Steve Jobs (2015)

Michael Fassbender: Steve Jobs

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Andy Hertzfeld : We're not a pit crew at Daytona. This can't be fixed in seconds.

  Steve Jobs : You didn't have seconds, you had three weeks. The universe was created in a third of that time.

  Andy Hertzfeld : Well, someday you'll have to tell us how you did it.

• Steve Wozniak : I was angry. You were saying things about the Apple II, and the way you were treating the team...

  Steve Jobs : Woz, you get a free pass for life. I gotta get back on stage; we got like, two minutes of rehearsal time left.

  Steve Wozniak : Do you understand how condescending that just was? Maybe you don't...

  Steve Jobs : I don't wanna see you get dragged off...

  Steve Wozniak : I get a free pass for life from you? You give out the passes? You give them to me?

  Steve Jobs : You're gonna have a stroke, little buddy.

  Steve Wozniak : What did you do? What did you do? Why has Lisa not heard of me?

  Steve Jobs : How many fourth graders have heard of you?

  Steve Wozniak : You can't write code... you're not an engineer... you're not a designer... you can't put a hammer to a nail. I built the circuit board. The graphical interface was stolen from Xerox Parc. Jef Raskin was the leader of the Mac team before you threw him off his own project! Someone else designed the box! So how come ten times in a day, I read Steve Jobs is a genius? What do you do?

  Steve Jobs : I play the orchestra, and you're a good musician. You sit right there and you're the best in your row.

  Steve Wozniak : I came here to clear the air. Do you know why I came here?

  Steve Jobs : Didn't you just answer that?

  Steve Wozniak : I came here 'cause you're gonna get killed. Your computer's gonna fail. You got a college and university advisory board telling you they need a powerful work station for two to three thousand. You priced NeXT at sixty-five hundred, and that doesn't include the optional three thousand dollar hardrive which people will discover isn't optional, because the optical disk is too weak to do anything, and the twenty-five hundred dollar laser printer brings the total to twelve thousand dollars, and in the entire world you are the only person that cares that it's housed in a perfect cube. You're gonna get killed. And I came here to stand next to you while that happens 'cause that's what friends do... that's what men do. I don't need your pass. We go back, so don't talk to me like I'm other people. I'm the only one that knows that this guy here is someone you invented. I'm standing by you because that perfect cube - that does nothing - is about to be the single biggest failure in the history of personal computing.

  Steve Jobs : Tell me something else I don't know.

• [from trailer] 

  Steve Wozniak : What do you do? You're not an engineer. You're not a designer. You can't put a hammer to a nail. I built the circuit board! The graphical interface was stolen! So how come ten times in a day I read Steve Jobs is a genius? What do you do?

  Steve Jobs : Musicians play their instruments. I play the orchestra.

• Steve Jobs : [on Bill Gates]  He dropped out of a better school than I dropped out of.

• John Sculley : You're gonna end me, aren't you?

  Steve Jobs : You're being ridiculous. I'm gonna sit center court and watch you do it yourself.

• Steve Jobs : The two most significant events of the twentieth century: the Allies win the war, and this.

• Steve Jobs : I'm gonna put music in your pocket.

  Lisa Brennan : What?

  Steve Jobs : A hundred songs. A thousand songs. Five hundred songs. Somewhere between five hundred and a thousand songs. Right in your pocket. Because I can't stand looking at that inexplicable Walkman anymore. You're carrying around a brick playing a cassette tape. We're not savages - so I'm gonna put a thousand songs in your pocket.

  Lisa Brennan : You can do that?

  Steve Jobs : Mm-hm. You wanna watch from backstage?

• Steve Jobs : God sent his only son on a suicide mission - but we like him anyway, because he made trees.

  [puts floppy disk in his pocket] 

  Steve Jobs : We're gonna sell a million units in the first 90 days. 20,000 a month after that. So maybe you could give me a break, Miss Hoffman?

• Steve Jobs : I don't want people to dislike me. I'm indifferent to whether they dislike me.

• Joanna Hoffman : You don't think you're having a bizarre overreaction to a nineteen-year-old girl allowing her mother to list her own house?

  Steve Jobs : She could 'a tried...

  Joanna Hoffman : She's supposed to stop her mother - that particular mother - from living...

