Long Shot (2019)
Seth Rogen: Fred Flarsky
Photos
Quotes
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Fred Flarsky : [wearing traditional Swedish dress as a joke played at his expense] Okay, but you dressed me like Cap'n Crunch's Grindr date, so I'm going to drink and enjoy the part.
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Fred Flarsky : I'm a racist, you're a Republican, I don't know what the fuck's going on.
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Fred Flarsky : We did almost just die, though, right?
Charlotte Field : We totally almost just died.
Fred Flarsky : Good, so I didn't just overreact.
Charlotte Field : Oh, you totally overreacted.
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[as Fred is talking about the Northern Lights, Charlotte notices that his voice is becoming choked]
Charlotte Field : Are you crying?
Fred Flarsky : [sheepishly] ... It's pretty.
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Fred Flarsky : I once 69:ed Fidel Castro. You thought his *beard* was big...
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Fred Flarsky : I got fucked, man.
Lance : Yeah, you got fucked like a stepmom on Pornhub.
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Fred Flarsky : [giving explanations of each item from his pockets during the inspection] That's prescription. For anxiety. Uh... This is if you can't dance for a long time and you want to... That's prescription as well, for, uh, lack of energy. That's energy powder... These are to wrap the anxiety medication in when inhaling it medicinally... That's if you want to vaporize the anxiety medicine, which I have a prescription for... And that's a blunt.
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[Fred expresses his disgust of Parker Wembley]
Fred Flarsky : The shit that comes out of this fucking guy's mouth... he said hurricanes were caused by gay marriage. I don't even get how that fucking works. I don't even get the math on that one.
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[repeated line]
Fred Flarsky : Oh, boy!
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Fred Flarsky : I feel like maybe you want me to kiss you right now but I don't want to make the same stupid mistake I made 25 years ago.
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Fred Flarsky : Did Boyz II Men just call me a cracker?
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[during the charity fundraising event, Fred approaches Wembley, whom he deeply loathes]
Fred Flarsky : HEY!
[everyone stops talking and turns to see what the commotion is about]
Parker Wembley : [smiles] Oh, Fred?
Fred Flarsky : Yeah, look.
Parker Wembley : What's the problem?
Fred Flarsky : I'll tell you the problem.
Parker Wembley : What?
Fred Flarsky : You're the problem, man!
[Wembley's smile fades]
Fred Flarsky : You're everything that's wrong with this fucking country. Cause you're an old, rich, white piece of shit and your media conglomerate is ruining this planet!
Parker Wembley : Enough.
[Wembley gestures to one of his bodyguards, and he walks Fred away from Wembley]
Fred Flarsky : I'm done anyway. I had more time with you than I thought I would, so joke's on you. Excuse me, thank you. Whoa, shit!
[Fred slips on the stairs, and ends up sprawling on the ground floor. The guests gasp. Someone records the fall with his cell phone, much to Fred's embarrassment. Lance rushes to help Fred]
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[last lines]
Charlotte Field : [seated in the Oval Office] He's my Mister.
Fred Flarsky : I'm her Mister. And she's my president.
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Charlotte Field : Yeah, I date. Generally, ya know, with people who have similar lifestyles to me. People who travel a lot. It's hard to keep those things alive. I mean, who wants to follow me around the world, and hope I have five minutes to be affectionate?
Fred Flarsky : Yeah.
Charlotte Field : And Honestly, guys don't really want to date women that are more powerful than them. They think they do, but... It's a dick shriveler
Fred Flarsky : Oof.
Charlotte Field : Mmm-hmm.
Fred Flarsky : Dick Shriveler is my favorite Batman villain, though. So...
