- Randall Zimmerman: Without parking enforcement, there would be complete chaos, and there's nothing worse than that.
- Randall Zimmerman: Professor Griffin, you're a very learned man.
- Professor Griffin: Well, some might say that two masters and a Ph.D. constitute learned.
- Corinna: Those quack doctors. They ain't got nothing on a mother's love. You can't learn that in medical school.
- Sasha: I don't think I'm reaching my full potential with Randall, if you know what I mean.
- Dr. Stiglets: Full potential?
- Sasha: I love him, but I don't lust him.
- Jay: Two tickets. Europe. Thirteen countries. Five days. I hope you brought your passport to the danger zone.
- Randall Zimmerman: Stuffing envelopes wasn't so bad. It was like what I'd been doing all along with the letters. Only without all the meaning and hope.
- Professor Griffin: Do you have a talent? Is there something you care about more than anything else in the world?
- Randall Zimmerman: I'm really good at parking enforcement.