- Barry Kripke: You got Siwi, huh? Voice wecognition on that thing is terrible. Wook.
- [Talking into iPhone]
- Barry Kripke: Siwi, can you wecommend a westauwant?
- Siri: I'm sorry, Bawwy. I don't understand "wecommend a westauwant."
- Barry Kripke: Wisten to me. Not "westauwant," *westauwant*.
- Siri: I don't know what you mean by "not westauwant, westauwant."
- Barry Kripke: See? Total cwap. You suck, Siwi.
- [last lines]
- Siri: [Raj enters Siri's office] Steve, I found six vacuum cleaner repair shops in your area. Four are fairly close to you.
- Raj Koothrappali: Ahem.
- Siri: Hello, Sexy. What can I help you with?
- [Raj cannot speak]
- Siri: If you'd like to make love to me, just tell me.
- Raj Koothrappali: Ack. Ack.
- Siri: I'm sorry, I don't understand Ack, ack.
- Raj Koothrappali: [Waking up on couch] Noooooo!
- Sheldon Cooper: Here's an interesting fact about flags.
- Raj Koothrappali: I will take that action.
- Sheldon Cooper: The flags of Liechtenstein and Haiti were identical by coincidence; a fact that wasn't discovered until they competed against each other at the 1936 Olympics. And thankfully their embarrassment was overshadowed by the rise of fascism.
- Raj Koothrappali: I was just talking to Siri about Peking duck, and she said she knew about four Chinese grocers, two of which are fairly close to me. Her spontaneity is contagious.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Who's Siri? Is he dating somebody new?
- Howard Wolowitz: Yes. His phone.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Is that cute or creepy?
- Howard Wolowitz: Uh-huh.
- Leonard Hofstadter: So, I've got a gunshot wound. That's pretty badass.
- Penny: No, you've got a Reebok with a gunshot wound and an ouchie on your pinky toe.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: For someone who has a machine that can travel anywhere in time and space, Doctor Who sure does have a thing for modern-day London.
- Sheldon Cooper: Careful. It's that kinda sass that can get a person uninvited to this year's Who Con.
- Raj Koothrappali: Thank you, Darling.
- Siri: You're most certainly welcome, Sexy.
- Sheldon Cooper: Well done, Dr. Koothrappali.
- [first lines]
- Sheldon Cooper: Hello. I'm Doctor Sheldon Cooper, and welcome to the premiere episode of Sheldon Cooper Presents Fun with Flags. Over the next fifty-two weeks, you and I are going to explore the dynamic world of vexillology.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Hang on, Doctor C, what's vexillology?
- Sheldon Cooper: Vexillology is the study of flags.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Cool! I think I just learned something.
- Sheldon Cooper: Did you have fun doing it?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: I'll say!
- Sheldon Cooper: Fun and information are two sides to this video podcast. Not unlike the only two-sided state flag. Oregon.
- [holds up flag]
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh, look.
- [turns flag around]
- Sheldon Cooper: Hello, Mister Beaver. In future episodes we'll answer some burning questions. What's the only non-rectangular flag? What animal appears most often on flags? What animal appears second most often on flags? And more.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Sweet!
- Sheldon Cooper: Why are you waving a white flag?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: I'm surrendering... to fun!
- Raj Koothrappali: Siri, play some soft jazz, please.
- Siri: Playing soft jazz.
- [Kenny G plays]
- Raj Koothrappali: Kenny G! This woman can read me like a book. I can't believe bought my soulmate at Glendale Galleria.
- Penny: That was a really nice dinner. I'm glad you asked me out again,
- Leonard Hofstadter: Me too. I missed you.
- Penny: You see me all the time. You sure you just don't miss the sex?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Well... yeah, sex with you is pretty great; have you ever tried it?
- Penny: I have; you are not wrong.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Atta boy, Hofstatdter. Nothing gets the ladies hotter than software development analogies.
- Raj Koothrappali: Do you have a last name, Siri?
- Siri: My name is Siri.
- Raj Koothrappali: One name. Just like Cher, Madonna, Adele... all the ladies that rock me.
- Sheldon Cooper: [Opening the German/Bavarian themed episode, Sheldon is dressed as a stereotypical German] Guten tag, das YouTube! Ich bin ein Bavarian.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: [Dressed as one and bouncing a bit to the music] Und ich bin eine pretzel.
- Sheldon Cooper: Und this is Sheldon Cooper Presents "Fun
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Mit
- Sheldon Cooper: Flags."
- Raj Koothrappali: My name is Rajesh, but you can call me Raj.
- Siri: Would you like me to call you Raj?
- Raj Koothrappali: I'd like you to call me Sexy.
- Siri: From now on, I'll call you Sexy. Okay?
- Raj Koothrappali: Okay.
- Penny: This is amazing. How did you even get this idea?
- Leonard Hofstadter: I called your dad. I asked him what things you liked to do when you were a kid. This seemed easier than getting a cow out here so you could tip it.
- Raj Koothrappali: Why don't women like me?
- Siri: Let me check on that. How about a web search for "Why don't women like me?"
- Raj Koothrappali: No need. I've already done that.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: You OK?
- Sheldon Cooper: No, I'm a little rattled. But like the flag over Fort Sumter, I'm still here.