  Steve Jobs : She gave Chrisann her blessing to sell the house and she did it to spite me!

  Joanna Hoffman : I don't care if she put a pipe bomb in the water heater! You're going to fix it now!

  Steve Jobs : She's been acting weird for months. She's turned on me.

  Joanna Hoffman : [knocks papers onto the floor]  Fix it.

  Steve Jobs : What the...

  Joanna Hoffman : [knocks more papers onto the floor]  Fix it, Steve.

  Steve Jobs : Take it easy!

  Joanna Hoffman : [knocks even more papers onto the floor]  Fix it or I quit, how 'bout that? I quit and you never see me again, how 'bout that?

  Steve Jobs : [concerned]  Tell me what's wrong with you this morning.

  Joanna Hoffman : [has tears in her eyes]  What's been wrong with me for nineteen years. I have been a witness, and I tell you I've been complicit. I love you, Steve. You know how much. I love that you don't care how much money a person makes; you care what they make. But what you make isn't supposed to be the best part of you. When you're a father... that's what's supposed to be the best part of you, and it's caused me two decades of agony. Steve... that it is for you... the worst. It's a little thing... it's a very small thing. Fix it. Fix it now or you can contact me at my new job working anywhere I want.

• Steve Jobs : The most efficient animal on the planet is the condor. The most inefficient animals on the planet are humans. But a human with a bicycle becomes the most efficient animal. And the right computer - a friendly, easy computer that isn't an eyesore but rather sits on your desk with the beauty of a tensor lamp - the right computer will be a bicycle for the mind. And what if, instead of it being in the right hands, it was in everyone's hands? Everyone in the world?

  John Sculley : We'd be talking about the most tectonic shift in the status quo since...

  Steve Jobs : ...ever.

• Joanna Hoffman : I'm begging you to manage expectations.

  Steve Jobs : Have I ever let you down?

  Joanna Hoffman : Every single goddamn time.

  Steve Jobs : Then I'm due.

• Steve Jobs : The exit signs have to be off or we're not gonna get a full blackout.

  Andrea Cunningham : We've spoken to the building manager and the fire marshal.

  Steve Jobs : And?

  Andrea Cunningham : They're absolutely no way they're letting us turn the exit signs off.

  Steve Jobs : I'll pay whatever the fine is.

  Andrea Cunningham : The fine is they're gonna come in and tell everyone to leave.

  Steve Jobs : You explained to the fire marshal that we're in here changing the world.

  Andrea Cunningham : Well...

  Steve Jobs : Did you?

  Andrea Cunningham : Yes, but unless we can also change the properties of fire, he doesn't care.

  Joanna Hoffman : Steve...

  Steve Jobs : If a fire causes a stampede to the unmarked exits, it will have been well worth it for those who survive. For those who don't, less so, but still pretty good.

  Andrea Cunningham : Listen...

  Steve Jobs : I need it to go black, real black. Get rid of the exit signs, and don't let me know how you did it.

• John Sculley : I can't put it more simply than this: We need to put our resources into updating the Apple II.

  Steve Jobs : By taking resources from the Mac.

  John Sculley : It's failing. That's a fact.

  Steve Jobs : It's overpriced.

  John Sculley : There is no evidence...

  Steve Jobs : I'm the evidence! I'm the world's leading expert on the Mac, John! What's your resume?

  John Sculley : You're issuing contradictory instructions, you're insubordinate, you make people miserable, our top engineers are fleeing to Sun, Dell, HP, Wall Street doesn't know who's driving the bus, we've lost hundreds of millions in value and I'm the CEO of Apple, Steve, that's my resume!

  Steve Jobs : But before that, you sold carbonated sugar water right? I sat in a fucking garage with Wozniak and invented the future, because artists lead and hacks ask for a show of hands.

  John Sculley : Alright, well... this guy's outta control. I'm perfectly willing to hand in my resignation tonight. But if you want me to stay, you can't have Steve. Settle him out. He can keep a share of stock so he gets our newsletter. I'd like the secretary to call for a vote.

  Steve Jobs : I fucking dare you.

• Steve Jobs : What is your problem?

  Joanna Hoffman : I don't know, but I'm sure it can be traced back to you.

