The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)

The Rhinitis Revelation (2011)

Johnny Galecki: Leonard Hofstadter

Photos 

Quotes 

• Leonard Hofstadter : Sheldon, you're talking like a crazy person.

  Mary Cooper : Actually, I had him tested as a child. Doctor says he's fine.

  Sheldon Cooper : Told you.

  Mary Cooper : Although I do regret not following up with that specialist in Houston.

• [first lines] 

  Leonard Hofstadter : So, what kind of cruise is this you're going on?

  Mary Cooper : It's called The Born-Again Boat-ride. 'Christian Quarterly' gave it their highest rating, five thorny crowns. I do wish you'd come with me, Sheldon.

  Sheldon Cooper : Uh, well, Mom, if I did, it would be conclusive proof that your God can work miracles.

  Mary Cooper : You're missing out; it's going to be wall-to-wall fun; it's all themed. There's Jonah and the Whale-watching. All you can eat Last Supper buffet. And, my personal favorite, Gunning with God.

  Leonard Hofstadter : What's Gunning with God? I'm afraid to ask.

  Mary Cooper : Oh, it is a hoot-and-a-half. You write your sins on a clay pigeon, they fire 'em up in the air, and you pulverize 'em with a 12-gauge shotgun full of our Lord's forgiveness.

  Sheldon Cooper : Frankly, Mom, I'm encouraged to see how advanced your group has become. You're willing to sail out into the ocean without fear of falling off the edge.

  Mary Cooper : For example, if Shelly was aboard, he'd write 'smart-mouth' on his pigeon. And then *BAM*!

  Sheldon Cooper : The Lord giveth and the Lord bloweth away.

• Leonard Hofstadter : So, Mrs. Cooper, what did you think of the sushi?

  Mary Cooper : It was good. Only thing would've made it better if it was cooked... And if it was beef.

• Mary Cooper : Sheldon, you pester me one more time about chicken, I will put you over my knee right here in this restaurant.

  Leonard Hofstadter : [to Sheldon]  Please pester her, please, for me.

• Mary Cooper : Sheldon, when is your landlord gonna fix the elevator?

  Sheldon Cooper : I don't know. Lately we've been talking about converting it into a missile silo.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Your son seems to think we need to launch a preemptive strike on Burbank.

  Sheldon Cooper : Get them before they get us.

• Raj Koothrappali : [Raj is sitting on the floor, drunk, with a 6 pack, half drunk]  Hey, look who decided to show up.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Raj, what are you doing?

  Raj Koothrappali : I couldn't find you guys, so I bought 6 new friends. 3, sadly, are dead.

• Mary Cooper : [about Sheldon and Amy]  You have any idea what's going on with those two?

  Leonard Hofstadter : It's kinda like the Loch Ness Monster. Maybe there something there, maybe there isn't. We'll probably never know. But, sometimes it's fun to creep yourself out thinking about it.

• Sheldon Cooper : You are in for a treat; my mother's fried chicken is why we had to buy my dad the extra-large coffin.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Sheldon, she just got off the plane. She doesn't want to cook.

  Sheldon Cooper : Wha-uh? Of course she does. Making me food is her way of saying "I love you". Making me food when she's too tired to cook is her way of saying "I really love you".

• Sheldon Cooper : I'm not going to get my pecan pie, am I?

  Leonard Hofstadter : Want some Oreos?

  Sheldon Cooper : Double stuff?

  Leonard Hofstadter : No, it's regular.

  Sheldon Cooper : Nice. Kick a man when he's down.

• Mary Cooper : I thought it was our Indians that had the occasional alcohol problem.

  Leonard Hofstadter : We don't say that either. I'll make you a list.

  Mary Cooper : Oh, that'd be mighty white of you.

• Mary Cooper : Lord, Mary Cooper here coming to you from "Gomorrah", California. I want to thank you for the blessing that is my little Shelly. I also want to thank you for the continued strength not to coldcock him with my Bible. Alright, Penny, your turn.

  Penny : Okay, um, hey God, what's up? Um, I'm good, but it would be a big help to my family if you could get my brother to stop cooking meth. But no cops. Be cool.

  Mary Cooper : She also goes a little overboard on the 'Love thy Neighbor'. You could probably use that chat you had with Mary Magdalene. Leonard, you're up. Wasserman, you're on deck.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Okay, I don't know, it's probably a little late to ask you to make me taller.

• [last lines] 

  Sheldon Cooper : Does this mean you're not going to sing 'Soft Kitty'?

  Mary Cooper : No, I will always sing you 'Soft Kitty'.

  [sings] 

  Mary Cooper : Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur.

  Leonard Hofstadter : [sticks his head in the door]  Mrs. Cooper, were we supposed to take that pie out of the ov...

  Sheldon Cooper : [snaps]  Get out!

  [Offended and hurt, Leonard leaves] 

  Mary Cooper : [Shocked and angry]  Well, that was rude.

  Sheldon Cooper : Well, I know, but he means well. Sing.

  Mary Cooper : [sings]  Happy kitty, sleepy kitty...

  Sheldon Cooper : What are you trying to pull, Mom? From the top.

  Mary Cooper : [looking upwards]  This is what I'm talking about.

  [sings] 

  Mary Cooper : Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur.

• Mary Cooper : [At a church]  Oh, this one's sweet. You know, for your rosary rattlers.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Mrs. Cooper, we say Catholics, not rosary rattlers.

  Mary Cooper : My goodness, it's a wonder you people in California can talk at all.