Pearl (2022)
Mia Goth: Pearl
Photos
Quotes
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Pearl : [yelling in distress after being rejected] No, I'm a star! Please, I'm a *star!* Please, somebody help me! Please help me! *Help me!*
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Pearl : [imagining the Projectionist's face on the scarecrows body] I'm married!
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Mitzy : What's really the matter?
Pearl : I don't feel... well.
Mitzy : You're not comin' down with something, are you?
Pearl : No, it's nothing like that.
Mitzy : [breathes sigh of relief] Oh, thank goodness. If I snuck out of the house and ended up bringing home another bug or germ, my mother and father would just kill me.
Pearl : I'm worried there may be something really wrong with me, Mitzy.
Mitzy : How do you mean?
Pearl : Seems like there's something missing in me that the rest of the world has.
Mitzy : Have you told Howard?
Pearl : [shakes her head] I've never spoken about it out loud to anyone. I'm so afraid of what people might think.
Mitzy : Pearl, Howard's your husband. He adores you. You shouldn't be afraid to tell him how you feel.
Pearl : I'm scared of what I might say.
Mitzy : Well, practice on me first, then.
[smiles]
Mitzy : Pretend I'm Howard and you say whatever's on your mind.
Pearl : I can't.
Mitzy : Yes, you can. Go on. Get it all out.
Pearl : [quietly] Really?
Mitzy : Yes! Trust me.
[Pearl pauses and closes her eyes]
Pearl : Howard...
Mitzy : Go ahead, Pearl.
[Pearl opens her eyes]
Pearl : I hate you so much for leaving me here sometimes I hope you die.
[Mitzy's taken aback]
Pearl : I'm sorry. I feel awful admitting that, but it's the truth. I was curious... about other men. I'm sure you don't want to hear about a stranger satisfying your wife, and I swear it was only once. It was a mistake. It wasn't him that I wanted, I know that now. I just hope things can go back to the way they were before, but I don't see how they could. Not after the things I've done.
Mitzy : [cautiously] What else... have you done, Pearl?
Pearl : Oh, Howard. I realize how this all must sound. Honestly, there was a time I was flattered to have someone as handsome as you pine over me. You're such a good person, I know that. I made sure to always be mindful with your heart. I never wanted you to feel jealous. It's an awful feeling like a rot the way it just twists and turns at your insides. I know that aching so well. I feel it.. whenever I see others whose lives come easy because.. the truth is I'm not really a good person.
Mitzy : [now totally spooked, but feigning a smile] Pearl, I think I should...
Pearl : The reason I kept my eyes to the ground to avoid other men was never to avoid hurting you. It's cause I understood how lucky I was to have your attention. I may be a poor farm girl, Howard, but I'm not stupid. I spotted you the moment you came to live with us. You worked hard like the other farmhands, but you were different. You were from somewhere; a nice, comfortable place that you could return to whenever you wanted. I'm so desperate to have that. All my life I've wanted off this farm and you were my ticket out. So... I made sure to never let you see who I really was. Worked like a charm, too. Then, you finally brought me back to your home to meet your family and it was just as I hoped. Like straight out of the pictures. At least that's what it felt like to me. But you didn't want it. You wanted to stay here with me on our farm and it made me so angry. How could you? I'm certain you knew I hated it here. You must've. How could you be so selfish and cruel after all I've done to make you happy?