• Steve Jobs : The musicians play their instruments. I play the orchestra.

• Steve Jobs : If a fire causes a stampede to the unmarked exits, it'll have been well worth it for those who survive.

• Steve Jobs : They won't know what they're looking at or why they like it but they'll know they want it.

• Steve Wozniak : This whole place was built by the Apple II... you were built by the Apple II!

  Steve Jobs : As a matter of fact I was destroyed by the Apple II and its open systems so that hackers and hobbyists could build ham radios or something! And then it nearly destroyed Apple when you spent all your money on it and developed a grand total of no new products.

  Steve Wozniak : The Newton...

  Steve Jobs : The little box of garbage. You guys came up with the Newton, it's like you want people to know that. This is a product launch not a luncheon, and the last thing I want to do is connect the iMac to the...

  Steve Wozniak : ...to the only successful product that this company has ever made. I'm sorry to be blunt, but that happens to be the truth. The Lisa was a failure, the Macintosh was a failure. I don't like talking like this, but I am tired of being Ringo when I know I was John.

  Steve Jobs : Everybody loves Ringo.

  Steve Wozniak : And I am tired of being patronized by you!

  Steve Jobs : You think John became John by winning a raffle, Woz? You think he tricked somebody or hit George Harrison over the head? He was John because he was John.

  Steve Wozniak : He was John 'cause he wrote 'Ticket to Ride', and I wrote the Apple II.

  Andrea Cunningham : [to the people in the auditorium watching this]  Everybody, I want to...

  Steve Jobs : Nobody moves!

  Steve Jobs : [to Woz]  You made a beautiful board, which by the way you were willing to give out for free, so don't tell me how you built Apple. If it weren't for me, you'd be the easiest 'A' at Homestead High School.

  Steve Wozniak : [gesturing around the auditorium]  These people live or die by your praise, so here's your chance: acknowledge that something good happened that you weren't in the room for!

  Steve Jobs : [after a long pause]  No.

  Steve Wozniak : Steve... do it! It's right, it's... it's right.

  Steve Jobs : Sorry, but no.

  Steve Wozniak : Then let me put it another way. I don't think there's a man who's done more to advance the democratization that comes with personal computing than I have, but you've never had any respect for me... now why is that?

  Steve Jobs : I'd at least consider the possibility that it's because you've never had any for me.

  Joanna Hoffman : [suddenly walking into the auditorium]  What the hell is going on here?

  Steve Wozniak : [as he walks away]  Nothing. Thank you for your time.

• Andy Hertzfeld : Skip over - everything else is working, skip over the voice demo.

  Steve Jobs : Fix it.

  Andy Hertzfeld : In forty minutes.

  Steve Jobs : Fix it.

  Andy Hertzfeld : I can't.

  Steve Jobs : Who's the person who can?

  Andy Hertzfeld : I'm the person who can, and I can't.

• Andy Hertzfeld : It's a system error.

  Steve Jobs : [annoyed]  Fix it!

  Andy Hertzfeld : [incredulous]  Fix it?

  Steve Jobs : Yeah!

  Andy Hertzfeld : We're not a pit crew at Daytona. This can't be fixed in seconds.

  Steve Jobs : You didn't have seconds. You had three weeks. The universe was created in a third of that time.

  Andy Hertzfeld : Well, someday, you'll have to tell us how you did it.

• Joanna Hoffman : Please, you have to tell me why it's so important for it to say "hello".

  Steve Jobs : Hollywood, they make computers scary things. See how this reminds you of a friendly face? That the disk slot is a goofy grin? It's warm and it's playful and it needs to say "hello"!

  Joanna Hoffman : The computer in 2001 said "hello" all the time and it still scared the shit out of me.

• Steve Jobs : [to Steve Wozniak]  You came a half inch from putting this company out of business. Now who do I see about that? I'm letting you keep your job. You get a pass.

  Steve Wozniak : You know, when people used to ask me what the difference was between me and Steve Jobs, I would say Steve is the big picture guy and I like the solid workbench. When people ask the difference now, I say Steve is an asshole. Your products are better than you are, brother.

  Steve Jobs : That's the idea, "brother", and knowing that... that's the difference!

• John Sculley : Just relax.

  Steve Jobs : Why?

