A Haunted House (2013)

Marlon Wayans: Malcolm

Photos 

Quotes 

• Malcolm : Who am I kidding? I can't sell a house in this market! Immediate possession? It's already possessed!

• Malcolm : Oh, Father. Thank God you could make it.

  Father Williams : Nigger, call me Doug. I don't like being called "Father." No way. Plus, I got a couple issues with a few people out there claiming false child support. I mean, just 'cause the little nigger got my eyes, my nose, my extremely rare AB-negative blood type, don't mean I'm the damn daddy.

• [first lines] 

  Malcolm : Why isn't this stupid thing working? See, that's that bullshit. I'm taking this shit right back to Best Buy.

  [takes off lens cap] 

  Malcolm : Or not. Stupid lens cap.

• Malcolm : You made a deal with the devil for a pair of shoes?

  Kisha : Not shoes, Malcolm! Louboutins, okay?

• [last lines] 

  Malcolm : Yeah baby! I lived! I lived! In your face! In your face! You thought you'll move in my house and kill me? What?

  [laughs] 

  Malcolm : She's right behind me, isn't she?

  [Malcolm is dragged away screaming] 

• Malcolm : Bitch! There is a ghost in the house!

• Malcolm : Oh, my God! What did you do?

  Father Williams : Shit, I did you a favor.

  Malcolm : Oh, my God! Oh, my God, Rosa!

  Rosa : I just wanted my last check, Malcolm.

  Malcolm : Oh, my God, you shot my housekeeper.

  Father Williams : You mean, your ex-housekeeper. Look, man, the bitch can't be jumping out on me like that. You ain't gonna tell nobody, right? I got warrants.

• Malcolm : You don't have to be afraid, okay, 'cause you're living with me now. Nobody's gonna hurt you on my watch, okay?

  Kisha : Okay.

  Malcolm : Unless they got a gun, then you on your own.

• Father Williams : Uh, bro, I'm gonna have to level with you. This bitch don't look right. I mean, she look all ashy and shit, and just... You know, like E.T. with a weave. If I was you, I'd just be out. Let's just go. Come on. Let's go.

  Malcolm : Uh, I... I can't leave her. That's my girl.

  Father Williams : Are you kidding me? Come on, man. There's so much pussy in the world, man. You don't have to be with just her. Come to the congregation. I've got a few in the congregation, I'm trying to tell you.

  [Father Williams pulls a photo from his wallet] 

  Father Williams : Check this out. Now, I know she look old. I know she... But she a freak, and she got skills.

• Malcolm : "Is Fine"