- Private: Instant telescope.
- King Julien: [Takes telescope] Thank you, dumpy penguin. You see, in camping, you can make a fire with just a... piraty looky tube.
- Maurice: Don't you need sunlight for that?
- King Julien: Why would I need sunlight to do this?
- [hits kindling with telescope]
- King Julien: Make fire, you looky tube!
- [Hands the destroyed telescope back to Private]
- King Julien: This one's defective.
- Skipper: Should I know you?
- Amarillo Kid: Only if your name is Mr. Tux.
- Skipper: Kowalski, my alias portfolio.
- Kowlaski: Let's see... two-bit hood Mack the Knife, international playbird Diego Garcia, wealthy industrialist Lincoln Douglas... I'm not seeing a Mr. Tux here.
- Skipper: Perhaps it was the time I woke up in that Kyoto hotel room, on a bed of counterfeit deutschmarks.
- King Julien: Ooh, he just made things interesting. Everyone, be interested!
- Skipper: Don't tell me you're betting on this nutball!
- King Julien: Well, technically I'm losing everything to this nutball, but I can't let that distract me from my game.
- Skipper: Kowalski, promotion analysis.
- Kowlaski: Private risked his own life to rescue innocent captives from a demonic bus. That's plus 17 points.
- Skipper: They were all lemurs. Minus 20.
- Kowlaski: But he did bring back one primo souveneir.
- Skipper: Well, congratulations, young Private. You have been promoted to Private... First Class.
- [All cheer]
- Skipper: Course we'll still call you Private. First Class is implied. Enjoy your classified joke access.
- [Hands Private file; Private giggles as he opens file and reads it]
- Skipper: I don't get it.
- Amarillo Kid: You better be on your game, Mr. Tux, or this here animal farm won't be worth a toothless sidewinder on Easter Sunday.
- King Julien: And the trash talk is inscrutable.
- Maurice: He's gonna blow up the zoo?
- Mort: Ooh! High stakes!
- Skipper: [reading from a folder and laughing] That's classic!
- Private: All right then, Skipper?
- Skipper: At ease, Private. I was just laughing at a joke in our mission files.
- Private: Is it a funny one?
- Skipper: Oh, yeah.
- Private: Can I see it, then?
- Skipper: Classified!
- Kowlaski: What's classified?
- [Skipper shows Kowalski the file, he laughs]
- Kowlaski: Classic.
- Private: Well, why does Kowalski get to see it?
- Skipper: Because he's got security clearance. We can't go around showing our classified information to just anybody. Rico! You gotta see this!
- Rico: [Reads and laughs] Classic!
- King Julien: I know this camp-time activity. The only way to untangle us is to work together as a team. So everybody shut it, and I will be the team.
- Private: It started as an innocent game of minigolf. I was good. I was too good. Soon any punk who could shoot a straignt ball was aiming to shoot me down. Then came this young armadillo. He was running circles around me. So I did what I had to do.
- [Flashback shows Private bouncing the ball off a little girl's ice-cream cone to sink the hole]
- Private: I gave up the game, forever.
- Marlene: So, you gave up minigolf.
- Private: Yes.
- Kowlaski: Over an ice-cream cone.
- Private: It was a double scoop!
- Marlene: Couldn't you just buy the girl another ice-cream...
- Private: It wasn't the ice-cream, it was what the game was turning me into.