  John Sculley : I don't know. No one's ever asked me that question.

• Steve Wozniak : They want ports!

  Steve Jobs : They don't get a vote. When Dylan wrote "Shelter from the Storm" he didn't ask people to contribute to the lyrics. Plays don't stop so the playwright can ask the audience what scene they'd like to see next.

• Steve Jobs : I'm poorly made.

• Steve Jobs : Voicing an objection would've been a step in the right direction.

• Steve Jobs : Hey, Steve Wozniak is sitting out there. Give yourselves a treat and ask if he happens to have the correct time.

  Joanna Hoffman : I have the correct time, and we're running out of it.

• Steve Jobs : Everyone, everyone, everyone. Everyone is waiting for the Mac.

• Steve Jobs : Who are you hiding from, me or your mom?

• Steve Jobs : [after intro video at the launch ends with a close-up of Lisa's face]  Remember that painting you did on the original Mac?

  [Lisa shakes her head] 

  Steve Jobs : I do.

• Steve Jobs : What the hell cam a one-month-old do that's so bad his parents give him back?

  John Sculley : Nothing. There's nothing a one-month-old can do.

• Steve Jobs : There are people 'round here, man, including a member of the press.

  Steve Wozniak : I see him.

  Steve Jobs : Woz...

  Steve Wozniak : The top guys, the ones who are getting laid off.

  Steve Jobs : Listen, okay? Last year Apple lost one billion dollars. I don't even know how that's possible. You were less than 90 days from being insolvent. I had three different accountants try to explain it to me. The whole place has to be streamlined.

  Steve Wozniak : Start with two of the accountants.

  Steve Jobs : I started with the Apple...

  Andrea Cunningham : [to the member of the press]  Joel, could you come off stage? We're gonna go backstage for a moment...

  Steve Jobs : Leave him right there.

  Steve Jobs : [to Woz]  I started with the Apple II team because we don't, you know, make that anymore.

  Steve Wozniak : Just acknowledge the top guys.

  Steve Jobs : Have a Mimosa and relax.

  Steve Wozniak : You will not blow me off right now, Steve! The tops guys are...

  Steve Jobs : There are no top guys, alright? In the Apple II team, there are no top guys. They're B players, and B players discourage the A players, and I want A players at Apple.

  Steve Wozniak : They are not B players, and I'm a better judge at that!

  Steve Jobs : Less than 90 days from insolvency, and part because somebody thought the Newton wasn't a box of garbage.

  Andrea Cunningham : Joel, could you come off...

  Steve Jobs : Leave him!

  Steve Wozniak : I'm talking about...

  Steve Jobs : You guys designed and shipped a little box of garbage while I was gone.

  Steve Wozniak : I'm talking about the Apple II! Which is not just a crucial part of this company's history; it is a crucial part of the history of personal computing!

  Steve Jobs : For a time!

  Steve Wozniak : The least you could do if you're going to downsize these people...

  Steve Jobs : They're gonna live in the biggest houses of anyone on the unemployment list.

  Steve Wozniak : ...is to acknowledge them! Acknowledge them and the Apple II during this launch!

• Steve Jobs : [pitching to John Sculley]  The most efficient animal on the planet is a condor. The most inefficient animals on the planet are humans. But a human with a bicycle becomes the most efficient animal. And the right computer - a friendly, easy computer that isn't an eyesore, but rather sits on your desk with the beauty of a tensor lamp. The right computer will be a bicycle for the mind. A beautiful object - perfect geometry, perfect finish, something you want to look at and have in your home. Flawless. And then a personal computer becomes an interpersonal computer. And what if instead of it being in the right hands, it was in everyone's hands? Everyone in the world.

• Joanna Hoffman : You have to tell me the plan because I don't know. You're walking around like you've got can't-lose cards.

  Steve Jobs : The plan will reveal itself to you when you're ready to see it.

  Joanna Hoffman : Will I have to drop acid?

  Steve Jobs : Couldn't hurt.

• Steve Jobs : Why haven't we ever slept together?

  Joanna Hoffman : We're not in love.

• Steve Jobs : Yes they are and what I want is a closed system. End to end control. Completely incompatible with anything.

  Steve Wozniak : Computers aren't supposed to have human flaws. Why would we want to incept this one with yours?

