Sisters (III) (2015)

Tina Fey: Kate Ellis

Photos 

Quotes 

• Kate Ellis : Hey. Lollapazuzu, I'm partying now. You ready for me?

  Pazuzu : I've been ready. My safe word is "keep going".

• Kate Ellis : We are looking for... to buy drugs.

  Pazuzu : What'chu want? I got ketamine, MDMA, Adderall, Bromo-Dragonfly, heroin, coke, crack, codeine, oxys, percs, vikes, PCP, LSD, Dilaudid, mescaline, mushrooms, bath salts, cortisone, Toradol. I got molly. I got her sister Sandra. I got big Frank. I got birth control, I got Plan B. I got that morphine from China they took off the market. Shit to make your dick hard, shit to make your dick soft, shit'll find your dick. That shit there's from Kenya, supposed to be a scurvy cure for silverback gorillas but for humans it just makes them violently masturbate. Did I say crack? because I got more of that, too. I got some Ibuprofen, Aspirin. I got Flintstone Gummies if you want.

• Kate Ellis : Do you have any kids?

  Pazuzu : I'm sure I do.

• Kate Ellis : You're so full of shit, I'm gonna buy you Pull-Ups.

• Kate Ellis : You can't start with 'Mony Mony'. That's like starting with anal.

• Kate Ellis : What kind of last name is Geernt? Geernt. Sounds like a queef on a yoga ball.

• Maura Ellis : [the sisters have visited their parents uninvited only to realize that they are otherwise engaged]  Did we just cock block our parents?

  Kate Ellis : They were fresh off the sex griddle!

• Maura Ellis : I've been thinking...

  Kate Ellis : Why?

• Kate Ellis : What fresh fuckery is this?

• Kate Ellis : I'm not a hothead, I'm brassy!

• [Brinda has crashed Kate and Maura's party and is talking to James, whom Maura has a crush on] 

  Kate Ellis : Are you serious? 'Cause I am straight-up baffled.

  Brinda : I'm sorry?

  Kate Ellis : I believe you called this party "a sad and desperate event"?

  Brinda : Well, I just figured I'd pop in and say hello to everyone. I mean, we're all adults now, right?

  Kate Ellis : Nice try. On your bike, bitch.

  Maura Ellis : [whimpers] 

  Kate Ellis : Get your peanut butter outta my sister's chocolate.

  Brinda : Wow.

  Kate Ellis : I respect your jumpsuit, but not its contents. Hit it.

• Kate Ellis : There's a drunk, blind guy swinging a gun around!

• Kate Ellis : You know, I never met a Brayla before.

  Brayla : I know like three.

  Kate Ellis : Oh, so you're trending. God bless.

• Kate Ellis : I wish being gay was a choice, because I always did like that shorts and boots look.

  Maura Ellis : Yeah I dunno, for me the deal breaker might be the eating of the pussy.

  Kate Ellis : Oh really? 'Cause for me, it would just be the fucking unbearable amount of talking.

• [Unrated version only] 

  Kate Ellis : Oh, I'm so sorry that you couldn't get laid for the last five millionth time in your life.

  Maura Ellis : Oh, I get! I get my fucking dick when I want to.

  Kate Ellis : I know you get tons of dick!

  Maura Ellis : Just not tonight and not recently.

  Kate Ellis : Mmmm-hmmm.

• Kate Ellis : Kelly. Your profile pic is a low-fat Mexican casserole.

  Kelly : [unashamed]  Yeah. It is.

• Maura Ellis , Kate Ellis : Fuck the haters!

• Maura Ellis : [Policeman writes on his note pad]  Why don't you write this on your notepad. E.A.T...

  [Policeman starts writing] 

  Maura Ellis : S.H.I.T...

  Kate Ellis : Okay! Oh My GOD!

• Kate Ellis : We're grown-ups! We don't have to clean up after ourselves.

• [Unrated edition only] 

  Kate Ellis : Why don't you go drive yourself to fucking Petco and find a fucking husband? Or go breastfeed a squirrel, you sad excuse for a woman.