Death Valley (TV Series)
Pilot (2011)
Bryan Callen: Captain Dashell
Quotes
-
Sound guy Rodney : [Talking to the UTF officers] I got a few tips that will help you sound better on TV.
Captain Dashell : Yeah well I've got a tip for you too Rodney, Alright? A little more than tip if you know what I mean. I can show a man what it's like to be a woman.
-
Captain Dashell : What'd you do in Carefree? You don't look like a golfer.
Officer Kirsten Landry : Actually I'm a 14 handicap.
Captain Dashell : Means nothing to a zombie. You gonna kill a zombie with a golf club?
Officer Kirsten Landry : Err, yeah! you wanna UMPH! destroy the brain, right?
Captain Dashell : That's exactly right. Shoot em through the eyes, run em over with a truck, crush his head in with a crowbar.
Officer Kirsten Landry : How's a crowbar different from a golf club?
Captain Dashell : You ever try to get out of the sand with a crowbar?
-
Captain Dashell : [Captain Dashell looks at Kirsten, pretends to press buttons on fax machine, then walks over] How have you been handeling everything we've thrown at you so far?
Officer Kirsten Landry : Well I've been sitting at my desk for 4 hours
Captain Dashell : I know that. I've been watching you... Not continually of course.
-
Captain Dashell : [Sofia walks in] Well, well, well, if it isn't my favorite prostitute. I'm kidding, I don't have a favorite prostitute. Not in this country anyway.
-
Captain Dashell : [about Kirsten] Now she's a rookie but i'm sure she's no stranger to zombies.
Officer Kirsten Landry : Actually I've never seen one, in person.
Captain Dashell : That's alright, it'll only take you about 2 hours around here to pop your cherry huh
[hits Jon Jon on the shoulder]
-
Officer Kirsten Landry : I would love to be up on the beat!
Captain Dashell : In time Kristen, in time.
Officer Kirsten Landry : It, it's actually um, it's pronounced Kirsten.
Captain Dashell : What'd I say?
Officer Kirsten Landry : Kristen.
Captain Dashell : Say it your way?
Officer Kirsten Landry : Kirsten.
Captain Dashell : Ok I'm gonna be honest, I'm gonna have a little trouble with that. But anyway, Gurstin.
-
Officer Joe Stubeck : [Going through Billy's phone] Man Billy's got a lot of porn on this thing.
Captain Dashell : Inactive glands.
-
Officer Joe Stubeck : Here's the part where they tell me to go to Griffith park with the body. Unarmed and alone
Captain Dashell : Well I guess that's what you gotta do then.
Officer Joe Stubeck : Seriously?
Captain Dashell : They say what they'll do if you went there with backup?
Officer Joe Stubeck : Yeah, they'll kill Billy.
Captain Dashell : Well there you go then.
Officer Joe Stubeck : I'm not going in without backup.
Captain Dashell : Don't be such a girl.