- Mike 'The Situation' Sorrentino: [about Angelina] You have proven the equation that people have been trying to solve for hundreds of years. That, when you're nice to a chick and take her on four dates, you snuggle with the girl...
- Paul 'Pauly D' DelVecchio - DJ Pauly D: -she don't like you.
- Mike 'The Situation' Sorrentino: -You buy her gifts...
- Paul 'Pauly D' DelVecchio - DJ Pauly D: -She will not call you.
- Mike 'The Situation' Sorrentino: She will not call you. She will play you the fuck out and then she will fuck somebody three days later when she's drunk with somebody she hates!
- Vinny Guadagnino: Do we have any red cups?
- Paul 'Pauly D' DelVecchio - DJ Pauly D: I think that's the least of your worries. We heard you like to visit the Staten Island dump this time of year. Is it true?
- Vinny Guadagnino: Yes it is.
- Paul 'Pauly D' DelVecchio - DJ Pauly D: Ohhh!
- Angelina Pivarnick: [chuckles] That it is.
- Vinny Guadagnino: [on sleeping with Angelina] It's called; when a guy is a dick to you...
- Ronnie Ortiz-Magro: -You automatically win.
- Vinny Guadagnino: He owns you.
- Mike 'The Situation' Sorrentino: [to Angelina] You were dating Jose. You were going to buy the kid a birthday gift. Yeah. Happy Birthday, I banged my fucking roommate. Oh! Fucking shit!
- Paul 'Pauly D' DelVecchio - DJ Pauly D: Oh! Nice birthday present, Angelina!
- Mike 'The Situation' Sorrentino: Nice birthday present.
- Paul 'Pauly D' DelVecchio - DJ Pauly D: Remind me not to get you something.
- Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi: [about Angelina sleeping with Vinny] I don't give a fuck. You had my sloppy seconds. Good for you and obviously you're a loosey goose because he got it in.
- Mike 'The Situation' Sorrentino: This chick is supposed to be hooking up with you right now but guess what? She went with me right now and I'm taking her home tonight.
- Mike 'The Situation' Sorrentino: After all this; 'I feel bad I've got a boyfriend'. What? You should've felt bad at the club when I was grabbing up on your ass.
- Paul 'Pauly D' DelVecchio - DJ Pauly D: [to Mike] I can't believe your chick bounced. Did you try to put it in her butt or something? Why did she leave?
- Mike 'The Situation' Sorrentino: There's one thing I don't like is my boy Pauly bringing home a girl and that never happens. It never happens and this chick was just straight like, whatever. Ain't nothing wrong with that, you know because uh, I had a front uh, row seat to a slam session. I sit back with my egg sandwich and I'm just eating my egg sandwich. Like, and then once in awhile Pauly would look at me and I'd be like; 'Yeah dog. Keep going, dog.'
- Ronnie Ortiz-Magro: Angelina's a pimp, you know? She was literally all over Vinny's sack the other night and now tonight she's all over Jose. She's got game. I mean, you can't hate on her.
- Angelina Pivarnick: Some people think 'hooking up' means kissing. Some people think 'hooking up' means having sex but if he's going to think that I just kissed Vinny, then we don't have to go ahead and tell him any more.
- Vinny Guadagnino: Sometimes you meet the right girl who deserves to be wined and dined and you know, wifed up.
- Himself - DJ Pauly D: [to Rocio] I want to take you out. Vinny's going to take that girl, the one he's in love with. So I was going to take the girls I'm in love with...
- [Rocio swoons]
- Himself - DJ Pauly D: ... and I figured you could come too.
- Vinny Guadagnino: We don't go on dates.
- Paul 'Pauly D' DelVecchio - DJ Pauly D: What the hell's a date?
- Vinny Guadagnino: [on his date with Romona] I can't wait. I'm going to fucking stand there with my flowers, bro and let the fucking music play!
- Jenni Farley: You're going to tag along on a date?
- Vinny Guadagnino: No. We've got like this serious double thing, you know?
- Mike 'The Situation' Sorrentino: It doesn't look too serious since she's late right now.
- [laughs]