Quotes
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Malory Archer : Good God! You'd think he's half fainting goat.
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Sterling Archer : Wow, it's kinda weird opening up like this, huh?
Malory Archer : Yeah, give me another belt.
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Cheryl Tunt : Do anything fun this weekend? Because I sure did! Friday night was cornhole league, then on Saturday...
Malory Archer : [interrupts] If I cared about what you do on the weekend, I'd stick a shotgun in my mouth and pull the trigger with my toes.
Cheryl Tunt : [whispering] Saturday I watched a building burn down.
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Cheryl Tunt : Breast cancer? Oh, you poor thing!
[hugs Malory]
Malory Archer : Pam! What is wrong with you?
Pam Poovey : I can't help it. It's like a disease.
[keeps texting]
Malory Archer : Pam!
Pam Poovey : Do you not know what disease means? Oh sorry, I forgot you might have...
Cyril Figgis : Breast cancer?
Malory Archer : Oh, for the love. And would you get off? Breath!
Cyril Figgis : Malory, if there's anything we can do you just say the word.
Doctor Krieger : My entire laboratory is at your disposal.
Malory Archer : Thanks. I'll let you know if I need a hybrid pig-boy.
Doctor Krieger : A what? That... what are you...? I don't have one of those!
[Flashback to Krieger's laboratory with a lot of squealing and a gun shot]
Doctor Krieger : ... Any more.
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Dr. Speltz : [after Archer's surgery] Not too soon for good news, I hope. Oh, and also some very bad news.
[Malory gasps]
Malory Archer : What's the bad news?
Dr. Speltz : Oh, I have to take a rain check on that drink.
Malory Archer : What?
Dr. Speltz : I'm on call this weekend.
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Sterling Archer : And there's so much I still wanna do!
Malory Archer : Oh, now you're gonna be fine.
Sterling Archer : Like I've never been to Rome.
Malory Archer : What? Yes you have.
Sterling Archer : For work, mother!
Malory Archer : Sterling Malory Archer, this surgery is going to work and you, look at me, you are going to beat cancer.
Sterling Archer : But what if I don't?
Lana Kane : So, how's this going?
Malory Archer : Not great.
Sterling Archer : Lana, what if I don't?
Lana Kane : Um.
Malory Archer : Can you take him home?
Lana Kane : Can you not?
Malory Archer : No. If I don't get something to eat I'm going to literally die.