Ted Lasso (TV Series)

(I Don't Want to Go to) Chelsea (2023)

Brett Goldstein: Roy Kent

Photos 

Quotes 

• Roy Kent : Oi, what the fuck's a Hallmark Christmas movie?

  Ted Lasso : Hey look, man, I don't know what your beef is with Trent, but I'm gonna need you to order off the vegan menu right now and squash it. 'Cause your ego's about to sabotage a whole lot more than a silly football match. You feel me?

  [Roy nods] 

  Ted Lasso : Thank you. And Hallmark Christmas movies are films that feature women from the big city, fall in love with their childhood crushes. It's usually some fella that owns a Christmas tree farm. Sometimes he's also Santa Claus or a prince. They suck, but they're great. But they also mostly suck. But they're also kind of great. They're good with the sound off.

• Ted Lasso : Hey Roy, I'm just curious what was it like being back at Chelsea? All them fans sure we're happy to see you.

  Roy Kent : I don't know. Just felt... Sad. Or something.

  Ted Lasso : Really? Why is that?

  Roy Kent : Last season I was there, we played a match against Arsenal, and we fucking murdered him.

  Trent Crimm : I remember, 3-nil

  Roy Kent : Yeah but I played like shit. Right? I did. That was the first time ever I thought I can't keep up anymore I'm not good enough, and that was all I could think about for the rest of the year. I knew it was only gonna get worse. So at the end of the season I left, everyone was shocked. The club was shocked. The fans. The press. Yeah I didn't want to be one of them broken-down footballers just taking up space until they're dropped years after they should've been.

  Ted Lasso : Yeah, well a lot of folks think it's better to quit then to be fired you know?

  Roy Kent : Yeah, but going back there today, there's a part of me thinking maybe I should've stayed and just fucking enjoyed myself. But that is not who I am I guess.

  Ted Lasso : Not yet. But hey, if you wouldn't have left Chelsea when you did, we probably never would have met.