How I Met Your Mother (TV Series)

The Best Man (2011)

Josh Radnor: Ted Mosby

Photos 

Quotes 

• Ted Mosby : I used to believe in destiny, you know? I go to the bagel place, see a pretty girl in line, reading my favorite novel, whistling the song that's been stuck in my head all week, and I think: "Wow... Hey, maybe she's the one?" Now I think: "I just know that bitch is going to take the last whole wheat everything bagel."

  Robin Scherbatsky : You've just been focused on work.

  Ted Mosby : No, it's more than that. I stopped believing. Not in some depressed I'm-gonna-cry-during-my-toast way. Not in a way I even noticed until tonight. It's just, every day I think I... believe a little less, and a little less, and a little less, and that sucks. What do I about that, Scherbatsky?

  Robin Scherbatsky : You're Ted Mosby. You start believing again.

  Ted Mosby : In what? Destiny?

  Robin Scherbatsky : Chemistry. You got chemistry, you only need one other thing.

  Ted Mosby : What's that?

  Robin Scherbatsky : Timing. But timing's a bitch.

• Barney Stinson : What do you think of this tie?

  Ted Mosby : Ohh, thank God. Barney needs you right before his wedding, you assume there's at least one dead hooker in the closet.

  [laughs and discretely checks the closet] 

  Barney Stinson : [Holds up another tie]  Is this one better?

  Ted Mosby : Look, the tie is great, and it's perfectly normal to have some pre-wedding jitters.

  Barney Stinson : I'm not having jitters. It just occurs to me that once I put this tie on I can never take it off. I have to wear this tie forever, and ever. And sure, this tie is skinny now, but what happens if it gets fat and starts bossing me around? Did I make a mistake, would I have been happier with the other tie?

  [pause] 

  Barney Stinson : Ted, can I tell you a big secret?

  Ted Mosby : Of course.

  Barney Stinson : I'm not really talking about the tie.

  Ted Mosby : Yeah, I got that, buddy.

• Barney Stinson : Here's your toast, single file ladies! No fatties!

  Ted Mosby : That's ridiculous!

  Barney Stinson : Yeah you're right, it's Cleveland. Single file ladies!

• Barney Stinson : What if this whole this is a disaster? What if this is the worst wedding ever?

  Ted Mosby : Not possible. We've already been to the worst wedding ever.

  Barney Stinson : Punchy's wedding.

  Ted Mosby : [laughs]  Marshall really took a two-flusher to that one

  [him and Barney laugh] 

  Narrator : The story of how Uncle Marshall ruined my friend Punchy's wedding, starts in September, 2011...

• Ted Mosby : [Talking about Punchy's wedding]  No wedding will ever, ever be as bad as that one.

  Barney Stinson : I picked the right tie didn't I?

  Ted Mosby : You nailed it. And hey, just be glad it's not the ducky tie.

  Narrator : Oooh, the ducky tie. That's a good story kids, I'll get to that. Man, we are not even close to the end.

• Ted Mosby : Look, I've never told you guys this, but over the years, a few of my old high-school buddies have asked me to give wedding toasts; and they've haven't... gone... great. Somehow those weddings all fell smack-dab in the worst moments of my life.

  Ted Mosby : [Flashback to wedding 2008]  Joel and Nora's love is a beautiful thing. I thought I had that, til my fiance left me at the alter last week.

  [Starts crying] 

  Ted Mosby : I was asked not to talk about this, so I won't.

  [Crying] 

  Ted Mosby : I sit outside her house at night sometimes. She got a haircut.

  [keeps crying] 

  Ted Mosby : [Wedding, 2009]  After I lost my job last week, I was asked not to give this toast

  [Someone tries to wrestle the mic away from Ted] 

  Ted Mosby : No, no!

  [guy sits back down] 

  Ted Mosby : The happy couple needs to hear this. Things end.

  [Tearing up] 

  Ted Mosby : But from the ashes of your statistically probable divorce hope can rise anew. That is why I am starting my own architecture firm: Mosbius Designs.

  Ted Mosby : [Wedding, three months later]  Mosbius Designs has failed. But Alex and Jessica's love reminds us that... that

  [starts crying] 

  Ted Mosby : Oh god...

  [Cries uncontrollably] 

  Punchy : [See punchy filming and laughing]  Classic Schmosby.