The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)
The Transporter Malfunction (2012)
Jim Parsons: Sheldon Cooper
Photos
Quotes
-
Mr. Spock : Dr. Cooper! Dr. Cooper!
Sheldon Cooper : Is someone there?
Mr. Spock : Down here, on your desk.
Sheldon Cooper : Spock?
Mr. Spock : I need to speak with you.
Sheldon Cooper : Fascinating! The only logical explanation is that this is a dream.
Mr. Spock : It is not the only logical explanation. For example, you could be hallucinating after being hit on the head by, say, a coconut.
Sheldon Cooper : Was I hit on the head by a coconut?
Mr. Spock : I'm not going to dignify that with a response. Now, to the matter at hand, you need to play with the transporter toy.
Sheldon Cooper : Yes, but it's mint in box.
Mr. Spock : Yes, and to open it would destroy its value. But remember like me, you also have a human-half.
Sheldon Cooper : Well, I'm not going to dignify *that* with a response!
Mr. Spock : Consider this. What is the purpose of a toy?
Sheldon Cooper : To be played with.
Mr. Spock : Therefore, to not play with it would be...?
Sheldon Cooper : Illogical. Oh, damn it, Spock, you're right! I'll do it!
Mr. Spock : Sheldon, wait. You have to wake up first.
Sheldon Cooper : Oh, of course. Set phasers to dumb, right?
-
Sheldon Cooper : [Dreams he's on another planet] Oh, dear. Two suns and no sunscreen.
-
Sheldon Cooper : Quantum physics makes me so happy.
Leonard Hofstadter : Yeah? I'm glad.
Sheldon Cooper : It's like looking at the universe naked.
-
Penny : Tada!
Sheldon Cooper : A vintage, mint in box 1975 Mego Star Trek Transporter, with real transporter action. Hotdarn!
Leonard Hofstadter : Where did you get that?
Penny : That's from Stuart at the comic book store.
Leonard Hofstadter : You went to the comic book store by yourself?
Penny : Yeah! It was fun. I walked in and two different guys got asthma attacks. Felt pretty good.
Sheldon Cooper : This calls for an expression of gratitude.
Penny : Ooh, am I about to get a rare, Sheldon Cooper hug?
Sheldon Cooper : No, not this time, then they wouldn't be special.
[makes a finger-gun gesture]
Sheldon Cooper : Thanks, Penny!
Penny : You're welcome. Don't worry, I didn't forget about you. Leonard, I got you... a label maker!
Leonard Hofstadter : Ahh... No, it's great. Also... it's mint in box.
Penny : And... I got you a transporter too!
Leonard Hofstadter : Awesome!
-
Sheldon Cooper : Howard, are you having a make-your-own-sundae bar?
Howard Wolowitz : I don't think so.
Sheldon Cooper : Well, you should. 50% of all marriages end in divorce, but 100% of make-your-own-sundae bars end in happiness.
-
Mr. Spock : Well, I am unhappy.
Sheldon Cooper : I thought where you come from they don't have emotions.
Mr. Spock : I come from a factory in Taiwan.
-
Sheldon Cooper : It was me. I opened your toy... discovered it was broken, and didn't tell you.
Leonard Hofstadter : Why would you open mine?
Sheldon Cooper : I didn't, that was a lie. I opened my own toy... and it was already broken, so I switched them.
Leonard Hofstadter : Well, you should talk to Stuart.
Sheldon Cooper : I can't because that was a lie. Yours was broken in an earthquake and that's a lie.
Penny : What is the truth?
Sheldon Cooper : My Mr. Spock doll came to me in a dream and forced me to open it, and when the toy broke I switched it for yours. Later he encouraged me to do the right thing and I defied him. And then I was attacked by a Gorn.
Leonard Hofstadter : Okay, that I believe.
-
Sheldon Cooper : And, Leonard, even though I don't have one anymore, I hope you have fun playing with it.
Leonard Hofstadter : And that's a lie, right?
Sheldon Cooper : A big fat whopper. I hope it breaks.
-
Sheldon Cooper : Perhaps you should look with your *eyes* and, and not your muscular Nebraskan man hands.
-
[first lines]
Penny : Oh my God, I love this chicken!
Sheldon Cooper : Oh, you know what they say, 'Best things in life are free'.
Penny : Okay, you're right, I eat your food a lot. Now, how 'bout this: you can raid my fridge any time you want.
Sheldon Cooper : Oh, that's very kind of you. Next time I have a hankering to wash down a D-cell battery with a jar of old pickle juice, I'll come a-knocking.
-
Sheldon Cooper : I hate wedding receptions. I wish the bride and groom would take a cue from Bilbo Baggins; slip on the ring, disappear, and everyone goes home.
Leonard Hofstadter : Mmmm, you liked Professor Geyster's wedding.
Sheldon Cooper : They had a make-your-own-sundae bar. Oh, that was a night to remember. D'you know, on one trip, I just had a bowl of nuts.
-
Sheldon Cooper : Knock Knock.
Leonard Hofstadter : Who's there?
Sheldon Cooper : Interrupting physicist.
Leonard Hofstadter : Interrupting physi...
Sheldon Cooper : Muon!
-
Sheldon Cooper : You know what you are? well you're a green-blooded buzzkill. Perhaps it's time you beam on outta here.
Mr. Spock : Fine. I will just use the transporter. Oh, right, you broke it.
Sheldon Cooper : Very well. Cooper to Enterprise, one to beam up. Energize.
[picks up the Spock action figure and throws it]