teddy Duncan: What's wrong?
- Gabe Duncan: The girl I like is here with her mom.
- Teddy Duncan: What's wrong with that?
- Gabe Duncan: Well, I told her mom and dad were divorced and that I'm an only child. What am I gonna do?
- Teddy Duncan: OK, the first thing you're gonna do is calm down. Your negative energy is upsetting the cat.