The Kings of Summer (2013)

Nick Offerman: Frank

Photos 

Quotes 

• Frank : You're right, it's a classic kidnapping. They took our children and the canned goods and pasta.

• Frank : Yes, I experienced a childhood on the planet Earth. I've heard the story of the boy who cried wolf.

• Frank : My question for you, Gary, is: How do you want me to eat these with my normal human mouth? Do you want me to unhinge my jaw like an anaconda? Should I put this in my belly and lay out in the sun for two months, digesting it?

• Rookie Cop : Mr. Toy, are you familiar with the boy who cried wolf?

  Frank : Yes I have experienced a childhood on the planet earth, so... yes I've heard of that one.

  Frank : Do you think you can apply it to my situation in an allegorical fashion?

• Frank : Silence, land trunt.

• Frank : Masturbation is fun. I get it. But it's not very 'green' to do it with the shower running.

• Frank : [busts the bedroom door open]  Tools, out of the driveway, now.

  Joe : [whispering]  I'm on the phone.

  Frank : Oh, I don't give a shit. Right now.

  Kelly : [on the phone]  Is everything okay there?

  [Frank grabs the phone] 

  Joe : No!

  Frank : Who is this? Patrick?

  Kelly : Kelly.

  Frank : Kelly. A girl. Jesus, that's a pleasant surprise.

  Joe : Dad.

  Frank : Listen, Joe, can't talk right now because he's grounded. He will call you back sometime before his hot new bedtime of 7:30. You have a good night.

  Kelly : Okay.

  Frank : [Frank hangs up the cellphone]  Tools Now, and if they're ruined, you're going to work the whole set off this summer, I mean it. A paper route. Big Chief Indian Corn. Goddamn Ohio Soccer Jazz. I don't care. You have your pick. This bullshit ends today.