• Lisa Brennan (5) : [to Joanna]  My daddy named a computer after me.

  Steve Jobs : I'm not your...

  [Steve stops himself and sees the looks coming from both Chrisann and Joanna] 

  Steve Jobs : [beat; to Lisa]  That, actually -- do you know what a coincidence is, Lisa? Like if you met someone, if you found a new friend and her name was Lisa too, that would be a coincidence. Lisa stands for "Local Integrated System Architecture." L-I-S-A. It's a coincidence.

• Steve Jobs : It was the stylus, John.

  John Sculley : What?

  Steve Jobs : I killed the Newton because of the stylus. If you're holding a stylus, you can't use the other five that are attached to your wrist.

  [Holds up hand, smiles] 

  Steve Jobs : The things we could've done together.

  [Walks out of the room] 

  John Sculley : [as the door closes]  God, the things we could've done.

• Chrisann Brennan : What's the matter with you?

  Steve Jobs : What's the matter with *you*? Why are you telling her these things? Why are you still telling her I'm her father?

  Chrisann Brennan : A judge told her you're her father...

  Steve Jobs : No, he didn't.

  Chrisann Brennan : And where the hell do you get off telling "Time Magazine" that I've slept with 28% of the men in America.

  Steve Jobs : That's not remotely...

  Chrisann Brennan : Where do you get off?

  Steve Jobs : That's not remotely what I said.

  Chrisann Brennan : [picks up the magazine]  It's right here.

  Steve Jobs : First of all, can I tell you something about "Time Magazine"? I believe it's a training facility for paid assassins.

  Chrisann Brennan : "Jobs insists," -- I'm quoting.

  Steve Jobs : I didn't invent math.

  Chrisann Brennan : "'28% of the male population of the United States could be the father.'"

  Steve Jobs : I wasn't saying you've slept with 28% of American men, I was using an algorithm based on the blood test which said there was a 94.1% chance that I'm the father.

• Steve Jobs : Whoever said the customer is always right was, I promise you, a customer.

• Chrisann Brennan : Things don't become so because you say so.

  Steve Jobs : There'll be more money in your account by the end of business.

• Steve Jobs : Okay, pull the voice demo.

  Joanna Hoffman : Thank you.

  Steve Jobs : And then cancel the launch.

• Steve Jobs : When your mom is 90 and can't feed herself, you can take care of her. But right now, she's 45, perfectly healthy and can't feed herself.

• Chrisann Brennan : Your daughter and her mother are on *welfare* while you're worth 441 million dollars for making that.

  Steve Jobs : I'm proud to say Apple donates computers to underfunded schools and we'll be doing more of the same with the Mac...

  Chrisann Brennan : [interrupts]  What?

  Steve Jobs : [repeats loudly]  Apple donates millions of dollars' worth of computers to schools.

  Chrisann Brennan : [dismayed]  What does that have to do with...

  [trails off] 

  Steve Jobs : Imagine an underprivileged kid that has their favorite teacher with them 24 hours. We're minutes away from being able to do that.

  Chrisann Brennan : In your head, was that an answer to my question?

  Steve Jobs : Tell me the question again.

• Steve Jobs : [reading an article]  "The only thing Apple's providing now is leadership in colors."

  Joanna Hoffman : Don't worry about it.

  Steve Jobs : What does Bill Gates have against me?

  Joanna Hoffman : I don't know, you're both out of your minds.

• Lisa Brennan : I'm gonna take care of my mother; I'm sorry if that angers you.

  Steve Jobs : It does anger me because you're a kid and it's not your job to take care of your mother.

  Lisa Brennan : Is that how yours died?

• Steve Jobs : If you're here about your legacy, you need to form a line behind Wozniak.

• Steve Jobs : Here's what I'm gonna do. I'm going to announce the names of everyone who designed the launch demo. I'm gonna introduce everyone and ask them to stand up. The bag was designed by Susan Care. The Macintosh font that's scrolling across the screen was designed by Steve Kapps. The starry night and skywriting was Bruce Horn. Mac Paint. Mac Write. ALICE. Down to the calculator. And then I'm gonna the voice demo that the voice demo that didn't work was designed by Andy Hertzfeld.