[tearing up now]
Pearl : I was pregnant with your baby. I never wanted to be a mother. I loathed the feeling of it growing inside me. Felt that sickness. Pulling, sucking on me like some needy animal in a barn. How could I be responsible for another life? Life terrifies me. It's harsh, and bleak, and draining. I was so relieved when it died. It was one less weight keeping me here but then the war came and you left me too. Why did you leave me, Howard? I hate feeling like this. It's so pathetic. Do people like you ever feel this way? Figure you don't... you seem so perfect all the time. Lord must have been generous to you. He never answers any of my prayers. I don't know why. What did I do? What is wrong with me? Please just tell me so I can get better. I don't wanna end up like Mama I wanna be dancing up on the screen like the pretty girls in the pictures. I want what they have so badly... to be perfect... to be loved by as many people as possible to make up for all my time spent suffering. Sometimes I wake in the middle of the night and a fear washes over me 'cause what if this is it? What if this is right where I belong? I'm a failure. I'm not pretty, or naturally pleasant, or friendly. I'm not smart, or funny, or confident. I'm exactly what Mama said I was: weak. But I don't know why. What did I do? Why wasn't my family like yours? I hate what it feels like to be me and not you. I'm so scared that when you finally come home you'll see me and be frightened like everyone else is. I know what I've done. Bad things. Terrible, awful, murderous things. I regret them now, but I liked how they felt. I wish I didn't, but I did. At first, it was only animals smaller than myself. Nothing with feelings, nothing that could hurt me back. Felt good. Killing's easier than you'd think. 'Til recently; with Mama and the boy from the picture house - they were different. They were more meaningful. I hurt them so they too might know what it feels like to suffer, but poor Daddy didn't deserve that. I wish I hadn't done what I did. Mama meant well. She had a hard life. She only wanted a home to feel safe in, I can see that. I thought I hated her, but I just wanted to feel safe too. My Lord. I made such a mess of things. I don't know how much more I can take. I need to clean this up. All of it. I need to make things right before you see me again. Maybe if I could turn this farm into a home just like you wanted, things will finally be different. I can forgive. I can be who you want me to be. If you'll just stay with me. Would you do that, please? I can't be all by myself anymore. It's too hard.
[She wipes tears off her face]
Pearl : We can love each other. I'll do that for you; if you really meant all that. 'Til death do us part. It'd be enough. Just you and me here on this farm. All I really want is to be loved. I've had such a hard time without it lately.
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[Pearl chases a terrified Mitzy down her driveway and hits her in the back with an ax]
Mitzy : Please, no! I won't tell anyone! Please, I swear! No! Please. I'll do anything you want!
Pearl : It's not about what I want anymore, Mitzy. It's about making the best of what I have.
[Pearl swings the ax down onto a screaming Mitzy]
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[last lines]
Pearl : Howard? I'm so happy you're home.
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Pearl : What did I do wrong?
The Projectionist : Nothing, calm down...
Pearl : [yelling] *No!* Why are you leaving me if I didn't do anything wrong? I don't understand, I thought you liked me!
The Projectionist : I do like you, it's just...
Pearl : Tell me the truth! Why are you leaving me, what did you see, why did you change?
The Projectionist : You're *scaring* me, Pearl. Okay? I wish you the best of luck with your audition. Sincerely.
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Pearl : [Pearl imagining she's speaking to Howard] How could I be responsible for another life? Life terrifies me. It's harsh, and bleak, and draining. I was so relieved when it died.. it was one less weight keeping me here but then the war came and you left me too. Why did you leave me, Howard?
Pearl : ..I hate feeling like this. It's so pathetic.. Do people like you ever feel this way? Figure you don't.. seem so perfect all the time. Lord must have been generous to you. He never answers any of my prayers. I don't know why- what did I do? What is wrong with me? Please just tell me so I can get better- I don't wanna end up like mama I wanna be dancing up on the screen like the pretty girls in the pictures. I want what they have so badly.. to be perfect.. to be loved by as many people as possible to make up for all my time spent suffering.
Pearl : ..Sometimes I wake in the middle of the night and a fear washes over me 'cause what if this is it? What if this is right where I belong?.. I'm a failure.. I'm not pretty, or naturally pleasant, or friendly. I'm not smart, or funny, or confident. I'm exactly what mama said I was, weak. But I don't know why- what did I do? Why wasn't my family like yours? I hate what it feels like to be me and not you. I'm so scared that when you finally come home you'll see me and be frightened like everyone else is.
Pearl : I know what I've done.. Bad things. Terrible, awful, murderous things... .
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[the Projectionist is trying to escape from Pearl's farm]
Pearl : [wielding a pitchfork] You're not leaving me here! I'M NOT STAYIN' ON THIS FARM!
[She stabs him dead center in the chest and then rips it out]
Pearl : NOTHING'S GONNA KEEP ME HERE!
[She stabs him again with so much force it knocks her backwards. The car the Projectionist is driving pulls forward but soon stops at the end of the driveway. Pearl catches up to it]
Pearl : NOT YOU! NOT HOWARD! NOT MAMA! NOBODY!
