- Tom Wambsgans: You are incapable of thinking about anybody other than yourself because your sense of who you are, Shiv, is that fuckin' thin!
- Shiv Roy: Oh yeah, you read that in a book, Tom?
- Tom Wambsgans: You're too fuckin' transparent to find in a book!
- Tom Wambsgans: I'm sorry, but you have hurt me more than you could possibly imagine.
- Shiv Roy: You took away the last six months I could've had with my dad!
- Tom Wambsgans: No.
- Shiv Roy: Yes!
- Tom Wambsgans: No.
- Shiv Roy: Yes. You sucked up to him and you cut me out!
- Tom Wambsgans: It's not my fault that you didn't get his approval. I have given you endless approval and it doesn't fill you up because you're broken.
- Tom Wambsgans: Hi, everyone! Hi! Bedtime for Bonzo. Sorry, but please get the fuck out of my house now!
- [laughter from guests]
- Tom Wambsgans: Yeah, no, no, no, please -- party's over! I've gotta sleep. It's been a terrific night, thank you so much. No, I'm serious -- off you go. Go to bed. Enjoy your beds. Go home, cry. I'm done. I'm done, I can barely stand. But I've had enough -- goodnight!
- Kendall Roy: 'Night, Tom.
- Tom Wambsgans: [ignoring him] Don't forget your coats!
- Shiv Roy: Hmm. Fuck Tom.
- Tom Wambsgans: I think that you can be a very selfish person and I think you find it very hard to think about me, and I think you shouldn't have even married me, actually.
- Shiv Roy: What the fuck? What the actual fuck? You proposed to me. You proposed to me at my lowest fucking ebb! My dad was dying, what was I supposed to say?
- Tom Wambsgans: Perhaps no?
- Shiv Roy: I didn't want to hurt your feelings!
- Tom Wambsgans: Oh, thanks! Thanks for that! Yeah, you really kept me safe while you ran off to fuck the phone book.