Death Valley (TV Series)
Pilot (2011)
Charlie Sanders: Officer Joe Stubeck
Quotes
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Officer Joe Stubeck : [after shooting zombie in the head] Anybody want a Choco Taco?
[camera crew man vomits]
Officer Billy Pierce : Not this guy.
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Officer Joe Stubeck : You enjoy lock-up Sofia. I'm gonna go home to my nice warm bed. Which I use for sleeping, not sex. You wanna know why? I'm a happily married man.
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Officer Billy Pierce : [In reference to fighting the undead] Do you wanna know why I do it?
Camera crew guy : Do I have to?
Officer Billy Pierce : [shows pornographic picture of two women] I do it for them.
Officer Joe Stubeck : Let me see that! I said I do it for my family!
Officer Billy Pierce : I've had this JPEG so long it's like they're my family. Technically I guess that makes it incest.
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Officer Joe Stubeck : [Going through Billy's phone] Man Billy's got a lot of porn on this thing.
Captain Dashell : Inactive glands.
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Officer Joe Stubeck : Here's the part where they tell me to go to Griffith park with the body. Unarmed and alone
Captain Dashell : Well I guess that's what you gotta do then.
Officer Joe Stubeck : Seriously?
Captain Dashell : They say what they'll do if you went there with backup?
Officer Joe Stubeck : Yeah, they'll kill Billy.
Captain Dashell : Well there you go then.
Officer Joe Stubeck : I'm not going in without backup.
Captain Dashell : Don't be such a girl.
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Officer Joe Stubeck : Alright everybody hands in the air!
Officer Billy Pierce : [to Sofia] That means you vampire tits.