[Pearl opens the door and grabs the Projectionist's body]
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Pearl : [after Ruth pulls out the film program] How did you find that?
Ruth : I'm not blind to what goes around here. Take your dinner and stay in the bunkhouse.
Pearl : But it's freezing out there!
Ruth : You should've thought of that before putting me at risk. Isolate yourself until we know you're not ill. That is what's right.
Pearl : There's that dance audition in town tomorrow. I'm going on it.
Ruth : No, you're not.
Pearl : Yes, i am.
Ruth : Why?
Pearl : To find out if i'm good enough?
Ruth : Good enough for what, Pearl?
Pearl : Something more than this?
Ruth : Where does all this ungratefulness stem from? How is it that you find our lives so beneath you? You always had a roof over your head, food in your belly. Do you not think that it came at great sacrifice for your father and i? Or do you think we are beneath you too?
Pearl : If i meant to live out the rest of my days with you and daddy on this farm, then so be it, but i'm *only* young once! If i go to this audition and i don't get picked, then i'll come home and i'll NEVER speak of it again, i swear. But i *have* to know that i tried, or i'm going to regret it for the rest of my life. Please mama, you have no idea what i'm capable of!
Ruth : Oh yes, i do. I've seen the things you've done - in private - when you believe that no one's watching. You think others won't notice? You can't keep your true self hidden forever, Pearl. They will notice eventually and they will be frightened, just as i am.
Pearl : You're wrong.
Ruth : Am i?
Ruth : [chuckles in disbelief] Then what a fine woman you hope to become, leaving your mother alone to rot so you can dance with a bunch of city whores. Let alone the illness you may contact and spread. You see what it does to your father? That's what you want for yourself and others? Then maybe that's what you wish for me?
Pearl : Of course not.
Ruth : [suddenly snaps] STOP LYING! I can't stand the sound of it anymore. It's almost as abhorrent as your *sinful* behaviour!
Ruth : [tears the program to shreds] You are not well, Pearl! It's only a matter of time before you hurt someone else. Malevolence is festering in you, i see it. And i will not, in good conscience, let you leave this farm again.
Pearl : You can't stop me.
Ruth : Oh yes, i can. You don't know what i could do to you. I shoulder a burden that you'll never understand, spend my days feeding and wiping the snot off the face of the man i married. You *DARE* sit there and talk to me about regret? I was supposed to be his wife, not his mother! Don't you EVER speak that way to me again! Do you hear me?
Pearl : I'm sorry...
Ruth : NO, YOU'RE NOT! Or you would stop all this?
Ruth : [grabs the knife off the table] Here! Take it! That's what you really desire, isn't it? Perhaps i shall kill him for you? That way you won't have to care for him any longer. Would that suit your *selfish* dreams better? Then we both can go to the dance audition! Your husband is gone, so is mine! Why should be settled with caring for them or the work on this farm? WHAT ABOUT US GETTING WHAT WE WANT?
Ruth : [slams the knife on the table]
Ruth : I won't suffer for you any longer. If you want to leave, go. But if you fail... and YOU will fail, i want you to remember what it feels like because that's how i feel every time i look at you. Nearly everything that i had has been taken from me, Pearl. What more do you want?
Pearl : I just don't wanna end up like you, is all.
Ruth : [Ruth approaches and slaps Pearl]
Pearl : [enraged] I HATE YOU!
Pearl : [Pearl slaps back and the two scuffle]
Ruth : You harlot! I won't let you flaunt your arrogance in my face! You're not better than me!
Pearl : [pushes Ruth against the fireplace] YES, I AM! I'M GONNA BE A STAR AND THE WHOLE WORLD'S GONNA KNOW MY NAME!
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Pearl : [Pearl imagining she's speaking to Howard] I never wanted you to feel jealous. It's an awful feeling like a rot the way it just twists and turns at your insides. I know that aching so well. I feel it.. whenever I see others whose lives come easy because.. the truth is I'm not really a good person.
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Pearl : Is it legal?
The Projectionist : Doing it, yeah. Filming it, no.
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Pearl : I don't like reality. Where I live I mean.
The Projectionist : So leave.
Pearl : It's not that easy.
The Projectionist : Well, sure it is. There's a road right out front there.
