Seven Psychopaths (2012)
Christopher Walken: Hans
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Quotes
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Hans : Marty, I've been reading your movie. Your women characters are awful. None of them have anything to say for themselves. And most of them get either shot or stabbed to death within five minutes. And the ones that don't probably will later on.
Marty : Well, it's a hard world for women. I guess that's what I'm trying to say.
Hans : Yeah, it's a hard world for women, but most of the ones I know can string a sentence together.
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Hans : My wife is sitting on a chair someplace. Some gray place. I thought she'd be in Heaven, but she's sitting on a chair with a bullet in her head. I thought they'd have cleaned that kind of stuff up.
Marty : Maybe you've just eaten too many hallucinogenic cactuses tonight, Hans.
Hans : Nothing to do with the hallucinogens.
Marty : But you've just seen Myra on a chair with a bullet through her head.
Hans : In some gray place.
Marty : England?
Hans : It seemed a lot worse than that.
Marty : Wow.
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Hans : An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind, I believe that wholeheartedly.
Billy : No it doesn't. There'll be one guy left with one eye. Hows the last blind guy gonna take out the eye of the last guy left, who's still got one eye! All that guy has to do is run away and hide behind a bush. Gandhi was wrong, it's just that nobody's got the balls to come right out and say it.
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Hans : So, you know, your Vietcong psycho story becomes the final thoughts of a man who chose not the darkness, but the light. The light being, you know, suicide by self-immolation. But I think that's the best we're gonna get. And, you know... I know you said dream sequences are for fags, but I think it could work, don't you? We all gotta dream, don't we? Not just fags. Oh, by the way, I don't think they like being called "fags" anymore. I think nowadays they prefer "homos."
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Hans : We can't leave him.
Marty : You ain't gonna fight.
Hans : Of course I ain't gonna fight, but I ain't gonna run.
Marty : What are you gonna do then?
Hans : I guess I'm gonna die.
Marty : Friends don't make their friends die Hans.
Hans : Psychopathic friends do. You're the one thought psychopaths were so interesting, but they're kinda tiresome after awhile, don't you think?
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Hans : Have some pride, in yourself. Have some faith in Jesus Christ as your lord and dont tell this scumsucking motherfuckers nothing.
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Billy : Okay, here we go. Exterior. Cemetery. Night. The shoot-out. Yeah! The Jack O' Diamonds is waiting there with Bonny, and he's arranged to give him back and have this whole thing end because all he really wants is peace. You know, like Gandhi or Jesus or that other guy. Anyway, he's waiting there for the Mafia boss, who's agreed to show up alone and unarmed. But, yeah, guess what?
Marty : Wait, wait a minute. Surely he knows that the Mafia boss is a psycho? Why would he believe he'd show up alone and unarmed? You know?
Billy : Yeah. Exactly! Maybe the Jack O' Diamonds was expecting to get double-crossed because he just happens to have brought a couple of friends along. Suddenly, from out of every fucking grave burst the seven psychopaths, a gun in every hand. Flamethrower! Who the fuck is that? It's the Vietcong guy. He was hiding up a tree. You!
[Points to Marty]
Billy : You're there, but you're just there to observe, and that's all right. Nobody thinks you're a pussy. But it's started raining now. Lightning. And oh, no, look who's wandered in like a fucking idiot. It's Kaya. She's come to say sorry to you, and she loves you, and that she didn't mean to be such a fucking bitch. You scream out, "Kaya! Stay back!" Too late, she's fucking mown down. Fucking mown down! Her head almost comes off. Her head does come off. You scream out her name, all sad, and she dies. You throw your notepad away. Art and peace and all that shit can wait! Now's the time for men to be men! "Fuck you, you cunts!" It's really emotional. And then... Hold on. Yeah... The black chick from the serial killer killers. She fought good, but she's the next to croak. Zachariah dies, too. He buys it. Dies in her arms. And they die and they're old and mental, and so much in love. You know, it's really sad. But his rabbit gets away, though, because you can't let the animals die in a movie. Just the women. Anyway, guns, guns, guns! Blam, blam, blam. The Vietcong gets hit. Then he dies, and he never even had a fucking name, and he's so good. With his dying move, he throws his nunchakus and he kills two of the bastards.
Hans : Nunchakus are Japanese.
Billy : [Ignores this] So the only ones left are you and Hans. Peace is for queers. And now you're gonna die. But the Jack O' Diamonds isn't dead at all. He was just a bit injured and he had a fucking crossbow up his sleeve. That's not enough, so he pulls out a shotgun. Goodbye. And as the Jack O' Diamonds dies in their arms, he whispers, "We did good, we did good, didn't we, Marty?" And through your tears, you say, "Ah, bejesus, Jack, "we did more than good. We did grand." Jack says, "All I ever wanted was to be your friend. Marty, I'm your friend now, ain't I?" And you say, "Ah, bejesus, sure, you're me best friend, Jack. "You're me best friend." And then the Jack O' Diamonds dies. And as his soul leaves his body to go dance with the angels, we pan up over the blood-strewn cemetery and off into the pretty blue skies of dawn. Skies blue enough to suggest that maybe there can be peace one day in this troubled but beautiful world. Maybe there can be peace because that would be good!
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Billy : Is that a guinea pig? It's a gerbil, isn't it? That's enormous. Hey, Marty, we just seen some kind of giant gerbil.
[Marty punches Billy]
Billy : Marty, you alcoholic fucking bastard.
Hans : Yeah, you might wanna stop drinking, Martin, if this is the way you're gonna behave.
Marty : If this is the way I'm gonna... This guy just telephoned a psycho-killer to come down and psycho-kill us. And this guy's doubting a lifelong belief in the afterlife because of a psychedelic cactus he just ate. And you motherfuckers are telling me to behave?
Billy : Whoa. Whoa. Time out. What's all this about doubting a lifelong belief in the afterlife because of a psychedelic cactus you just ate? Hans, what the heck?
Hans : I met Myra. On the ridge. She had some things to say.
Billy : About the afterlife being non-existent or something?
Hans : That was the gist.
Billy : No, no, it might have sounded like Myra. But you know why? Now don't get mad, but you know I can do Myra's voice pretty good. Yeah, I snuck up there a little while ago and I pretended to be her. I started saying all kinds of crazy stuff.
Hans : Hmm? But what specifically did you say? About the place you were in? The place Myra was in. Huh? How did you describe it, specifically?
Billy : You mean specifically?
Hans : Yeah.
Billy : I just kind of said it was all kind of... I just kind of said it was all kind of gray and shit.
Hans : No.
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Myra : Do you ever worry we was wrong all those years, and there ain't no heaven and there ain't no nothing?
Hans : Of course, I worry God loves us. I know He does. He's just got a funny way of showing it sometimes.
Myra : Sometimes I think God's gone crazy sometimes. Stuff He does, stuff He don't do.
Hans : Well, He's had a lot to contend with in his time, too, you know. Bastards killed His kid, too.
Myra : Don't say "bastards", honey.
Myra : It's just a word, Myra.
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[from trailer]
Hans : Fuck the cops! Fuck them! No fucking cops!
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Hans : God loves us. I know he does. He's just got a funny way of showing it sometimes.
