- Dan Humphrey: Look, Serena, while we're alone, there's something I wanna say to you...
- Serena Van Der Woodsen: Are you fake breaking up with me?
- Nate Archibald: I've read every piece of The Spectator since I started there, and unless Christina Aguilera is mad about our baby bumper Mexican lunch article, I really don't think there's anything in here worth hurting me over.
- Nate Archibald: Be careful. There's a fine line between surveillance and stalking.
- Chuck Bass: Yeah. Getting caught. Which I don't plan on.
- Serena Van Der Woodsen: I never thought I'd see the day when Blair Waldorf ate a tequila worm.
- Dan Humphrey: And I never thought I'd read anything written by Serena Van Der Woodsen that would make me laugh out loud.
- Serena Van Der Woodsen: Nate, what's happened to you? When did you stop being able to tell the difference between your friends and your enemies?
- Blair Waldorf: Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.
- Father Cavalia: What did you do?
- Blair Waldorf: I... pressed the close button on an elevator door when I saw a woman running to catch it.
- Father Cavalia: Why did you do that?
- Blair Waldorf: It was a... long ride... down to the lobby, and she was wearing too much perfume. Diddy called it Unforgettable for a reason.
- Beatrice Grimaldi: [re Blair's toned-down bachelorette party] Even without the male strippers and a penis cake, I cannot wait.